Glinda Ain't Got Nothing On Me
by WriKai
Summary: I made my choice, and chose to be out, to leave Castiel and Sam and Dean with the impression that I was dead. It was that or let them hate me. I couldn't bear that. The only people who know I'm alive are Mrs. Tran and Crowley. I made my choice, I chose to be out, but I don't think I'm done just yet. After "Darkness Descends." Start w/ "Believing In The Impossible" Also has Sam W.
1. I Got This (Castiel POV)

I saw that blinding flash, and in an instant I went from being at Sam's side to being… Not there. Somewhere else. Somewhere far away.

When I landed, I could only think three words. _I failed. Again._

I had just failed Sam, failed being the support he needed. I failed Dean, failed the last promise I had ever made to him. I failed Kylie, failed the woman I wanted to marry, and now…

Two out of three of those failures had concluded in death.

This most recent looked like it may end up the same as well.

I was an angel, not one with a predisposition to foul language, but at the moment I couldn't help but feel the urge to swear like Dean and Sam did, or like Kylie… Like Kylie used to.

 _Castiel, relax. You got this._ Kylie's voice, clear as a bell inside my head. I didn't even remember what we were doing, just that she had been so confident and sure that she could handle it.

Where was she now? What had that confidence, that belief in me, gotten her?

 _I got this_. I'd agreed, nodding. I remembered now. We were… We were in a bar together, homeless, just me and her. She was trying to teach me how to pick pockets.

I'd failed miserably, earning a punch to the face instead of the cash we'd so desperately needed.

 _I don't got this._ I'd told her afterwards, cradling a bruised cheek. She'd checked it out, keeping one eye on the guy I'd just failed to pickpocket.

She'd had a plan, of course. At the time, when I was still learning, it seemed as though she always had a plan for everything, always had a fallback option in place. _Follow my lead, and go wait outside after I do this._

 _After you do what?_ I'd asked her. She just smirked for a moment before putting on her best angry face. She shouted at me, called me a jerk, slapped me, and told me to get out of her face. Ten minutes later she met me outside with over 100 dollars.

 _Bad good Samaritans._ She'd explained. _Guys that are always eager to jump and play the hero, just so they can jump in your pants. They also just so happen to love flashing cash when they buy you drinks, and tend to carry a lot of it._

A bad good Samaritan. That was what she called it.

A truck pulled up, asking if I needed assistance. The man seemed nice, kind. Not flashing any cash.

 _And when I can't get a bad good Samaritan,_ Kylie had continued, sitting on the curb next to me. She pulled my hand along, and we walked over to a nearby busy street. Kylie shoved the cash back in her pocket, and rooted around in her pack until she found what she was looking for. An old piece of beat-up cardboard, with a few words written on it. **Homeless and starving. Anything helps. God bless.** _I'll get a God-fearing one._

We had cheap takeout, apples, a few granola bars, and a couple extra bucks in cash within an hour or two.

I told the man with the truck where I needed to go, Lebanon, Kansas. He nodded, and I got in his truck.

 _You got this._ Kylie's voice again, so reassuring, in the back of my mind.

 _I got this,_ I agreed. _I won't fail this time. I can fix this._


	2. Homework

I sat at the kitchen table, working hard on the essay for my 18th Century Lit. class, followed by the studying I needed to do for Psychology and the lab write-up I had for Chemistry.

I was just thankful that the damn homework for Algebra was done already.

With Mrs. Tran's help, I made it in to a community college in Flathead, Montana. She helped me re-dye my hair to a more normal color (I went with being a redhead. If it worked for Rowena, it should work for me no problem), forge myself a GED and some other background documents, and thanks to what Sam and Dean had taught me I had a new driver's license under the name Diana Kylie Tran. (Mrs. Tran's idea on keeping my first name in general, and my idea on the last name.) The college was maybe 20 minutes from where she lived, so I could continue living with her and not have to pay for on-campus housing.

Our plan was that after I had established enough papers to pass the scrutiny of an accredited institution (and apparently having two years of basics out of the way would be insanely helpful, plus a job soon), I would advance to a higher university.

"You know you can do better than community college, sweetheart." Mrs. Tran told me. "I know you can, and I bet if Kevin were here he'd be pushing you to go straight for it."

"Yes, well, I'd still like a bit of buffer time to make sure I'm in the clear." I answered. "It's a tactically sound move."

If I had been completely honest, I would've included the part about how I was going to enjoy being a part of a family again. Coming home to meals, doing homework on a kitchen table, having a mom remind me to do my homework and asking about my day. Hell, having a mom in general. No worries about magic or demons or angels or Lucifer or the Winchesters or the end of the world. Just… Just being able to make a choice, a choice for me. Not for the world. Not for anyone else. Just for me, to make a choice for me and chose what I want and be able to do what I want. I wanted an education. I wanted a chance at a normal life.

And finally, I could choose to have that.

"Want me to check over that algebra homework?" Mrs. Tran offered. I nodded, sliding her over the workbook of completed pages as I continued working on the chemistry. It was actually a lot similar to spell creating and formation, which made it easy.

Hell, having the book floating right in front of me with the ability to flip to a specific page as I worked made it easy, even.

"Kylie," Mrs. Tran said calmly.

"Yeah, mom?"

"Didn't you only have pages 112 through 120?

"Yeah."

"You went through 140." She stated. I stopped, turning my head to the workbook.

Sure enough, I'd done some extra.

"Well, I guess I have next week's homework out of the way, then." I said, shrugging as I turned back to my Chemistry. "Dammit." I muttered, looking back up at her. "How long have I been doing this lab?" I asked.

"Maybe a half-hour." Mrs. Tran answered. "Why?" In answer to her question, I held up my work that I was doing. There were some seriously over-complicated calculations written down to prove my work on this.

"I think I just turned this in to a spell." I stated, looking at it for a minute again. Mrs. Tran just laughed.

"If magic was a job." She muttered, smiling. I held a hand to the page, and everything disappeared on it except the basics.

"That look good?" I asked. She shook her head.

"Missing what I want to say are three more basic calculations and," she flipped it over. "The explanation paragraph."

"I hate those." I muttered.

"When is it due?"

"Tomorrow at four."

"And when is the essay due?"

"Tomorrow at two."

"You need to stop procrastinating." She told me.

"I know." I agreed. "Look, it's, what… Ten now?" I asked, checking a clock. Ten exactly. "The Lit. Essay is only four pages. Ten minutes to finish up this stuff, another hour, maybe, on the essay, and the psych test isn't until Friday morning so I'm thinking flashcard the crap out of it tomorrow after classes?"

"You want help with the flashcards?"

"I'll make them myself," I promised. "But it's a bit of a pain to float them and run through the info at the same time." Complete and utter lie, but I liked studying with Mrs. Tran. "Mind being a card flipper for me?"

"No problem." She smiled, setting down the algebra as she got up to grab two glasses of water. "You called me mom, you know."

"I did?" I asked, my book clattering to the table. I winced. Dead giveaway of nerves and anxiety.

"You did." She said. I looked over, afraid to see that pitying disappointed face that would tell me not to do that again.

Instead, she smiled at me, and brought over the glasses. "What's wrong? You look startled at that."

"No, no." I said quickly, floating the book again. "I just… I understand if you would prefer me not to."

"Sweetheart, I'm glad that you do!" She assured me, handing me some water. I gulped down half of it fast. "I'm glad that you think of me as your mom, and that you're comfortable with saying it."

"Thank you." I let out a sigh of relief.

"Don't thank me for that!" She told me. "I'm happy that you do."

We sat together in silence, me finishing up the Chemistry so I could move on to the Lit essay. I finished it in under fifty minutes, and called it a night.

If I'd known that that would've been the last normal night I got of college, the last one from a few weeks of good normal college life, I would've hugged Mrs. Tran tighter.


	3. Another Day, Another Deal

I was in my Psychology class. The professor was droning on about Freudian theories, I think. Maybe Pavlov's dogs? Hell, I don't know. It wasn't pertinent to the exam upcoming, and the professor always posted the notes online. I could review them later.

I doodled a few aimless drawings. Different spell ideas, ones I hadn't thought out fully but were kind of just… Well… doodling. One was a revised Devil's trap, quicker and more efficient to draw, with salt infused in its creation. Another, same idea, but with holy water. Quicker ways to create holy water, a way to create it widespread, like across a college campus. Demon-proofing widespread, without a huge-ass devil's trap needed. I had a lot of pages scribbled across, all of the notes and non-drawings written down in Pictish Swirl.

My phone buzzed, again, for probably the hundredth time in twice as many seconds. I ignored it. Crowley had been sending me stupid-ass questions and emoticons all day, wondering why I was ignoring him and if we were "on the rocks" because "I had found a new collegiate demon."

His words. Not mine.

I felt it buzz again, and actually put effort in to focusing on the psychology lesson. Victorian psychosexual stages and why so much of that stuff was considered mental illness for so long, as well as how it contributed to them.

Note to self. Sex sells and apparently drives bat-shit crazy.

"Really?" A quiet voice asked beside me. I fought the urge to jump, turning to look at the person now occupying what used to be an empty seat. "You're ignoring me for crazy sex lessons?"

"Crowley." I seethed, keeping my voice quiet. "I'm in class."

"And now you're not." He said, snapping his fingers. We were outside the building, standing under a tree next to some very startled (and very stoned) freshmen. They stared at us, eyes wide, earning an eye-roll from Crowley. "Go on, you lot. Scat." He brushed his hands at them, flashing his red eyes.

I don't think I've ever seen stoned people run that fast.

"Really?" I asked him. "In the middle of my psych class?"

"Women were oppressed, people thought sex was demonic, and you were quite obviously bored." Crowley held up a hand, my notes and even my pen clenched between his fingers. He handed them back to me, and I took them quickly. "Plus, you warded your nice home with Mrs. Tran to the nines. I don't think I can get within fifteen feet of the place, much less anything else that's not 100% human or allowed by you."

"It's twenty feet." I corrected him quietly. I'd done a good job on those wardings, and you could bet your ass I was proud of them.

"What, did you have a weekend off?" Crowley asked. "Do you really not trust me that much?"

"You made a point about protecting Mrs. Tran." I stated. "I didn't want to leave her in danger."

"Yes, I can't quite get a lock on her, either." Crowley commented, looking at the new necklace I wore. "Your own design, I'm guessing?"

"Nobody can find either of us unless I want them to." I answered. "And only I can find Mrs. Tran right now."

"With magic, of course." Crowley reminded me. "But, you know, with normal means…" He shrugged.

"If you're here to threaten me or her," I warned him, but he waved a dismissive hand.

"Relax, I've got a job for you."

"Oh really?" I raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him.

"Yes, really." He looked almost hurt by my sarcasm. "You're a waste of talent here, Kylie. Look around." He waved an arm around at the space. "Community college. Classes on crazy sex-"

"Psychology." I corrected. He made an exasperated face at me.

"Psychology class and algebra and chemistry and 18th Century Literature-"

"Did you hack in to my schedule?"

"The point is that you're wasted talent, here." Crowley stated. "Look at what you did out of boredom!" He motioned to the pages in my hands. "And I bet you do more without meaning to for your classes, as well. Advanced computations and the like?" He raised his own eyebrows, smirking just a little.

"So what?" I challenged. "I like this life. I like college, and trying to be normal, and dinner with a family!"

"You're a witch." Crowley reminded me. "And a damn good one."

"So?"

"Lucifer is back." He hissed. At my lack of change in facial expressions, he looked mildly surprised. "And you know?"

"I pay attention to the news." I stated. Lotta bodies had been dropping, eyes burnt out of their skulls. Lucifer was looking for a new vessel. "I figure since he and God were pretty chill, though, that it can't be that big of a problem."

"God left again, and he's looking for a vessel." Crowley reminded me. "Do those really seem like the actions of someone that can't be that big of a problem?" When I didn't answer, he continued. "Why would he look for a vessel if nothing was wrong?"

He was right, it hadn't seemed 100% kosher to me either. But I was out, it wasn't my problem anymore. I didn't want it to be my problem anymore.

"And Dean is alive." Crowley continued. "You didn't kill him."

"What?" I didn't know about this. I couldn't help but feel ecstatic for a moment. Dean was alive. Sam was alive. Cas was alive. Everyone was alive. They just didn't know I was too.

"I know. Shocking, isn't it?"

"How do you know?"

"I've spoken with him." Crowley explained. "He and Cas are looking for Sam while I've been hunting down the Devil."

"What happened with Sam?"

"So you're interested?" I didn't answer. "Their mother is back, too, by the way."

"I felt something weird." I admitted. An old soul had returned. "But I didn't think it was that."

"Look, I get that you want out," Crowley said. "And I'll leave you out, I promise. I just want you to find the Devil for me."

"What makes you think I can do that?" Crowley just motioned to the notes in my hands. "Fine. Then what's in it for me?"

"Want a hellhound?" He offered. "Completely serious on this, by the way. Hellhound puppy. I know you can see them."

Very true, actually. I'd cast a spell both on myself and put every pair of Mrs. Tran's glasses through holy fire. I could see hellhounds without any aid, now, and Mrs. Tran could if need be.

"You know those are extremely volatile." I pointed out. "And dangerous."

"Good for ingredients."

"That's an actual living creature!" I pointed out.

"So you're in?"

I gritted my teeth, letting out a short huff of breath. "I'm going to need a leash." I said. "And this is just a one-time thing. It'll be a great guard dog."

"Leash, engraved collar, even a few bags of meat for food to start you off." Crowley offered. "A hellhound is gonna be a big responsibility, though."

"Said the man who's offering it." I pointed out.

"So we're in agreement?" Crowley asked. I looked around, letting out a huff of air.

"Just _finding_ the Devil." I said. "Nothing more, nothing less."

"And in return you get added protection in the form of a dog." Crowley reminded me.

"This is going to be fun to explain." I muttered. "Hey, Mrs. Tran. Yeah, I enchanted your glasses in case of an emergency, but don't worry, this hellhound with us is here to protect us, courtesy of the demon you loathe with a burning passion. I think I'll name it Trixie."

"So you're in, right?" Crowley asked.

"You gonna do my homework, too?" I asked. Crowley thought about it, then nodded. "And I want this to be A-quality work."

"I feel so used." The demon muttered, but I could see a bit of a smile on his face.

"You missed me." I accused him. "Admit it, you missed having me around."

"You're the one who misses hunting." Crowley responded. He still couldn't quite hide that smile, though.

"I want this deal in writing." Crowley reached in to his pocket, pulling out his own rolled up papers. In his other hand, a pen.

I signed it much too eagerly.


	4. Memories (Castiel POV)

I had been searching hard for Sam. I _needed_ to find Sam, _needed_ to do something helpful. They'd failed, and I'd been beaten to a small pulp by a woman named Mrs. Watt, with enchanted brass knuckles. I couldn't help but think of how Kylie would've loved to know how she did that; would've loved seeing how she had accomplished enchanting them. She was always interested in things like that, in how other people chose to use magic.

That, and Kylie had a knack for fighting styles. She probably would've been fine, or at least had a spell to keep us fine. She would've had a way to figure it all out.

 _Keep your hands up._ She was sparring with Dean, trying to learn what she could. I had wandered in, and was watching from the shadows. _Come on, Kylie. Keep that left hand up, don't let it drag!_

One hit to her left side, with her hand too low to block. She winced in pain, and I winced with her.

Another hit, same side. Another shared wince.

The third time, though, I just barely caught a glimpse of a smile before she dodged Dean's swing, and hit him square in the solar plexus. He wheezed, taking a few steps back as he clutched his chest tightly. _You… You played me._ His voice, though out of breath, was a mixture of surprise, happiness, and pain.

 _You taught me to._ That was her response. _You taught me to. And you swing weak. If I'm going to learn to fight and defend, and do it well, I need you to swing like you mean it._

 _Swing like you mean it, Cas._ She wouldn't have wanted me to stay on the ground like that. She would have wanted me to fight, and to win. Not that it had mattered in the end, anyways. Mary had done what Kylie would have done, and stabbed Mrs. Watt.

And now I was standing outside a house, one that I was certain was where Sam was, but it was warded like… well… like Kylie had come in personally to do it. She never missed a beat.

 _Babe, I'm sorry, but I have to finish these wardings on the door real quick._ Kylie was painting, kind of, but with invisible ink and a black light. We were in our apartment. She just wanted to make sure we were safe. _I promise, no angel wardings. I've already double and triple checked all of this. Plus, with the invisible ink, the landlord will never have to know!_ She wiped a hand across her face, smearing invisible ink across herself. _Well, so long as he doesn't run a black light in here as well, which we really should've done before moving in as well._ She shuddered a little. _That closet needs five buckets of bleach and, quite possibly, six of holy water and salt-infused crosses._ We'd both shared a laugh at that. I hadn't told her about the invisible ink until after I'd kissed her.

I wondered for a moment if the people inside the house, the people holding Sam, had done the same. I couldn't get any closer to the place. This was some very well done spellwork.

I reached up for the ring around my neck, holding it lightly. "I won't fail you." I promised. "Dean isn't dead. Sam can't be dead yet. I will keep fixing my failures." There was only one failure I couldn't fix, though. Failing her. I could still see that look in her eyes, the look of betrayal and fear and terror right before she disappeared.

It was the same look that haunted my nightmares, the same look that I would never be able to erase from my memory.

I picked up my phone, and made a call to Dean and his mother. I could fix this failure. I could re-unite the Winchester family. I could do something good.

That way, when I finally went to visit Kylie in heaven, she would forgive me.


	5. Chuck-Dammit

I called Mrs. Tran to let her know I would be home late, if at all. "Something came up." I explained. "I can't tell you about it just yet, but I promise when it's safer I will."

"You better be home by breakfast, then." She said. "And with your homework done."

"It's no problem." I assured her. "Homework is taken care of, I promise."

"Alright…" She thought for a moment. "Tell Crowley I owe him a hard slap."

I stared at the phone, aghast. "You… You…"

"You wouldn't run off with the Winchesters, and if it were Castiel you would've told me." She explained. "As much as I hate that demon, if you're working with him, then it must be important."

"It is." I promised her, my voice much more serious.

"Then good luck." She said. "And I hope you bartered for something good." We both laughed before hanging up, and I got to work. Crystal balls were so cliche, but in this case I wanted a face, a person. A crystal ball on top of a map, and I could get an estimate on a location. The only problem was a lack of supplies. Whenever I was trying to find Dean or Sam or even Cas, I had things to go off of. Hair, feathers, some sort of DNA or representative of THEM. With Lucifer, however, I had jack shit. No hair. No feathers. Nothing short of a handful of crack-induced "Satan Summoning Rituals" from the friendly local chapter of the Satanist fan club.

This was gonna take some mixing and fixing, but I had a few ideas. Crowley was right, after all. I'd been doodling a few different things. Summonings. Trackings. Healings. Expulsions. The only thing I hadn't really touched was time travel, but that was on principal. I'd seen enough Doctor Who to understand that the cardinal rule was to NOT mess with time, or else things would change, and not always for the better.

After a few hours though (with a decent part of that time filled with Crowley complaining about how long it was taking, grabbing me some supplies and paper, and more than one failed attempt), I finally had something worked out that I was certain would work. " _Quaerite et invenietis._ " I muttered. _Seek and ye shall find_.

Crowley stalked over to me, his steps as impatient as ever. "What's the bloody hold-up?" He demanded. "He's the one and only Satan in the phonebook."

"It's _witchcraft_ , not _Google_ _Maps_." I reminded him. "And last time I did this, as well as every other time I did this, I had a piece of hair or something with their DNA on it to start my search from. Even with Cas, I had a name, face, and a few feathers. With this," I shook my head, working hard to focus. "It's like trying to find a vial of airborne disease among a shit ton of empty ones."

"He's the Devil. He has an aura." Crowley stated. "Supreme evil. Lock on to that. You were able to do it with Amara." He let out a sigh. "Do I have to do everything?"

"I get that he's got an aura, everyone has an aura, that's what I cover up when I throw on my good disguises." I said. "However, even with exposure to his aura, this isn't like Amara's. The exposure isn't nearly as recent, and Amara was packing enough power and energy that I could physically sense when she blasted out even a small bit. Lucifer would have to do something big, like torch a freaking metroplex or something, to give me that much power to check out."

"Isn't the body-dropping enough?" He asked. "Can't you get something from that?"

"Well, did you _bring_ me any of the bodies?" I asked.

"You didn't _ask_ for the bodies."

"Look, bring me the most recent one you've got, and see if you can extract any residue angel grace from it." I requested. "That should give me a more specific idea instead of…" I glanced at my set-up. Light beaming through the crystal had burned a hole in a couple different states and almost every major geological rock formation. "Well, it seems as though I'm getting something about California, Colorado, Nebraska, Tennessee, and New York, as well as a crap ton of mountain ranges, which I know for a fact is more than we had hours ago."

"I bet you Rowena could've been done sooner." Crowley stated.

"Speaking of which, why didn't you ask her?" I had been wondering this for a while. "She didn't chose to be out, and has as much against Lucifer as I do."

"I did ask her, just so you know." Crowley said.

"And?"

"She said no."

"I believe I said no a lot sooner."

"And yet, here you stand."

"Yeah, and I still can't believe I'm once again teaming up with you, seeking some form of bad to further what I'm assuming is another attempt on Hell by you." I retorted. "When does this end, by the way?" No answer. I let out a small huff, returning to trying to figure out what in the hell my spell had gotten me info on. I was certain that it would work, and I wasn't sure what it's success had just earned me. "This is exactly why I'm going to college." I muttered.

"Community college, which is boring and beneath you and something that you jumped to leave without much persuasion."

"And yet, you are actively avoiding why you didn't get your mother in on this first." I reminded him. He let out a small sigh.

"I did." He said again. "And she said no."

"You accepted that because?"

"Because she's trying for the same thing." He answered. "Mother is… dating. A rich man. She wants out, and wants to live a life with a rich, albeit also extremely boring, man."

"Really? You accept her normal life but not mine?"

Crowley said nothing, and I stopped, thinking for a moment. "You care." I said, everything finally clicking. "You care about your mom. And about her happiness and safety. You missed me, wanted me around, and your mom said no so you went for the next best thing for company. You couldn't not have someone around a second time." I stared at him for a few moments. "The King of Hell is lonely."

"And you aren't happy in that normal life either." Crowley said softly. "That's why you agreed so easily. You missed this just as much. You miss Cas."

We both stood in silence for a while. A demon missed companionship, missed a common cause and friendship (and maybe even being a good guy). A witch missed the supernatural, missed an angel, missed the life she'd given up to keep what used to be her family, well… a family together.

Crowley took a few steps towards me, reaching in to his pocket. He pulled out a small vial of angelic grace, maybe a fourth of the way full.

"I figured you would need this." He said. "But if not, I wanted to save it in case of an emergency. Snagging it from a dead body was a little tricky, though. Definitely took every last drop."

"Thanks." I said, smiling. I took the vial from him, staring at my ball and map once more. I poured the contents straight on to the crystal ball, and watched as it seeped inside and swirled around for a moment.

" _Ostende illum mihi quen quaero._ " _Show it to me, show me what I seek._

The ball started crackling, and I could see an image and a name forming inside of it. The image was a place, and the name was more than likely his vessel.

"Lucifer?" Crowley asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, I got him." I confirmed. "You want the location or the name?"

"Just the name, for now. I only want to know who we're dealing with before we attack." That we didn't sit quite as well with me.

"By 'we,' you mean the Winchesters and Castiel, right Crowley?" When he didn't answer, I tried again. "Lemme say this a second time, **right Crowley?** "

"I don't need them." Crowley said. "Just you."

I let out a sigh. "Chuck-dammit."

"Look, it's obvious." Crowley argued. "We've got to put Lucifer back in the cage. You're the only one that can do it, now. Probably even better and faster than Mother."

I took the crystal ball and took it off its pedestal, shaking my head.

"I should've known it would be more." I muttered. "I don't want to get involved again, Crowley. I can't."

"You already are involved." He answered. "Nobody remembers you're alive except for four people. Myself, Mrs. Tran, you, and Lucifer." I grimaced. "With him still around, he could spill the beans, put the Winchesters back on the one-way train to hating you. And if he doesn't," Crowley shrugged. "I might."

"You wouldn't."

"I think we both know that that's not true."

"You're a righteous, manipulative, self-centered ass."

"And you haven't outright said no, again." Crowley pointed out. I thought it over in my head.

"Lucifer can't be sent back to the cage." I told him. "Not while he's in a vessel, which he definitely is at this point. A more semi-permanent one, at that. Not one that he burns out in a few seconds or days."

"He won't be." Crowley assured me. "Not by the time we're ready."


	6. I'm Involved Now

"They told me you'd be here." Lucifer hissed at Crowley. I stood, hidden and cloaked in the shadows. Invisibility plus the normal disguise, and I was back in the unknown status to Lucifer.

"Really?" I was impressed. Crowley sounded… Disinterested. Lucifer, on the other hand? Quite enraged. He lunged forwards, grabbing the arms of Crowley's throne as he leaned down to eye level with the demon.

"Get off my furniture, squatter." He ordered.

"Lucifer. Wearing Vince Vincente, second-tier star." He flicked some dirt from under his nails. "I would've thought Bieber was more your style."

Personally, I disagreed. Bieber wasn't his style at all. He was too… Primpy. Nobody wanted a gaggle of hormonal tweenies chasing after them.

"You're either mad," Lucifer proclaimed, cocking his head. "Or dim." It was easier, seeing him looking like this instead of… It wasn't his voice. I mean, it was the same voice, same intonations, same lilts, same undertones, but it wasn't Castiel's voice that matched Lucifer's style of talking. Not this time. That still didn't stop me from hearing it in his voice for a moment, though.

When Crowley didn't respond, Lucifer stood, and walked away from Crowley. Either he wasn't powerful enough to get anything from the demon, or he had decided it wasn't worth it. I was hoping the former was true. "I have a proposal." Crowley offered. This made the Devil stop, turning. "I mean, why in Hell would you want to rule over a motley, witless crew of demons? God's on sabbatical again." I don't think Crowley noticed the almost imperceptible flinch. "You could reclaim Heaven. Now, that's real estate that's worth ruling. I can handle the branch office."

Lucifer faced Crowley, arms crossed, looking like he was making a mockery of contemplating the offer. "Or," he countered. "I could raise my hand, smite you into oblivion."

There it was - my cue. " _Manete_." I said, holding out a hand. I remembered Rowena using this on me. I had felt pained, and couldn't move. " _Manete_." I repeated, moving out from where I was hiding. I could see the pain on Lucifer's face.

"Problem?" Crowley asked. I continued to repeat the word, _Manate_ , as he spoke. "Mummy's little paralyzing spell. I taught it to a new witch. Trust me, it works."

"I know this new witch." Lucifer said. "I've felt this magic once before, and I don't forget the signature each spell leaves. Diana Nyx," he turned his head towards me, and for a moment I felt pure fear. "Also known as Kylie Dillinger. Up to your old tricks again, huh?" He clucked his tongue. "I should've finished the job when I had the chance. Oh, and trust me," Lucifer challenged, his eyes glowing red. "This little spell you're working on me, it won't hold. Not for long."

"Oh?" Crowley held up two clear balls, liquid bouncing around the insides of both. Sulfuric acid.

I won't lie. Lucifer's screams as the acid burned his face… I felt a little good at that. Call it payback for the Arctic Circle.

"Now!" Crowley ordered. "His essence, send it back to the cage."

" _Wah tay_ ," I chanted, praying that it would work. His essence was still in the vessel, but not completely. My keeping him still, combined with Crowley burning him, was helping me get a bit of a grip on the Devil's essence. " _Fay roh lah_!"

I threw a bit of Vince Vicente's hair in to a fire, and watched it burn up in a small puff of smoke.

And that was it.

Nothing else happened.

"Kylie," Crowley warned. I could already feel dread at the spell not working. It should've worked. Why didn't it work?! Shit!

" _Manete_!" I could feel it breaking, feel my power weakening. No. No no no no no. Please no. Please don't. " _Manete!_ _ **Manete!**_ "

" _It's not working!_ " Crowley shouted. I could hear some desperation in his voice, as well, and fought the urge to respond " _ **NO SHIT!**_ " I kept chanting, but it was no use. Lucifer stood, almost effortlessly, as light began to glow from behind him.

I'd only seen a few angels do what Lucifer did, spread their wings just enough for humans to perceive. Each time I had seen it, though, the wings had been clipped, broken; evidence of the damages still left over from the fall. Lucifer's wings were full. No feathers falling or missing. They just shone in the shadow we were forced to see it through, fully functioning and definitely dangerous. Lucifer raised two glowing hands to his face, healing it instantly.

"Bad, bad Crowley." Lucifer chided, shaking his head. He took a step towards Crowley, and the demon popped around to appear behind me. He put a hand on my shoulder, and we both got the hell outta dodge, landing next to a small pond in the middle of nowhere. We got a call from Crowley's mother less that twenty minutes later. Lucifer had her. He couldn't track me, I was warded, but Rowena… Not so much. He was just calling to gloat.

"I'm sorry." I told the demon. He brushed it off. "We're going to find her."

"I thought you wanted out, done, never to be seen again." Crowley spat.

"Well, I'm involved now, aren't I?" I asked.

"Classes? College?"

"Please, I'm me." I said, rolling my eyes. I walked over to the small pond, holding out a hand as an idea came to mind; one I had accidentally doodled on what I think was some Chemistry homework focusing on the properties of water. " _Et reflectere novum_." _And reflect new._ I watched as the water rippled for maybe a moment before a second me, looking exactly like the first me, rose from where my hand had been and walked out of the water completely dry. "She'll only last a few days," I explained, looking over the duplicate. An exact replica of me, when I was disguised. "And is completely mute, but that should take care of classes and college. She has no magic, no powers, but all of my smarts." The duplicate of me nodded enthusiastically. "And hopefully, that homework you promised you'd do." I turned to Crowley. He nodded, snapping his fingers. A folder appeared in his hand in an instant, all the work for this week and even what appeared to be a part of next week's in there. "Damn. You outdid yourself." I commented, taking the folder from him to leaf through it. Immaculate work, even looked to be done in my handwriting!

"A bonus, for the extra work." He explained. I enchanted the pages and folder to be waterproof, then handed it all to the duplicate.

"There shouldn't be any tests, so just turn these in and show up to classes." I told the duplicate. It nodded again. "Oh! I almost forgot!" I thought for a moment, turning to Crowley. "Do you have a pen and a blank piece of paper?" He just handed me the items in response, and I wrote a quick letter to Mrs. Tran.

 _Things got complicated. I can't back out just yet. Will call soon. Duplicate is mute._

 _I'm sorry. Stay safe mom._

 _Love,_

 _Kylie_

I enchanted the note to be waterproof as well, and stuck it in the folder. "Make sure this gets to Mrs. Tran." I ordered, pointing out the small note as clearly as possible. My duplicate offered a last nod before I sent it on its way to campus.

"Why are you helping me?" Crowley asked afterwards. "You could leave, now, if you want. Why stay?"

"Lucifer knows I'm involved now." I answered. "He knows I'm alive, and knows that I just tried to gun for him. I don't think I _can_ leave, not safely." I thought for a moment. "Shit, my duplicate won't be enough to protect Mrs. Tran. It can't do shit but be a stand in."

Crowley held up a hand, silencing me as he dialed a number. "Tran residence in Montana. Protection. Highest priority." He said, then hung up. I stared at him in confusion. "What? I promised you in the first place that if you worked with me, I would keep Linda Tran safe." He reminded me. "You don't think I keep my promises?"

"Thank you." I said, slightly stunned.

"Yeah, well, don't get used to it." He said. "I'm still a demon." I fought back the urge to say he wasn't anymore. Not fully, anyways. "Oh, and speaking of promises," he turned towards the water himself, and raised a hand. " _Canis inferorum_." The water turned black, and from it a viscous black dog emerged, coming up to my knees. I knew that Crowley and I were the only ones that could see it. It turned to me, and growled only for a moment.

" _Concedo_." I commanded, kneeling in front of it. The dog didn't growl again, just stared at me for a moment. I rooted around for my pocketknife, and sliced my palm before petting it's back.

I'd never seen a hellhound's tail wag before until that moment.

"How did you know that would work?" Crowley asked. "I didn't even know that would work."

"How do you guys usually tame your hellhounds?"

"Smoke through them for a moment, combines the essences." He answered.

"I think I just did the same." I answered, scratching behind it's ear. It felt a little gooey, and a bit like when I solidified Kevin to give him a hug. "How old?"

"Maybe a few weeks." Crowley answered. I stared back at the dog.

"That's a big puppy." I commented.

"And you're going to need her." Crowley answered. "Good protection against Lucifer."

"Great." I stood, and the dog took it's place at my left side. "Her?"

"Her." Crowley confirmed. "I believe you called it 'Trixie' earlier."

"No way." I shook my head. "Trixie is too… _eugh_." I made a face at the name.

"Figure it out later." Crowley told me. "We have work to do."


	7. Does It Ever Go Away? (3rd POV)

_"Cas?" Kylie's voice rang out clear as a bell in the darkness. Castiel searched about frantically, terrified. She was here somewhere. She had to be here somewhere. "Cas?!" Her voice was scared, worried, frightened. "Cas!"_

 _Castiel kept searching, kept running, kept trying to find her. It was so dark, so foggy, he could barely see his own two hands in front of him. "Kylie?!"_

 _He stopped, breathing hard. Something was wrong. Something was bad. Something was missing, something he should know but couldn't see in front of him._

 _"Kylie?!" The silence was deafening. She should be here, be somewhere. Why had she stopped shouting? He couldn't find her without her helping. He couldn't find her if he couldn't hear her or see her._

 _He had to find her._

 _She had to be here somewhere._

 _Castiel turned in a full circle, catching the barest glimpses of a shadow out of the corner of his eye._

 _Something is wrong. Run. Run now. Run far and fast and don't watch this._

 _"Cas?" Kylie's voice came from behind him, quiet and scared. Castiel turned around to see her, standing still. She was wearing a white dress, simple, almost…_

 _Almost like a wedding dress._

 _A simple one, with a slight V neckline, billowing sleeves and a flowing waistline. It trailed behind her slightly, blowing in the unseen breeze. She looked absolutely beautiful, and yet… Her expression was so terrified. She was staring at something that scared her._

 _She was looking at Cas, and she looked utterly terrified._

 _"Kylie, are you alright?" Castiel asked her. She didn't answer, made no motion to answer, just kept staring. "Kylie?"_

 _The front of her dress started to bloom a brilliant red, and Castiel felt his stomach drop as a new figure appeared from behind her with a soft schlick. The figure… It looked like Castiel, looked like him, but it wasn't. It was Lucifer. "Sorry, little brother." He crooned. Kylie fell back, the fear never leaving her eyes. "But she's only an ape, after all, and it's not like apes are ever actually that important." He dropped her, let her fall to the ground like a piece of trash. Castiel ran towards her, trying to catch her before she hit the ground, as Lucifer cackled above him._

Castiel woke up with a start, actually feeling sweat on his brow as he sat up straight. He was back at the cheap hotel desk, in the cheap hotel chair, with all his notes on tracking Lucifer splayed out in front of him like a thin pillow. There was no oppressing darkness, no fog and mist, no Lucifer…

Then again, no Kylie either.

That part... That part was true.

She was dead. Lucifer had killed her, with his own hands. He had been about to say her name. He could feel it on his lips.

Cas reached up to clasp the ring, her wedding ring. She'd taken it off, for some reason. She'd had it off when Lucifer had killed her, and he'd kept it to maintain his cover. Now, of ourse, with the Devil gone… Cas wore the ring around his neck, on a simple leather cord. It was want she would've wanted. She hated fancy and decadent, even as a reminder of her no longer being homeless. It was just… It wasn't her.

He'd lost Kylie, lost Sam, almost lost Dean… Cas kept losing people.

The angel was just tired of losing so much. When it came to finding Sam, he'd been ruthless. Mary's question of whether he really was an angel had definitely been warranted. Cas hadn't been acting like one.

He stood up from his desk, taking a look at his notes on Lucifer for a moment. He was still out there, after all. Lucifer was the cause of all this. Lucifer was the one that killed Kylie. Lucifer was the one that failed against Amara. Lucifer was to blame, and Castiel was going to find the bastard. The angel let go of Kylie's ring to twist his own, for just a moment, remembering how particular Kylie was about how her things were organized.

 _Babe, I love you, but you gotta let me organize these._ Kylie had said. Her notes on Amara, on anything, all were organized in a specific way. It was the same way Kevin had done his. Cas started to organize the notes, doing his best to imitate how Kylie had done it, before resuming his work.

 _For Kylie._ He thought. _For Kylie._

When he was finished, he stared at them a while longer. It was late at night. Extremely late.

And yet someone else, other than him, was awake.

Cas walked out of his room, towards the other awake presence he felt. It was Mary, Sam and Dean's mother, sitting at the battle table as she read through John's notebook. Mary looked up at the angel, and offered him a small smile. "Castiel." She greeted. "What are you doing up?"

"Oh, I'm always up." Castiel answered. It probably wasn't pertinent for her to know that he had just been attempting sleep, to try and get through another night quickly. "Angels don't need sleep." It didn't stop him from trying to, though. He could dream.

Mary looked a little stunned by the information, and took a second to process it before looking back at the journal. "Wish I had the problem." She muttered. Castiel walked up to the table Mary sat at, intending to sit beside her. They were both awake, after all. No point in letting people suffer alone. At the nearing of his presence, though, Mary let out a sigh before closing John's journal. "Anyways," Mary said as she rose. "I think I'll go try again." She walked away from Cas with quiet footsteps. "Wish me luck."

 _"What's the expression humans say?" Castiel had asked. He was straightening his tie, getting ready for the interview at the Gas n Sip. "'Wish me luck?'"_

 _"Luck!" Kylie responded, offering him a small smile._

"Luck." Castiel responded, his voice… Different. A little hollower. Mary stopped, then. She understood that tone.

He may be an angel, but he was struggling with something as well.

So she stopped, turning to look at him. "Castiel?" He looked up at her, returning from whatever memory he had been chasing down. From the look on his face, that sorrowful mourning look, Mary decided not to ask what he was thinking about, and went with a different question. "After you left heaven, when did it start to feel like…" She thought for a moment. "Like you fit – like you... Belonged here?"

"I met someone." Castiel admitted, sitting down. "More than once, actually. The first time… I don't know if that was actually meeting as more as me reaching for verification that I was a good God." He let out a small laugh. "And afterwards… I don't know. She was kind. She was honest. She was… Well… Her." He shrugged, and smiled. "She was her, in every sense of the word, and I loved her for it."

"Was that hers?" Mary asked, pointing to the ring around his neck. Castiel nodded.

"I proposed to her, I wanted to marry her like… like normal humans do, and live a life with her, whatever kind of life she wanted, if she would have me."

"What happened?"

"It was my fault." That was all Castiel would say about it to her. That was all he could say about it to her right then. Her face was still fresh in his mind, the one from his nightmare. "And now," he shook his head. "Well, I'm not sure if I do belong here anymore. Not fully."

Mary let out a small sigh, patting him on the shoulder. "I know that was hard for you to tell me." She said. "And I understand. I miss my husband too." The admittance was like a weight being lifted from her shoulders.

"Does that feeling… Do you think it will ever go away?" Castiel asked. He wasn't certain which answer he wanted to hear, the yes or the no.

Mary shook her head. "No." She told him honestly. "I don't think it's supposed to, either."

She sat with him a little longer, the both of them thinking on that. When Mary got up to go to bed again, this time Castiel stopped her. "Mary," he said. She stopped in the entrance to the hallway, turning over her shoulder to face him as she clutched the journal tightly to her chest. "You do belong here." He assured her.

Mary just let out a small smile. "Goodnight, Castiel." She said softly.

When he got a hit on a possible Lucifer sighting the next morning, he jumped at the opportunity and went.


	8. Crossroads

"Fuck."

The word fell quietly from my lips. Beside me, Karma growled. "Easy, girl." I whispered, tossing her a shrimp from the little cocktail in front of me. She jumped to eat it quickly, and I swear I could see the hell hound smile.

My job was simple. Wait for the Tommy guy to come down for a drink after talking with the investigating officers.

I just didn't realize that the investigating officer would be Agent Beyonce, also known as Castiel.

 _Problem._ I shot the word out to Crowley like a hiss.

 _Or possible solution._ The demon offered.

 _No. No. NO. Absolutely not._

 _We'll need all the help we can get._

 _Not him._

 _Give me one good, solid, logical, tactical reason as to why not._ I didn't answer, and from across the room I could see Crowley smirk. _I thought so._

We'd already checked Tommy and Vince's rooms, we just wanted to talk with the guy himself to see what headway we could make. With Castiel beating us to that one, Crowley was right. The added angel muscle would be useful.

 _Fuck._

 _I still don't understand fully why you can't just reach out to him._

 _You saw what happened when the Winchesters knew._ I reminded him. _If I'd stayed, loyalties would been torn. Castiel wouldn't have been able to help Sam like they both needed._

 _And now?_

I didn't get a chance to answer, that time. Crowley had made his move. "I guess that makes me Agent Jay-Z." He said. I could see the automatic shift in Castiel's stance, that mix of loathing and unhappiness.

Cas didn't turn around, though. He walked straight out the doors, with Crowley tailing. _Stay close._

I kept myself disguised and this time, invisible, following the duo outside to Castiel's car. He had gotten rid of the pimp mobile.

I wondered briefly what he had done with the things I had stored inside of it.

"Come on, feathers!" Crowley shouted after the angel. "Bumping into each other, working the same leads. What are the odds, Cassie?" They stopped at the car, the pair on opposite sides of it. "Fate brought us together."

"I'm not interested." Castiel stated bluntly.

"Why not?" Crowley continued, almost pouting a little bit. "We made a somewhat effective team against Amara. It's been months, I mean MONTHS since we last tried to kill each other. And, we both have got very, very good reasons to want Lucifer dead."

Castiel stopped in his tracks, then. I could see the expression change. He no longer was simply tired of Crowley being there.

Now he was pissed.

"Don't." Castiel demanded, his tone instantly commanding the conversation to end. Crowley wasn't big on that, though, so he waited a few moments before speaking again.

"I'm sorry for what happened." Crowley said, his voice sombering. He pointed to something on Castiel's person, something I couldn't see. "You kept it. For her, right?"

"I will smite you."

"No you won't." Crowley waved a dismissive hand at the angel. "Because I'm not the one you're angry at. You're angry at yourself, and you're angry at Lucifer. Now, while you were gabbing with Vince's second fiddle, I was busy ransacking his room. Found these." Crowley reached in to his coat pocket, pulling out a few letters that _I_ had found. "Postcards from his beloved sister Wendy. Oh, and lookie here. An address and everything." He tossed them in to the front seat of the truck. "Worth a look."

Castiel unlocked the car, reaching in to take a look at the postcards.

 _Stay on Tommy._ Crowley's command was clear as a bell as he got in the car with Castiel.

 _Keep me updated._ I requested in turn.

 _Will do._

Castiel drove them off, to the address for the sister, Wendy. I watched them go, wishing I could be in the car with them.

"I miss you." I whispered. I did. Terribly. I wished I could be with him, with Castiel; I wished I could just drop all of this and run after them and…

And that would cause problems - _I_ would be the cause of many problems. Castiel might not even want me around, anymore. He had good memories or me, before all of this. Best not to taint those with a reality he doesn't know about.

I dropped the invisibility, and walked back inside. Karma followed, dutiful and quiet, as I took a seat at the bar. Tommy was already there.

"You look beat." I told him. He looked over at me, giving me the whole guy's once-over. I couldn't blame him. I knew I looked pretty damn hot.

His response, though, surprised me. "So do you." I stared at him for a moment, bewildered, until he continued. "You've got a far-away look in your eyes, like you're looking for someone you miss and know you won't ever be able to see them."

"Sounds like you know the feeling."

"I know the look." He corrected, waving at the bartender. "Beer, whatever's good on tap, and whatever she wants."

"I'll have the same." I responded. Tommy nodded approvingly. "My name is Diana." I offered a hand. He shook it willingly.

"Tommy."

"You look familiar." I pointed, pretending I had to think for a moment. "Aren't you from that band? Ladykillers, right?"

"Ladyheart, actually." Tommy corrected. "But close. You a fan?"

"My older sister, definitely." I lied. "I picked up a few songs here and there that I liked."

"Really?"

"Yeah. My favorite was Bloody Messiah." I only remembered that one because it was on a poster in one of their rooms.

"Really?" Tommy let out a small laugh. "I wouldn't have guessed."

"I tend to be full of surprises." The bartender set our drinks down in front of us. "Cheers." I clinked my glass to his, and we both drank with a small smile.

I got to work, then, chatting him up to learn everything I could. About four beers later, Tommy was telling me everything. Vince's red eyes, the way he'd been thrown like a rag doll. "It… I know exactly how crazy I sound, but it wasn't Vinnie. Not really. Not anymore."

I smiled, told him a few reassurances, gave him my number, and made an excuse to go. "But… Call me." I told him, offering a small smile. "If you need someone to talk to, and aren't quite certain about telling FBI guy _Beyonce_ ," I made a face, one that got him to smile at the audacity of the name. "I'll be here."

"Thanks." He nodded, grateful, and we parted ways.

I called Crowley a little later, giving him all the details. "Vince has a cabin up in Sagamore Hills. According to Tom, all of their greatest records were written there." I could almost see the nod in agreeance. "You want me to meet you guys there? Angel, witch, and demon did well against Amara. Can't be a half-bad shot against Lucifer."

"No." He said the word kindly, almost with hesitance, but that didn't make it any less of a surprise. "Go back to college."

"What?"

"It's been three days." He reminded me. "The water clone can't be holding up well."

"Oh."

Oh.

I'd actually forgotten about all of that. I'd forgotten about Mrs. Tran, about making a duplicate of myself, about college and the money spent on it and…

Oh.

"That is," Crowley conceded. "Unless you don't want to go back, and you'd rather stay with myself and Castiel."

I thought it over in my head for a moment. I could. I easily could. And it wouldn't be any sort of problem for me. That was the problem in itself.

I wanted to go back. To drop everything I'd been working towards for this normal life and run back in to hunting, run back in to the life of the supernatural, just dive headfirst and by God – sorry, by Chuck – I'd actually enjoy it.

I would actually enjoy it.

But I couldn't. Mrs. Tran had helped put forwards a decent amount of money towards college, and it wouldn't be fair to waste it like that. Not in the middle of semester. And to just abandon her in general like that…

I wouldn't be able to let Castiel know it was me, either. Or Sam and Dean, if it came down to it. I couldn't tell anybody. And it wouldn't really be hunting, then.

"No." I said, my voice firm. "You're right. I should go back. But, call if something comes up, alright?"

"Alright. Best of luck."

"Thanks."

And then I hung up. I hung up, and stared at the phone for a while. What in the world would possess me to actually want to be around a demon? And my former fiancé?

On a whim, I headed over to a nearby bathroom. It was empty. I looked in the mirror, and saw what everyone else saw.

The red hair was the same, yes, but darker. More of a dark red than the vibrant fire I'd dyed it. And the eyes… I still wore colored contacts, but my eyes weren't mine. My eyes were a gold-ish color, product of the hazel. These eyes in the mirror, they were a dark and dirty brown, with the eyes themselves seeming much too large for the small nose they were next to, a nose that still wasn't mine.

The mouth wasn't mine, the lips weren't mine, the face wasn't mine… None of it was actually me.

I saw myself as others saw me in the spell, and I hated it.

I dropped it instantly, and felt naked. I hadn't gone out in public for a long time without it. But the me in the mirror, the real me…

That didn't quite look like me either. That one just… She looked older, much older. Closer to her thirties than her early-twenties. Closer to a Winchester than a girl.

"What happened to me?" I asked. Beside me, Karma let out a small whine. "Hey, it's ok." I knelt down, scratching behind what I assumed was one of her ears.

This is what people do with a normal dog, and what did I get?

No, not what did I get. What did I choose to have? What did I get excited about and jump at the opportunity of having? What did I agree to?

A hellhound, that I had named Karma, because I thought it was funny.

What in the hell was wrong with me?

"Come on, girl." I said, placing my hand on what I figured was her forehead. " _Aditum_." I whispered, focusing on Mrs. Tran's house.

We were in the kitchen in an instant. It was Saturday. No classes. "Mrs. Tran?" I asked, looking around. There was a note on the fridge.

 **Out for groceries. Be back soon!**

I called her, taking a glance outside. No new visible security, but I trusted Crowley. I knew he would've made sure Mrs. Tran was protected.

I trusted Crowley. _Crowley_ , of all people. Hell, not even a full year ago I was willing to put his head on a stake purely out of spite, and now look at me. I wasn't pissed when he pulled me out of class, I was mildly inconvenienced. I decided to help Crowley, continue to help him past what we had agreed to.

What in the hell had happened to me?

"I don't know what to do." I finally admitted, looking over at Karma. Shit, I would have to get her a dog bed. Did they even make dog beds her size? Would she even like it? She'd started at knee level, but I could tell she was already getting a little taller. She'd probably come up to my waist at some point. And she would definitely need some more meat. "What is Mrs. Tran going to say?" I asked her, rubbing behind her ear again. Speaking of her…

I pulled out my phone, and dialed. Voicemail. "Hey, Mrs. Tran! I'm home! Saw you were out for groceries. If there's anything I can do for you before you get back, shoot me a text!"

I sat back on the floor, and watched Karma circle around me a few times before laying her head on my leg. It was a strange weight, semi-corporeal, like a heavy fog was focused on one specific spot. I scratched that spot she liked again, just thinking on my new situation.


	9. Rowena's Questions

They got Rowena back. She was just sitting there, drinking tea from a glass, waiting for them.

Rowena was quick to pull Crowley aside the second she could, claiming to need a moment alone with her son. In turn, Castiel was more than happy to comply and have a moment to himself (re: a moment outside of the demon's company).

Once he was gone, Rowena smacked Crowley's arm. "What aren't you telling me, Fergus?" She demanded, her voice just barely above a hiss.

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about, mother." He responded. "But, you know, a thank-you for the rescue wouldn't be out of order."

"You know damn well what I'm talking about." She hissed. "Who's the other witch?"

"Pardon?" Crowley did his best to keep a neutral face.

"The witch you summoned the damned Devil with in the first place!"

"And I will say again, I have no idea what you're talking about." The lie came easy to the King's lips, and for a moment he wondered why. He should feel conflicted about lying to his own mother; after all, he'd felt conflicted about involving her and guilty when she'd been forced. But lying about this random girl…

That was easy.

"You forget, I'm your mother." She stated. "I know what all your lying faces look like."

"Really?" Crowley asked. "And what does this face tell you?" He donned his best poker face, the same one that had gotten him out of enough bad situations to prove worthwhile.

"It tells me that you're hiding something." She replied, crossing her arms. "Now tell me, Fergus, or I'll tell the angel that you had a different witch on the payroll."

Crowley thought for a moment. "What did Lucifer say?"

"He said that you had Kylie," she said. "As a better-made imitation of me with red hair of her own. But we both know that this isn't true because Kylie died, right Fergus?" When he didn't answer, she pressed again. "Kylie is dead, right Fergus?"

"Yes." He said. "Kylie is dead." Not exactly a lie, those were the same words she'd said. Kylie was dead. Diana Nyx lived on in her stead.

"Then why did Lucifer seem so sure of otherwise?"

"Beats me." That was a blatant lie this time, accompanied by a shrug.

"Then who might this new cheap knock-off version of me be?"

"Diana Nyx." The alias was familiar to him, now. "Mother was a witch, father was an angel."

For a moment, Crowley feared he had blown everything. He saw something flit across Rowena's eyes, almost like recognition at the name and backstory. He relaxed internally, though, when he saw Rowena shake it off as déjà vu.

"A Nephilim witch?" She asked. Crowley nodded. "And you didn't think to introduce me?"

"I haven't known her for long." He answered. "You didn't need to be involved, so I found a new witch."

"Still…" She huffed. "Fine. Enjoy gallivanting off with a new witch. I feel like retiring with Republicans and martinis and yachts out on foreign waters."

"Best of luck, mother."


	10. Moms Always Help

Mrs. Tran got back an hour or so later. "Sorry I missed your call, sweetheart!" She said, walking in with five or so bags. I waved a hand at them, and they floated from her arms to the countertop. "Thank you. There are a few more in the car and…" She stopped, looking at my face, then at Karma beside me, then at me again. "Kylie…" Her voice was very calm, very quiet. "There's a thing next to you."

"It's a hellhound." I explained, keeping my hand on the back of her neck to rub it lightly. "Or, rather, a hell-puppy. Her name is Karma."

"I see." Mrs. Tran stared at Karma, not quite certain how to react. "Is it…"

"She." I told her. "Her name is Karma."

"Karma?" Mrs. Tran glanced at me. Karma hadn't moved a muscle since she had been noticed. "You've got a strange sense of humor, Kylie."

"I try." I motioned for Mrs. Tran to kneel down beside us, and watched as she did with the utmost caution. At her movements, Karma sat up, putting us head height with the dog. That little realization of us kneeling being the same height as her sitting made me fight to stifle a laugh for a moment. "Karma, this is Mrs. Tran." I whispered to the hound, rubbing that spot behind her ear she liked. "Be nice. _Defendo_."

I waved for Mrs. Tran to come closer, and guided her hand to where I was petting her. After a moment's hesitation, Mrs. Tran went along with it.

"So I'm guessing things went well with Crowley?" She asked, switching from looking at me to watching Karma.

"Sort of. It…" I shook my head. "It's a long story."

"Well, you're back now." She said. "And we have plenty of time for long stories. Do you want to talk about it?"

I nodded. "Let me get those bags for you." I offered.

"The neighbors might stare if they see a bunch of floating grocery bags." She pointed out.

"I was going to actually walk outside." I said, smiling a little. "Karma should behave around you fine, now. Just don't take your glasses off."

"What happens if I take my glasses off?"

"I… Eh…" I rubbed the back of my neck for a second. "I might've run all your glasses through holy fire. Only way to see hellhounds. So if you take them off…"

"Karma disappears." She finished. "You enchanted my glasses?"

"In case of an emergency!" I called, sprinting out the door. Once the rest of the grocery bags were inside, I set it so that they would put themselves away.

"You're really good at all of that, aren't you?" Mrs. Tran asked, taking a seat at the table. Karma had taken a liking to her, and was currently running about her feet. "What does she eat?"

"Preferably raw meat, but cooked works." I answered, sitting across from her. "And good at what?"

"The magic." Mrs. Tran pointed towards the kitchen. "The supernatural stuff. The hunting."

"I don't do that anymore." I stated. She stared pointedly from me to the kitchen. "I don't do all of that anymore."

"You did with Crowley."

"That was a favor."

"You got a hellhound out of it." I decided not to mention having homework done as well. "And something happened." She was intuitive. She knew.

"Lucifer is out." I explained. "And looking for a vessel. He's got something bad planned."

"How do you know?"

"It's Lucifer." I stated. "And Chuck just left again. I really don't think he'll be all hunky-dory with the world now that his absent father has once more abandoned him to run off with his aunt, who was torturing him for quite a long while."

"Fair enough." She conceded, standing up. Karma stood as well, sniffing at Mrs. Tran's legs one more time before walking to my side. "So what happened?"

I told her about the summoning, about how we'd failed to put him back in the cage. I told her about how we started tracking down the leads on what had last happened to the rock star.

I stopped before I could tell her about Castiel. She knew there was more, anyways.

"Kylie," she put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "What else aren't you telling me?"

"I…" I took a deep breath. "I saw Castiel."

"Oh."

Yeah. Oh.

"Crowley went with him, they're both looking for Rowena." I explained. "And on one hand, I wanted to go with them, but on the other hand…"

"You couldn't." She filled in. I nodded.

"I have a life here, and a good one." I stated. "I have a chance at a future, a normal one. A college degree. A job. A house. A good, normal life."

"Honey," Mrs. Tran said softly, covering my hands with hers. "There's a hellhound puppy you named Karma currently sitting under the table, and the groceries put themselves away." I looked over at her, seeing not cutting remarks but instead kindness. "I think we're long past normal at this point."

"What do you think I should do?" I asked. She shrugged.

"What do you want to do?" It was my turn to shrug, this time. "Well, how about this," she offered. "You've done college, and done pretty well so far. You've gone back to hunting, and I'm quite certain enjoyed that. At this point, you're torn between the two, and you've kind of got one foot on either side of the line, right?" I nodded. "Well, how's this. Do both, then."

I wasn't following, and told her as much.

"Do college, and keep hunting. Keep doing what makes you happy." She explained. "And once you hit the point where you're ready to make a choice, you'll know what choice to make, because you've been doing both."

"But we've sunk so much cash in college already," I started, but she cut me off.

"It's community college, Kylie!" She reminded me. "It's not like we're breaking the bank with one of those big private colleges. And they gave you a scholarship that covers the majority of tuition already. It's not going to be that big of a loss." She gave me a small smile. "And in all honesty, it's money we'd be continually wasting if it's not what you want most."

"But I don't know what I want."

"I think you do." She stated, nodding a little. "You just don't know how to tell yourself yet."

She got up, leaving me to think on that


	11. Stuck Between A Magic Rock And Hunting

I went back to classes. Nobody knew I had been gone, much less that the duplicate of me was fake. She'd only been asked a question once, and just scribbled on a piece of paper that she lost her voice.

Like I said, all my smarts, just not the real me.

In all honesty, I wasn't certain whether I was happy or not that nobody had noticed, much less that I had been so successful in my magic. It was just more proof that I wasn't normal, that I couldn't be normal.

But I still attended classes. I still went home to Mrs. Tran and studied and wrote my essays and did flashcards, but things were different, now. Mrs. Tran still helped, but I didn't accept it as much anymore. I was just… I was withdrawing, and I knew it. Hell, Mrs. Tran knew it.

But she left me alone on this one. She let me figure out what my course of action was going to be. She was a smart mom. Kevin had been a lucky guy.

So I visited the library, and started doing independent research. They didn't have a lot of info on hunting and dead languages, but they had a few books, and that would have to do.

So I sat and read in my free time, studied back up on everything I might've forgotten or didn't know. _The History of Witches and Witchcraft_ was an interesting one. It didn't mention Rowena by name, but I was pretty certain it was referencing her, along with a different witch that was the origins of the Hansel and Gretel story, the reasoning behind the Salem witch trials, and how witchcraft and Wiccans exist in society today.

"Am I Wiccan?" I asked myself, smirking a little as I looked around. Nobody was nearby, so I held up a hand and let a little fire pentagram rise up from my fingers. "Nah." I decided, clenching my fist with a smile.

My smile faded when I realized that I wasn't certain whether I even wanted to be a witch or not. I loved magic, I had gotten so used to it that it felt like an extension of my own person. I could extend a hand, and it just flowed from my fingers so comfortably that I couldn't imagine life without it now.

I wished I knew what to do.

"What am I?" I muttered, waving a hand. The book floated halfway back to its spot on the shelf before I realized what I was doing, and it slammed to the ground. "I can't ask these questions if I just keep using like some sort of addict!" I exclaimed quietly to myself, getting up to grab the book by hand. "But if I stop…" I looked down at my arms, and remembered the deep scratches that used to decorate them. "If I stop it'll destroy me."

I walked out of the library with more questions than answers, and went back to my studies. They were boring now, though. Listening to Psychology was boring. Going to 18th Century Literature was boring. Algebra was too easy, and I finished the entire book in a short amount of time. I didn't bother with erasing the extra calculations for Chemistry anymore, I just worked it all out on a different piece of paper and then wrote down the pertinent bits on the actual worksheet.

 _"You're a witch."_ Different conversations with Crowley rang out in the back of my mind. _"And a damn good one."_

 _"This is exactly why I'm going to college." I muttered._

 _"Community college, which is boring and beneath you and something that you jumped to leave without much persuasion."_

 _"And you aren't happy in that normal life either." Crowley said softly. "That's why you agreed so easily. You missed this just as much."_

And those last words, the biting ones that made me wish I could go back, but at the same time reminded me of the fear I had at the idea.

 _"You miss Cas."_

"You're damn right." I muttered to myself, waving the book back to its spot on the top shelf. I thought about calling. If I did, would he even want me to be there? Would he want me to leave? "He's probably moved on by now." I decided, walking outside. I mean, it had been a few months. He was an angel. Time passes by so quickly for him, the time I spent with him was probably already a blip in his memories.

Karma joined me outside, keening a little bit at my unhappy mood. She had actually become quite in tune with my emotions and responses. I wondered if it was a hellhound thing, or if it was just a dog thing. I wanted to call Crowley and ask him, but at the same time… I wasn't certain about doing that as well. He was with Castiel, and they were hunting Lucifer together. It would be like trying to call Castiel, for me.

I gave Karma a small smile, scratching her behind the ear. She smiled at that, jumping around happy. I needed to get her another tetherball. She demolished anything smaller.

I felt my phone buzz, and I reached in to my pocket to grab it. "Speak of the devil." I muttered, seeing the face on it. Crowley had put his contact info in to my phone, including an idiotic contact photo. Castiel had actually told me about this one a long time ago. He apparently had it hanging up in Hell too.

I answered it, taking a seat on a nearby bench. "Now you're calling?" I asked. "What happened to just showing up on campus? Tired of me already?"

"We got Rowena." He said. "And Lucifer's vessel is currently at the bottom of the ocean, rotting away with a trapped Devil inside of it."

"Go Rowena." I muttered. "She alright?"

"She's resilient." He answered. "And determined to retire amongst the 1% of society." I made a face at that. "She's also asking questions."

I leaned forwards, resting my elbows on my knees. "What kind of questions?"

"Lucifer decided to drop your name." He said. "And she's now asking as to the status of your life."

"What did you tell her?" I asked. "Does she remember anything?"

"Not as far as I can tell," that made me feel a little relieved. "And I told her exactly what you said. Kylie Dillinger is dead. Diana Nyx is the daughter of a witch and an angel." That was what we'd agreed on.

"Does she know about Mrs. Tran?"

"No."

"Good." I let out a small sigh of relief. "Do you think she'll come looking for me?"

"She may," he conceded. "But you're not going by Diana Nyx in your collegiate studies, nor have you used that alias among your homeless contacts, so I doubt she will find success easily, if at all."

"Do you still have a security detail on us?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Are they demon?"

"I don't have many demonic friends anymore." He answered. "It's been difficult, reclaiming Hell."

"Aw, don't worry Crowley." I assured him. "You're a rascally son of a bitch that plays the long chess game. I know you've got a plan."

"I feel almost flattered." He responded, sarcasm dripping from his voice. I let out a small laugh. "How is Karma doing?"

"She's a good girl," I said, the words gaining perked ears from said hellhound as she ambled towards me. "Aren't you?" I scratched behind her ear. "Aren't you?"

"Glad to hear everything is working out so well for you." He said. I didn't answer, and for a moment my hand lapsed in its attention to Karma. "Unless things aren't working out so well?" He asked.

"Everything is fine." I finally said, forcing the words out like they had a foul taste. Crowley hummed an agreement, but neither of us quite believed my words. "It's just an adjustment thing." I said. "Nothing more. I'll be back to loving the college life in no time."

"You miss Hunting now, don't you?" He asked.

"With you?" I scoffed. "I think you're still just lonely. You were Hunting with an angel, after all." I laughed. "That's like, the textbook set-up for a bad pun."

"And I'm sure you have plenty to tell about that." I could almost hear the eye roll in his voice. "But you didn't say no, at all." I didn't dignify that with a response, which just urged Crowley to continue. "You know, that offer on taking out a few Lucifer Loyalists still stands, if you're interested."

This time, I actually considered the offer. Mrs. Tran had said to try going for both together, after all. But demons… What if they figured it out and squealed? News does travel fast along demonic lines, after all. They're just huge gossipers.

"I'll think about it." I finally said. "Just… Let me figure out what I want to do about all of this first."

"You actually mean it." He sounded surprised. "You're actually considering it this time."

"I'm considering a lot of things." I admitted. "And now that's just another one of them."

"I'll do your homework again." He offered.

"You're desperate, aren't you?"

"I'm just trying to make the decision easier on you." I sat in silence for a few moments longer before shaking my head.

"I don't think I can right now." I answered. "I still need to sort a few things out, for me."

"Alright." He said.

"Good luck with Castiel."

"He's not with me right now." Crowley stated. "He went to go take care of some personal business."

"Does he know anything?"

"No." Crowley wanted to say something, I could feel it. "Do you ever wish you would tell him, or that he would go to you and know?"

"I…" I was done lying to myself. "Yeah. Some days I do. I miss the hell out of him. I miss the family I had with them."

"That family dynamic included you wanting to kill me." Crowley reminded me.

"Eh. People change?" I offered. "Call it character development. You aren't trying to kill me anymore, either."

"Fair point." He conceded. "So why don't you tell him, on those days?"

"You remember the reactions." I said. "Sam and Dean… They hated me. If Castiel had chosen me, it would've driven them apart. If not… It would've broken something inside of me that I couldn't fix. Best to leave the whole situation entirely, remove myself from the equation."

"You sound like a Winchester."

"If I was a Winchester, I would've chosen to stay with Castiel and damned the consequences." I argued. "Taking myself out of it, it leaves him free to live the life he wants."

"And if he wants back a life with you?" That question stung.

"He wouldn't. Not now." I said. "Not after he learns I'm still alive, and that I lied to him and made him forget. No matter what choice I make, it's not going to end well."

That hung over the phone like a heavy weight that neither of us were quite willing to try and break just yet, for fear of what may lie behind it. Finally though, Crowley spoke. "Best of luck in college, Kylie." He said. "Call me if you decide to bust some demons."

"I will." I promised. The line went dead, and I stood. Karma wagged her tail beside me, wanting attention and excitement. I pocketed my phone, smiling at her. "Wanna go for a run, girl?" I asked. She liked running, and I didn't mind doing that to get back to Mrs. Tran's.

So we both sprinted towards home, hellhound and witch, side by side. I used my power to go a little faster, matching pace with Karma and staying just the littlest bit ahead of her as we took back alleys to avoid people.

I couldn't help but think that I was running to avoid my problems – my fears – as well.


	12. Kylie's Grave (3rd POV)

"Kylie," Castiel stood in front of the makeshift grave for her. They'd made it when Lucifer was in control, but the angel couldn't take it down. He needed something to mark that she was dead. He had no body, no idea as to where she had been. All he had was a newspaper article Lucifer had read, saying that an American girl was found dead in the Arctic Circle. She hadn't been dressed for the weather at all, and investigators were baffled as to how she got there. The ID in her pocket was hers.

She died of hypothermia.

The body itself was so frostbitten they wouldn't have recognized her without the ID. There was no way of getting a hold of the body, and so all Castiel had was an empty grave; a placeholder for the death of the woman he loved.

"It's been almost a year since you died." He started. People said it was therapeudic to talk to the deceased person as though they were alive, but Castiel couldn't do that. He couldn't pretend. He missed her too much. "I don't sleep, not usually, but sometimes I try to. When I do, I dream about you. A lot of it is nightmares," he shuddered for a moment at the memories of what his subconscious would conjure to torture him. "But every once in a while I get a good dream, a dream where you're still alive and we did get married and I…" He took a deep breath. "And I didn't cause your death. Those days… Those are the days that I wake up with you on my mind, I turn over to look for you somewhere, because it's still so familiar to have you here." He shook his head.

"And it feels like the world has come to crash around me, like my whole world has come crashing around me, because all it takes is a second to remember that you're not alive, that you're dead, and that it's still my fault." He admitted. "That's when I realize I won't see your face in the room, or beside me on the bed sleeping, or walking in a second later with hot tea and a smile. I won't have you by my side as we talk or hunt or research or sleep or live our lives together. And that realization… That crash as it all washes over me within that split second of remembering you're not there…" He was fighting back tears, now. Angels didn't cry, not usually, but Castiel wasn't 100% angel. Not on the inside.

Not since he'd met her.

"It breaks my heart, Kylie." He told the headstone. "I would give anything to have you here with me – my grace, my angelic status, my life, anything and everything that could be considered tradeable for you, I would give. I would trade my peace for your kiss. I would trade my fate for your destiny. I would trade my bed to sleep with your arms around me again, just like we used to."

The dam broke for the angel, in small cracks that tears could slip through. It wasn't loud, broken-hearted sobbing that you could hear for miles. It wasn't cries of anguish, cries of why and unfairness and loathing for the world. No, it wasn't any of that, because Castiel knew that Kylie wouldn't want that. She always put so much faith in him, believed in him and his rationality. He wouldn't defile that for her now.

So he cried quiet tears; ones that just fall because gravity pulls them, ones that seep through and can't be stopped, ones that hold more sorrow than anything else in the world, and maybe it's not just gravity pulling them down after all, because the weight of that sorrow is enough to cripple any being and bring them to the ground.

"I'm hunting with Crowley now." He said, changing the subject. "I know you hate him, and I'm sorry, but he helped. We all mourned you. And now I'm working with the demon to find Lucifer. I know that revenge is not always the best course of action, but it's all I can think to do. You're not here, and I don't know how else to deal with that than to find my brother, and to put him back where he belongs in the cage. He's supposed to be at the bottom of the ocean right now, with his vessel decaying," Castiel took a moment to think. "And I wish he wasn't. I wish I could have done this, done something to avenge you myself instead of learning his fate from a witch that made me attack you. I have done so much bad to you, Kylie," he took a shaky breath. "I do not understand, some days, how you stayed with me and put up with all of it, but you did. You stayed by me, and made me a better person. And now…"

"I don't know what else to do." He finally said. "Beyond dealing with Lucifer, I have no idea as to what I should do. The only thinh I can think of is to go back to my original mandate – to protect the Winchesters. But I feel…" He took a minute to search for the right words. "I feel as though that is not the correct path, not fully. It is a good thing to do, yes, but it may not be what I need to do." Castiel shrugged. He wasn't certain if he'd said it right, but at the same time he could find no better way to say it.

"You once told me that there was a spark inside of people, what made them human." He continued. "One that drives them to do things, because they can or they want to or they're determined to.

 _"Why do humans feel the need to do these things?" He had asked. They were going to see the second-largest ball of twine, an idea that Kylie had seemed to come up with out of the blue. "Climb mountains, set records, spin the second-largest ball of twine… I thought it was simply human adventure, human spirit, but I feel there is something I am missing."_

 _"What do you want to do most in the world?" She'd asked in response. Castiel knew what he wanted to answer, he knew what he wanted to say off the top of his head. "Make you happy." He wanted to say that, the impulse to utter the words a strong one that was soon covered over with doubt that she wouldn't appreciate the words._

 _"I do not know." He lied. "Pass as human, I believe that would be an adequate answer." There we go, that's technically true. He did think that passing as a human would have been an acceptable answer without saying something impulsive._

 _Kylie continued on with her explanation. "What if I told you that you couldn't do it?" she asked. "That it was impossible, something that couldn't be done. I mean, come on! An ANGEL, wingless and graceless, trying to make it as one of us common people? It can't be done."_

 _"Why can't it?" He asked, starting to bristle. Why couldn't he be a person, like her? Was he not good enough? Was there something missing? He was trying to do his best, and trying to be the kind of person that she would enjoy being around. But if she didn't think her could do it…_

 _Kylie laughed, confusing Castiel for a moment._

 _"Cool it, Cas. I was making my point." She explained. "That feeling you felt, that defiance and determination in here," She poked the center of his chest for emphasis, and he stared down at the spot. She hadn't really ever done that before. It made Castiel just a little happier, for some reason. "That's what spurs people on to do things like that. Humans don't like being told we can't do anything, so we go out and do it. It's what spurs on our adventurous spirit."_

 _"So, your kind does things because they detest being told they cannot?" Castiel summarized. The idea made very little sense, but at the same time he could kind of understand it._

 _"Almost right." She told him. "You're one of us, now that you've felt it."_

I understood her better when we talked about my plan, about the apartment and living a life with her – a plan he hadn't gotten a chance to fully be grateful for when it was achieved.

"When you were alive, you were that spark for me. You were what made me feel determined, even in the face of being told I couldn't. The other angels said our relationship couldn't exist, and it just made me want to hold on to it tighter, and to protect you better. You thought I wouldn't go through with the plan, and that was why you threw it away, but that just made me more determined to prove to you I could be a good human, a human worth being around. No matter what, I wanted to be around you, even when we chose to distance ourselves. And now that I've just been told that I can't do anything against Lucifer, I can't do anything to avenge you…" Castiel wished he could do something.

"I wish you were here." Was all he said. He didn't beg for the chance at revenge again, nor her forgiveness. "I'm not certain what else to do without you."

He hadn't visited her in Heaven. He wasn't even certain if the other angels would let him up there, but even if they would he would have to go there first. But he hadn't, for the same reasons he hadn't visited her in the hospital at first.

He was afraid of what he would see, and what she would say.

Cas stood there for a little while longer before leaving. He wasn't certain what else he could say to her, in all honesty.

He just missed her.


	13. Getting Back On The Saddle

After the call with Crowley, I was determined to figure out who I was, determined to withdraw less and be a part of the world again. I put myself back together, bit by bit. I hadn't realized how much of it was scattered and disarrayed until I actually sat down and looked at the mess I was inside.

Getting wheels helped. I didn't actually have a car, I tended to just, well… Show up wherever I wanted to be, or run with Karma. Getting an actual ride would help me blend in, as well as give me something to focus on. So I went to a junkyard, and got what probably indicates that I'm going through a mid-life crisis in my 20's.

I got a motorcycle.

Used. Cheap. Barely functioning. The body was surprisingly well intact, though. I just needed to fix her up.

It wasn't much different than fixing up the Impala, on the days that I would help Dean with maintenance (I kind of forced him to teach me by bugging him enough until he finally conceded). Different pieces and sizes, yeah, but the basic premise was the same. After a few weeks I had a decent ride, a forged motorcycle license, and a helmet (per Mrs. Tran's request). There wasn't space for Karma to ride in it, but she didn't really need to. I still wasn't certain as to the physics of how she travelled, but if I ever just teleported somewhere, Karma would come. If she wasn't there and I wanted her to be there, I just said her name and she showed up, usually right by my feet.

She was a good dog.

Once I had everything fixed up, I went out on a case. I had my laptop still, and set it to run a few programs in the background when it could. Possible Lucifer sightings in case he showed back up. Info on the Winchesters, what they were up to and how things were going. Different possible cases, sorting them in to different files based on the creature probability and the likeliness of it actually being a case.

I had all of that set up, and didn't chase down that ghost case a few hours away until Mrs. Tran practically shoved me out the door.

"Either go to the gym and stay in practice," she said. "Or go do a case. You're finishing your homework faster than normal, and spending half the day afterwards on that damn computer of yours just reading and looking. You need to go out and actually do things, Kylie!" She shook her head, handing me a brown sack. There was food. "You can't be afraid of running in to the Winchesters forever."

So I went out. I accepted the food graciously, and went to take the case. I knew a few different ways to get rid of ghosts, now, without having to run the whole salt-and-burn routine.

One hex bag and a few words later, what could've very easily been a pissy poltergeist turned in to a new soul for the Veil. It was pretty empty now, after all. Time to re-fill.

I hit up a nearby café afterwards. I'd already torn through the food from Mrs. Tran on the way here. Karma was beside me as I sat down in a seat at the bar. I didn't summon her. I think she kind of just wanted to see if I could sneak her any food.

A waitress came by shortly to ask what I wanted. "Hot tea and…" I thought for a moment. "What's today's special?"

"The lunch special is a club sandwich," she answered. "With fries and a bit of coleslaw, dear."

"I think I might pass on that." I said, thinking for a minute. "Any chance I can get a cheeseburger and a regular hamburger, plain and dry?" I thought for one more second. "With fries?"

"No problem, sweetie." She jotted down my order and disappeared to call it out.

"You'll have to tell me if the burgers are any good." A new voice said from beside me. I turned my head to see a blonde woman, with short hair and a green jacket.

"No problem!" I agreed.

"Who's the second burger for?" I took a glance down at Karma.

"Just my dog back at home." I answered off-handedly. "I know it's bad, but she's been a good girl." Karma, upon hearing this, circled the stool for a minute before resuming her post at my side.

"What breed?"

"I'm honestly not quite certain." True enough. I didn't know if hellhounds came in different breeds or not. "She's only a puppy, but she's pretty huge."

"I honestly don't know dog breeds that well, so I probably wouldn't know even if you told me." The woman let out a small laugh. "My husband always wanted one, though. A family dog, you know?"

"What made you decide against it?" I asked. I could see her flinch, and I realized I made a mistake.

"He…" She took a shaky breath. "He died."

"I'm sorry for your loss." I said solemnly. She shook her head.

"It happened a long time ago." She said. I looked at her for a second, curious.

"I'm sorry to ask," I prefaced. "But… You look a little young to have been married a long time."

"It's a long story." Was all the woman replied. I nodded. I understood that.

"I'm sorry for prying, then."

"No, it's alright." She told me. "I'm kind of just… Trying to come to terms with everything, you know?" She let out a small smile. "My name is Mary, by the way."

"Diana." I said, the lie coming easily. Realizing that afterwards, I corrected myself. "But my friends call my Kylie."

"It's nice to meet you, Diana." She offered a hand, and I shook it confidently.

Then she pulled out a book, turning her full attention to it. Wait, scratch that. It wasn't a book. It was more like a huge journal, obviously handwritten.

The thing is, though, I recognized it. I've been around Dean and Sam enough to recognize their father's journal, and knew that they wouldn't let it out of the hands of family.

Her name was Mary...

This was Mary Winchester, Sam and Dean's mom.

"Um… Ma'am…" I wasn't certain what else to say, but I had to say something. "I know you're probably going through a lot right now, but don't let this push away the people close to you." She regarded me evenly, letting my say my piece. "You probably have people who are waiting for you back at home, who are worried about you and want to make sure you're ok." I shook my head, turning to the waitress as she returned to set my food and glass down in front of me. "I'm sorry for prying or intruding, but I recognize the look on your face, and I really hope that things get better for you."

"Thank you." She returned to the journal, and I focused my attention on the food in front of me.

"Who did you hurt?" She asked after a little bit. I looked over, confused. "You said it's a look you recognize and understand, which means that you've probably done something similar to what I'm doing right now. So who did you hurt?"

"I…" I thought for a moment. Did she know about me? Had she been told anything about me? "My family died when I was young, and I kind of bounced around for a while until I found a new group of people that I could kind of consider family. Those are the people I had to leave."

"You should go back and visit them." She said. "I bet that they would like to see you again."

"You should do the same." I replied with a small smile. She nodded.

"I will." She promised. "I'm actually on my way to a funeral right now. One last lose end to take care of before I do."

"Ah. Who for?"

"Asa Fox."

I recognized that name. Big hunter in Canada, I think? Definitely a hunter in general, though, and a well-known one.

"I'm sorry for your losses, then." I said. "It sounds like you've got a bit of a difficult road ahead."

"I'm trying to figure it out." She said. "It just takes time, I guess."

"Yeah." I nodded. "The burger is good, by the way."

"I hope your dog likes it."

"I bet she will." I saw Karma wag her tail a little bit at that.


	14. Vince Vicente

I got a call two weeks later from Tommy. The news made my stomach drop.

"Hey, look, Vince is back." He lead with. "I know it's probably a weird thing to ask, considering how we only really met and talked once, but I really did enjoy talking to you. Would you like tickets for our upcoming concert?"

I agreed, keeping my voice light and happy, and once I was done talking to Tommy I called Crowley.

"Hey, I thought you said Lucifer was at the bottom of the ocean." I left no room for pleasantries. This was serious. If Lucifer was back, I was in danger. Mrs. Tran was in danger. Castiel was in danger. We were all in danger.

"I do believe that was the information I was given." He answered, his voice tense. "However, the fact that you start off a conversation with me asking about the Devil is quite concerning."

"I just got off the phone with Tommy," I answered. "Saying that Vince was back."

"Back where?"

"Hollywood. They just got signed for a new album or something." I shook my head. "Look, this is bad news. I told Tommy I'd go so I can keep an eye on things," I wanted to continue, but Crowley interrupted.

"You WHAT?!" He shouted, any attempt at a calm pretense gone.

"I said I'd be there." I repeated. "I'm going to LA."

"No, you are not." He tried to tell me. "Lucifer can recognize you now, disguised or not. It's too dangerous."

"But it wasn't too dangerous for me to find and summon him?" I challenged. "Or to help you try and track him down?"

"You do realize Sam and Dean will be there eventually." Crowley tried, changing tactics. "And that myself and feathers will also be chasing this down."

"Just…" I took a deep breath. "I'll keep tabs until you all show up, then I'll bail. How's that sound for a compromise?"

"Absolutely not."

"Ah, well then, I guess we're at an impasse." I did my best to imitate his own tone. "Which means that I'll see you in LA." I took a page from his playbook, and hung up before he had a chance to argue further. Then I called for Mrs. Tran, and explained a rough summary of what was going on. "I'm already out for break." I told her after the major explanation was over. And indeed, it was true. I'd already taken all of my finals. "So classes are fine. But I've got to do this."

She didn't argue, just helped me pack when I got to the house. "Come back safely, alright?" She requested. I nodded, both of us ignoring the fact that this was a promise I may not be able to keep. But why dwell on that?

I considered just appearing there, for a moment, but changed my mind as I packed. It would be a nice (re: long) three day ride to get there, but I could get there. Plus, Tommy would probably find it weird if I showed up within a few minutes of him calling. I wanted the time to formulate a plan, and to appear as inconspicuous as possible. I rode out towards LA a few hours later, a backpack filled with clothes on my back and weapons stashed under the seat. My angel blades were strapped to either side of my ribs, carefully concealed by the fabric of my shirt and leather jacket.

It was definitely a long three days of riding, but it was surprisingly a relaxing one too. I was definitely more than likely going to run in with everyone else, but for the moment, I was alone with a dog. I crashed out like a homeless person, wherever I could, and left again early in the AM to get back on the road. I called Mrs. Tran each day to let her know where I was and that I was OK.

When I finally rolled in to town, I had an address from Tommy as to where to meet him. He apparently still felt awkward being alone around Vince, even though he was excited to do more music with him. I was just going to be a groupie, more or less. Just a spectator enjoying the ride.

I could do that. I really hoped I could do that.

So I met Tommy at the hotel address I'd been given, telling the valet exactly what I was told to say. "Diana Winters, one motorcycle."

"Of course, ma'am." They didn't even bat an eye at my choice of ride, much less that I didn't look like I should be at this hotel. I looked more like a wannabe grunge groupie which, I guess, works well enough for what I'm doing.

Great.

"Diana!" Tommy met me in the lobby, seeming just a little on edge. "We were about to head down to the studio and record. You wanna come?" Before I could answer, though, someone else spoke up.

"Tommy, dear boy," Lucifer walked up behind him, a giggling woman maybe a few years older than me dangling off one arm. He looked me up and down, unable to disguise the look of surprise and anger at my appearance for just a moment. "Who's this?"

"Well, since you got yourself a girl," he said. "I figured it would be fun to have one around for me, too."

"Fine enough." Lucifer nodded. "Personally, I think you could've done better."

And he walked right past me. No smiting. No killing. No Arctic circle again. I turned back around to the other rock star. "If you think I'm here to be your girl or something you're very sorely mistaken." I said calmly. Karma showed up beside me, suddenly, her hackles raised. I could see her just out of the corner of my eye, switching her sight from Tommy to Lucifer. Tommy raised his hands, shaking his head at the same time.

"No, it's not that, it's…" He shrugged. "I'm going to sound crazy if I call that Agent Beyoncé guy and tell him I feel uncomfortable around my partner, and I probably sound crazy to you too, but I figured it'd be a good shot trying to explain it with a normal person here to help in case of anything versus a cop. Plus," he raised an eyebrow. "Agent 'Beyoncé?' Really?"

"Fair enough." I agreed, watching Karma switch solely to Lucifer. "So I'm just here to be a witness, correct?"

"Absolutely."

"I can do that."

So I went with them to the recording studio, learned that the Lucifer groupie was named Roseleen (who was more than a little obsessive about the group), and watched as Lucifer blatantly walked out on everyone within the first twenty minutes of being AT the studio.

"Vince, so," Tommy sounded a little unsure as he spoke. "We actually gonna record or what?"

"Hmm." Lucifer pretended to ponder it for a minute, pulling Roseleen closer. "Not really feelin' it."

"Come on, man. The band's back together. We've got an actual recording budget!" Tommy pleaded. "Dude," he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Let's make some music."

"Music." Lucifer scoffed. "What are the fans saying about me right now?" Their manager took a second to read something or other on her phone before answering.

"They're tweeting about your drinks with Pam Anderson last night, speculating if you two are rekindling." She said. "And they're debating whether Vince Vincente is bae, nay, or daddy." Ew. Definitely ew.

"What the hell does that even mean?" Tommy asked.

"It means it's not about the music. It never really was." Lucifer answered. "You know, rock's not the reason. It's just an excuse... To worship, to adore. See, humans have always been desperate to put someone or something above them." He took a moment to glare at me. "And let's face it, God ain't cuttin' it these days. It takes a Kim Kardashian, a whatever Justin Bieber is." I fought back a snicker. He actually remembered what Crowley said. "A me. They're enjoying the ride. So should you. After all," this time he didn't bother with a lot of pretense as he stared me down. "Bad things tend to happen to those who stand in the way of a good plan."

Tommy left the room, dismayed about what Vince had said. I went to go after him, but I felt a grip like cold steel on my forearm. "Let's chat for a moment." Lucifer ordered, his voice taught as their manager moved past me to speak with the other man. "Roseleen, give me and Tommy's friend Diana here a minute." She complied, glaring daggers at me the whole time.

I was stuck in a recording studio, alone, with the Devil.

"Let go of me." I hissed, turning to face him. The proximity made my skin crawl, but I refused the urge to shudder. Karma growled at him, the sound reverberating throughout the studio, but he just smirked.

"Why? Not like you can do anything about it." I held up a hand, focusing on pushing him back.

Nada.

Zilch.

Zippo.

No effect whatsoever on the Devil, and damn he knew. He smiled, licking his lips. "Yeah, I've got just a little more juice now than before." He said. "Plus, I'm not my weak little brother. Heard he was still in mourning by the way. And strangely enough, Rowena didn't seem to remember you either. Now, tell me…" He pulled me closer, bruising my arm. "What am I missing out on that everyone else doesn't seem to remember?"

"Fuck off." I spat. I felt his hand heat up, and my arm started to burn like a cremation furnace. Karma couldn't hold back anymore, she jumped, but Lucifer just threw her aside. I watched as she slammed in to studio equipment, completely destroying the entire set-up with a pained yelp.

"You've got a bad dog." He commented dryly. I aimed a punch at him, but he caught my hand with a grip like iron. "And apparently, my little brother's girl is a bad bitch too, isn't she?" I kept my eyes steady, refusing to answer or give any ground, but somehow Lucifer caught on. "Unless… Unless you broke up with little brother, and made him forget. You made them all forget before taking Amara out." He said, the realization dawning on him. "All of them except Crowley, anyways. Now don't tell me you dumped my brother for that squatter."

I fought back the urge to puke for a moment.

"God you're sick." I retorted. Lucifer just clucked his tongue, letting go of my arm and hand. I took a few steps back, and rubbed them for a second. Definitely burnt and bruised. I healed myself easily, running over to Karma. She was alive, thankfully, but not in fighting condition. "Warn Crowley," I whispered, passing a hand over her. She disappeared, evaporating in to black smoke. I would've prayed it worked if I had anyone to pray to.

"So why make little brother forget?" Lucifer continued, now standing directly behind me. I stood, turning to face him quickly as I backed up the only two steps I could. "Why oh why, unless things weren't so good in paradise after all." He thought. "But he's too dopey mopey to have a problem with what I must say is a huge improvement to the normal human I blasted out to Russia. That leaves the Winchesters." He smiled. "Oh, this is too good. Your only family left in the world, and they were out for your blood when they found out, weren't they?"

"Shut up."

"Make me." He smirked again. "Oh, that's right. You can't."

"Your vessel is weak." I reminded him. "It's going to start decaying, and fast. I can feel it." In truth, I could. He'd powered up with something or other, but it was going to fade, and fade fast. I laughed at him. "You're still screwed! So why hang around in the body of a deadbeat rocker, doing jack shit but letting the groupie be a groupie?"

"You weren't listening, were you?" He asked. "I'm their rock god. They will do anything for me."

"So you're, what?" I asked. "Projecting your daddy issues out on to the masses? Trying to replace the love you want from him with the fake adoration of everyone else?" Lucifer cocked his head to the side, and I was thrown in to the wall behind me.

"I'm doing whatever I want, now." He said. "Dad's gone again, and I'm done with that damn cage. So feel free to stick around for the show, see what's going on." He reached in to his pocket, and pulled out a little hex bag. Something was wrong about this one, though. Something bad. "I haven't made one of these in a long time." He commented, tossing it towards me.

It felt like… I didn't even know how to explain it. It was worse than the burning on my arm, like my insides were being liquidated, boiled, seared, and put back together. Like I was being stabbed a thousand times with red-hot iron rods, or perhaps freezing ice picks.

I felt nothing but pain and nausea, and I doubled over as I finally fell off the wall Lucifer had held me on. "That's a witch bag." He explained. I vomited in front of me, and was unsurprised when I saw blood. "It won't kill you, no, but it will make you wish it had."

I spat out the last dregs of blood and sick in my mouth. "You think that's going to stop me?" I asked, looking up at him.

That's when I felt it.

The cold clasp of metal around my neck, with a leather leash leading up in to Lucifer's hands.

"Stand up." He ordered. I didn't want to, I fought to not, but I couldn't. I stood up slowly, shakily. "Wait, pick back up the witch bag, too, and place it in your jacket pocket."

The second I touched it, I wanted to scream. I kept it muffled as I put the thing in my pocket. I wanted to black out, faint, be out and done.

But I couldn't, because of the new necklace I wore.

"In case you're wondering," Lucifer said. "I grabbed this while I was still looking like your boyfriend. I figured it would come in handy, and it most certainly has."

"I hope they kill you." I hissed. "You know they're coming. I hope they destroy you."

"And that's enough out of you." He said. "I want you to remove your little magical Diana disguise, first off." I complied. I had to. I had no choice. "Secondly, I want you to stop speaking. You're only to speak when ordered to, and if possible only answer with nods or head shakes, capiche?"

I nodded, and flipped him off. He did the same to me, and I felt my middle finger snap.

"Finally, you're going to call Tommy and say you had to leave." I nodded, reaching for my phone with my unhurt hand. I did as Lucifer asked, hanging up before answering any questions he had for me. "Good. Melt your phone."

I held it up, and watched as the molten metal ran down my hands to the floor. I could smell my own skin charring as I did so, but the pain from it wasn't nearly as bad as that caused by the witch bag.

"Excellent. Now turn yourself and the necklace invisible." He ordered, stuffing his hands in to his pocket. I did, and he pulled me along outside the door.

"Hey, Vince, did Diana say anything weird to you?" Tommy asked once we met up with him.

"No, not really. Why?"

"She just called me and said she had to leave, then hung up."

"Maybe she just didn't want to hang around you anymore." Lucifer offered, clapping his shoulder once. "Anyways, Roseleen?" The giggling groupie attached herself to his shoulder once more. "We best be going."

That night I watched as Roseleen cut herself for him, almost killed herself for him. And he just laughed.


	15. I Hope Rowena Didn't Deal With This Hell

I had to follow. He kept a hand in his pocket, holding the invisible leash to the invisible witchcatcher attached to invisible me. When I heard about the show they were doing, I felt absolute dread.

"You're going to watch." Lucifer instructed. "And if Sam or Dean or Crowley or Castiel come to stop the party, you're going whatever I say to stop them. You're going to lose the invisibility and attack, like a good new doggie, aren't you?"

I could only nod. I had no other choice, and it killed me inside. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't call Karma, I couldn't call Crowley, I couldn't pray for Castiel, I couldn't do anything except whatever he told me to do.

I couldn't stop him when he killed the promotor guy, the one in charge of the Ladyheart contract. I could only watch and follow, my entire body alight in constant pain from the witchbag.

The only thing I could do was hope that I was wrong, that nobody would come to stop him.

I was afraid of what I'd be made to do otherwise.

It didn't matter what I hoped, though. I still saw Tommy send a text to who I can only assume was Castiel, and I knew that they would be coming.

Not soon enough, though.

When Vince entered the backstage room, Tommy and the other two bandmates were talking. Lucifer snapped his fingers, and snapped the other two's necks. "How you feelin' about the show, Tommy?" He asked next.

Tommy didn't answer. He just stared from Vince to the dead bandmates.

"Yeah. Me, too." Lucifer agreed, picking up a guitar as he lowered his voice to a whisper. "The nerves." He strummed a few off-key chords, and I flinched alongside Tommy. "Whoops! Guess I should've practiced before tonight." He set back down the guitar. "Or, you know, ever."

"Who are you?" Tommy asked.

"Who I was…" Lucifer let out a small sigh. "Well, that doesn't matter. Who I am? Well, I'm Vince Vincente, rock god." He spread his arms wide for a moment. "And after careful deliberation, I've decided to cut the dead weight." He leaned in close to Tommy, once again whispering. "I'm going solo."

He raised his left hand, about to snap his fingers again when Castiel stopped him. Lucifer let out a small smirk, turning to face his little brother.

"Castiel." He commented, turning to me. "Deal with him."

My hands moved of their own accord, pushing Castiel in to the wall behind him with ease. He let out a grunt of pain, and I felt my heart twist.

"Took you long enough." Lucifer stated, staring down his little brother. "Did you bring the rest of the Little Rascals?"

"Just me." Crowley said from behind me.

Lucifer turned to face the demon, letting out an awful imitation of a smile. "Spanky." He greeted. "I've got to admit, I did not take you for the martyr type, Crowley."

"I'm really not." He replied. "I just hate you that much." He waved his hand, dragging Lucifer to the wall. He kept a good grip on the leash, though, I was dragged by the neck with him. I lost my hold on Castiel, thankfully, and he dropped from the wall to the ground. "What are you doing, Lucifer? You mean nothing to those kids out there. You think they'd draw blood for you? By choice?"

"Well…" He shrugged. "I thought I'd at least ask. And if they won't give it up by choice, maybe I'll just have my witch take it for me."

"What witch?" Castiel asked, looking around. I don't think he noticed Crowley's eyes widen just a little as he realized I was there. "And why?"

"Because it's fun!" Lucifer exclaimed. "Because I can. And because being Lucifer? So much Judeo-Christian baggage. But Vince? He's famous. Everybody loves him." He turned to me. "Get Crowley for me, would you?"

I wished I could mutter an apology, but I couldn't. I forced Crowley on to a wall himself, and Lucifer took a moment to dust himself off with his free hand.

"And I need love." He added. "I had a really jacked childhood." Out of the corned of my eye, I could see Tommy trying to make it to the door.

Unfortunately, so did Lucifer.

He made me throw an angel blade.

Tommy was dead in an instant.

"You think this is fun?" Castiel exclaimed.

"Oh, I wouldn't expect you to understand." Lucifer explained. "I was inside you. I know what a weak, duty-bound, lovesick," something in Castiel snapped at those words, and he moved to attack again. This time, Lucifer took care of him, knocking him aside easily. "Pleasureless dullard you are." He turned to Crowley. "And you. Bad doggy. Sit!" He grabbed his guitar from the floor and smashed it over Crowley's head.

"Now, I'm going to give you both one chance to call of the Winchesters," Lucifer warned. "Or else I promise, you're not going to like the results."

That's when the fire alarm sounded, causing Lucifer to look up. "Clever girls." He muttered. "Oh well. I did make a promise." He turned to me. "Stab yourself, in the stomach, and lose the invisibility."

I reached in to my boot pocket for my last chance as Lucifer held me in check. The only weapon I carried on me that wasn't angelic was iron.

I hoped I had a shot of making it through this.

The invisibility wore off the second the blade ran through me, and I dropped to my knees. I heard Crowley scream something, scream the word no. Lucifer let go of the witchcatcher, then, pushing with his own force to keep Crowley and Castiel in check. "Stick around for the afterparty." He invited, walking out of the room.

I was free. I could speak. I could scream.

God, did I let out an awful scream. The witchbag, it was still in my jacket pocket, still pressed up against me. I reached for it, my fingers already slippery with my own blood, and hurled the damned thing as far as I could away.

I felt better after that, but not by much. Lucifer had been smart. The witchbag sapped at my energy, but when I'm forced to do things anyways… It takes a lot of a person. I was surprised I could push around Crowley and Castiel, much less that I'd been able to not pass out.

Then again, being ordered to not sleep tends to do that too.

There were hands around me, next, taking the witchcatcher off of me. "You need to heal yourself." Crowley hissed. "Right now."

"I can't." I whispered. "I can't do anything. The witchbag… And that damned torture device…" I coughed, and coughed up more blood.

"Who is that?" Castiel asked. He wasn't close.

"Run out there and stop him, feathers!" Crowley ordered. "I've got the witch!"

"That voice…" Castiel wasn't leaving. He was still there. If my head wasn't bent, he would know it was me.

"GO!" Crowley shouted. Castiel hesitated maybe a moment longer before running out to Lucifer.

"You too." I told the demon. "I'd dead, and it's about time, too. Just let me die in peace."

"If I do that, they'll kill me." Crowley reminded. "For fourth reasons, the first being aware that you were never dead, the second being not telling the boys, the third being your dog that's currently waiting back at the Tran residence, whom Mrs. Tran will set lose on me in an instant, and the fourth would be letting you die, again, except this time for real."

"You could always lie," I coughed again, moving my hands away from the blade. "And say you didn't know."

"I wouldn't do that." Crowley answered. I looked up at him, stunned. "Bad for business, of course. I made you, and if I let you die without at least owning up to it then I get a bad rap."

"You care." I muttered.

"I made you." Was all Crowley stated. "Now hold on for a few more moments. Castiel and the boys will be back here soon, and they'll get you fixed up."

"They won't make it." I said, shaking my head.

"Quit talking like that."

"Be realistic."

"I am."

"No you're not." I remembered games of chess. I was so determined some days to take his king, that I forgot all about the other pieces. Every single time he'd tell me the same thing, to be realistic instead of blinded by determination. "You're determined."

"Shut up." He muttered.

I laid back, leaning up against the wall myself. "Can you burn that?" I asked, motioning towards where I'd thrown the witchbag. Crowley did as I asked, and that helped. "Now I might make it." I muttered, focusing for a moment. "Oh, this is gonna hurt like hell."

"What is?" I closed my eyes, taking a moment to focus on the little reserves of energy I had left. This one had to last, even if I got knocked out.

I ran a few theories in my mind before settling on the right one. "Fortitudinem per dolorem inveni," I winced, but kept going. "Et mutare hominem." I draw strength from pain, and change myself.

It hurt, it hurt like hell, but I had my disguise back up. "Damn it, Kylie." Crowley hissed at me.

"It's all I got." I said. "Unless Lucifer told them. And if he did, I'll drop it."

Crowley just let out a sigh.

I felt when Lucifer left his vessel. It was like a massive weight I didn't even feel had just suddenly been lifted out of the environment. I wasn't certain how long it was after that when I heard footsteps bounding in. "Is that the witch?" Dean asked.

"Dean," Sam's voice was cautionary, and I could almost see the arm across his brother's chest. "Is that…"

Was my disguise down? No. No, I could feel it. They just…

Had Sam wanted it to be me, for a moment?

"Move." Castiel's voice was demanding, in control of the situation. I shook my head once, out of habit. He couldn't even see it was me.

But I was still afraid, that somehow, he'd see. He'd see, and he'd be pissed, and then they'd all kill me.

"Wait, wait, why heal her if she's dangerous?" Dean asked.

"Dean," Sam interjected, but his brother cut him off.

"No, it's not Kylie, Sam." He said. "Just look at her. Kylie wouldn't go witch, anyways. She knows…" He took a second to catch his breath. "She knew better."

Castiel didn't seem to care much for their arguments. His hands were rough on my stomach, pulling out the knife with one hand and healing with the other. I let out one last cry of pain, and then it was over.

"I've got no love for the Devil." I stated, finally able to raise my head. I was sore, and the motion in itself hurt like a bitch, but I could. I grunted as I started to get up, Castiel and Crowley aiding me on either side. "I've been trying to find him myself, and you can see how that went." I motioned to the witchcatcher Crowley had cast off. "Think anybody I'm working with would put that on me?"

"Sam, Dean, Castiel," Crowley said. "Meet my informant, Diana Nyx."

Sam and Dean's faces looked confused, for just a second. Like déjà vu. Castiel's, on the other hand… As impassive as a God.

When I do my magic, I do it right, I guess.

"Pleasure to meet all of you." I said. "Thank you for not killing me, by the way. Always an upside to the day." When the boys didn't answer, I watched them cautiously. "You're still not planning on shooting me, right?" I asked.

"Depends. Where'd you get an angel blade?" Dean asked. I pointed at Cas in response.

"Where did you get an angel?" I smirked. "Outta your ass?"

"For the last time, Cas doesn't live in my ass!" He exclaimed. Sam snickered quietly.

"Nice." I brushed myself off, doing my best to fall in to a persona of "don't care." "Speaking of my blade." I held out a hand, and it flew from Tommy's back in to it. I cleaned it off on my already dirty and ruined shirt, and put it back in its sheath by my ribs. Sam and Dean stared, and I could see hands on gun holsters. "Really?" I asked them. "Just for getting my blade back?"

"You're a witch." Sam reminded me.

"And you look a bit like a hipster lumberjack." I replied, cocking my head to the side. "Maybe put the hair up in a ponytail, really complete the look."

"Is she really insulting us?" Dean asked. "We just saved your friggin' life!"

"Actually, I think the angel did that." I turned to Castiel, fighting back a gulp. He doesn't know it's you. He doesn't recognize it's you.

If I showed him now, it would be an all new shit show. Like Dean said, I apparently knew better.

Oh well.

"Nice to meet you…" I let my voice trail off, indicating a name. It had been said earlier, I know, but I had to play the part of the fool.

"Castiel." He replied. I smiled.

"Great to meet you Castiel. And behind you I'm guessing is Big Mac and Small Mac?" Sam and Dean looked more than a little pissed, and introduced themselves accordingly. "Great. Now that I know the gang and am no longer dying for your sins," I shrugged. "I'm going to go get my bike, my bag, and my dog, then continue to track down where Lucifer is now that he's jumped ship on the rocky road vessel."

"Wait, wait, wait," Dean held up his hands. "You're a witch, and a hunter?"

"Yeah." I said the word flippantly, but… I don't know. It felt pretty right to say. "College student, even, to boot. Busy schedule. Really gotta go start tracking down the big D again. It'll help clear up time to study for next semester. But, like I said," I clapped my hands together and clasped them for a second. "Really great to meet you guys, even greater that you didn't kill me."

"Why not come with myself and Crowley?" Castiel offered suddenly. I turned to look at him. "We are all trying to find and stop Lucifer." He reasoned. "Why do it separately? If you were able to get this close, then you must know something as to what you're doing."

"That's a really sweet compliment, angel," I was about to add a "but" on to that statement, but Crowley intercepted.

"But it's an excellent idea that I truly believe you should consider, Diana." He said, turning on me. Bastard.

"Uh, what?"

"You just almost got yourself killed trying to do this on your own." He explained. "Whereas myself and Castiel did not."

"You two were screwed if Lucifer ordered me to do worse than just hold you two off."

"And you were screwed no matter what, until we arrived." Crowley countered.

"I was doing just fine on my own."

"You call stabbing yourself in the stomach just fine?"

"I call it a work in progress."

"What the hell?!" Dean interjected, staring from me to Crowley. "You have friends?"

"God no." Me.

"I find that insulting." Crowley. He glared after hearing my no. "I thought we were besties."

"We're co-workers." I said. "It's a step above acquaintances. But I'm not certain I would call you a friend."

"Why Ms. Nyx, you wound me."

"Ok, Ok, hold on." Sam said. "Let's get a couple of things sorted out. First off," he pointed at me. "Witch. Good witch."

"Yeah, I'm freaking Glinda."

"That is… associated with Crowley." He continued, pointing at said demon. "That is working with Castiel." The finger moved to the angel. "Who is also working to track down the Devil with myself and Dean."

"Good job." I clapped. "You go to college for that?"

I hated saying those words the second they were out of my mouth, and hated them even more when I saw Sam's jaw set.

"Hold it, punk wannabe." Dean said. "You have no room to be an ass."

"You were just debating whether to kill me or not, while I had a knife in my damn stomach."

"And be thankful we didn't."

"You're an ass."

"So are you."

"Alright, you two." Castiel stepped between us. "Stop."

"Yeah, cool it redhead." Crowley snickered. I fought the urge to punch him.

"Look, can we just…" Sam thought for a moment. "Can we just take a minute to assess what's going on here?" He stared pointedly at me. "Without snarkiness?"

"I will if everyone else will."

"I don't believe I have been… snarky." Castiel commented.

"Fine." Dean agreed, glaring at me for a moment longer before looking at Cas. "How you feeling?"

He shrugged. "I'm not dead." He said. Not good, then. Not happy, either.

"Well, I gotta hand it to you," the Hunter complimented. "You said you were gonna draw Lucifer's fire, and you drew some serious fire."

"Oh, it was a grand success." Crowley commented dryly.

"If he's being snarky do I get to be snarky again?" I asked. All that earned me was glares. "What? Plus, it wasn't Lucifer's fire you two were catching. It was mine." I pointed to the witchcatcher in the corner. "Sorry about that, by the way."

Nobody responded. The Winchesters kept glaring, Castiel stopped looking at me, and Crowley leaned in finally to mutter that the apology had been accepted.

"Well," Dean said, returning to the original topic. "We didn't catch Lucifer, but we did save the crowd, so I'm gonna call that a win."

"I wouldn't." Sam argued. "Vince Vincente is dead."

"And Tommy. And the other two band members. And the guy in charge of their contract." I added. "And Roseleen was mutilated. I had to watch that."

"The girl made her own choice." Dean said.

"And the others?" He didn't answer for a moment.

"We never even hoped to save him." Dean finally said. I knew he was only talking about Vince Vicente, though, and not everyone else that had been the collateral. "And, yes, I know, the third album," he was trying to be flippant, shrug it off, but Sam wasn't having it.

"No, he was still a person, and he meant something to a lot of people." He reminded us. "And Lucifer just took all that and just twisted all that up and snuffed it out. Lucifer was bad enough when he had a plan, a motive." Sam shook his head. "Now, he's just having fun. I mean, Diana's right. How many people died tonight?" He asked.

I knew. I knew the exact number, and knew that I had caused one of them.

"Them, this," Sam continued. "It's all on us. We let him out. We're not winning. We're just losing slow. And you heard what he said."

"Onwards and upwards." Crowley said. I hadn't heard that. How had Crowley heard that? "He's gone big."

"And he'll go bigger." Castiel added.

"And we will stop him." Dean said, looking at everyone else in turn. I had a feeling that I wasn't included in this "we" of his. "We will. It's what we do, man."

"How?" I asked.

"We'll figure it out." Sam answered.

"Am I included in this 'we?'" I asked. I had to know.

I had to know how much they despised me for my choice.

Dean was about to answer, but Castiel beat him to it. "Yes." He said, staring pointedly at Dean and Sam. "We're going after the Devil, again. We'll need all the help we can get."

I wasn't certain whether to thank him or not.


	16. Who Am I?

I got my stuff back pretty quickly, and summoned Karma as soon as I could. "Mind if she rides in the back?" I asked Castiel. He stared from the hellhound back at me.

"You travel with a hellhound?" He asked.

"Her name is Karma."

"You travel with a hellhound named Karma?" He looked so… stupefied by the notion.

"She's a good dog." I promised. "Won't pee in the bed of the truck, I promise."

"Fine." He said. I smiled.

"Great. Thanks!" I kneeled down in front of the girl in question as he got in the truck. "You're gonna ride in the back, OK?" She keened a little, looking down. "Hey, I know you wanted to be in on the big D action," I assured the dog, scratching behind her ear. "And I promise, if I'd been able to I would've called you back in a heartbeat. I'm sorry I couldn't, but I'm not mad, OK?" I kept scratching, waiting a few minutes.

There's no way to describe what hellhound spit feels like. It's a weird viscous thing, that kind of disappears after a few moments like it's being dissolved, but dissolved downwards.

Very difficult ingredient to preserve, but not one I needed at the moment. Right then, I had a happy dog licking my face.

"Good girl!" I crooned, smiling. "Alright, hop in the back, and no biting." She complied, and the back of the truck shifted slightly under her weight. They had already picked up my motorcycle, at some point, and it had been pretty well anchored down (I was certain Dean and Sam had done that). I opened up my laptop, and set the a few programs to run in hopes of getting a hit on Lucifer. Any pings would be sent straight to my phone.

"Hey, Castiel," I walked around to his side of the car. "Where are we going, anyways?"

"Crowley has a safehouse that I have supplies stored at." He explained. "You can follow us there. It will be a bit of a drive."

"Sounds great." I took a glance over at Crowley, who was already seated in shotgun. _Utah?_

 _Yep._

Bastard. He said I could use that spot for a home, and he takes Castiel there? Why?!

Then again, I hadn't really used it. I'd been living with Mrs. Tran.

I followed them dutifully, stopping when they stopped for gas, and in turn they stopped when I requested one (usually because I'm human or because I knew Karma wanted to stretch her legs and get some food). Without fail, whenever I got out with them some sort of music was being blasted from the truck, with one person grinning like a loon and the other looking like they wanted to blow up the world for kicks.

About halfway through, they offered to help me get my motorcycle in the truck bed so I could ride with them. "You can have shotgun." Castiel offered, earning a miffed look from Crowley.

"That's my seat!"

"And I think I'll pass." I added. "As much as I would love to complete the start-up to an awful joke, I think it's better with me riding behind you guys."

"Alright."

That was probably the longest conversation I had with Castiel the whole trip.

But we finally did get to the cabin in Utah, around dusk. It was a long ride. I was still human.

"I'm taking a shower and making a few calls." I told them. My phone hadn't pinged with anything useful the whole trip, which I took as a good sign. "You two just…" I motioned between the odd pair. "Don't kill each other."

"No promises." Castiel murmured. I stifled a laugh as Crowley rolled his eyes.

"You're in love with me, feathers. Admit it." Crowley dared. I disappeared in to the room I had occupied last time, grabbing a few spare clothes from it so I could change.

The shower felt nice, and gave me a few minutes to think. What in the hell was I doing here?

I had a hellhound, currently running around outside enjoying herself. I had a surrogate mom a state or two and multiple hours of driving away. I had a demon in the main room, with an angel, talking strategy and getting supplies and who knows what else. The demon happened to have trained me in witchcraft, and the angel was once engaged to a certain human female that, OH LOOK, WAS ME.

Until I went witch, and made my choice. Until I saw that Dean and Sam would hate me for my choice, and that it would cause problems.

Until I saw that I was right, and they didn't trust witches no matter what.

"Fuck." I muttered. This was not a good situation. I had been a HOMELESS GIRL a few years ago! And now…

Now I was tangled up in all sorts of drama and problems.

I turned off the water once I was done, and just stood there for a little bit. I wasn't wearing the disguise (no point when you're alone showering).

I could look in the mirror again, and see me. Actual, real me.

I wrapped a towel around myself, making sure the door was closed before I wiped off some steam from the small mirror.

I looked different with the red hair, that was for certain. More… Angular, I guess is the right word. More explosive. More dangerous. I wasn't afraid to be identified.

My eyes, on the other hand… Guarded. Hard. Still. Focused. There was a new scar on my forehead, just barely concealed by my hairline. Small, thin, curved.

Must've been from the ghost case. That's what I told myself. Because I didn't remember that little scar being there, I didn't remember getting hurt, I didn't remember my face having that scar before.

But it was there now.

I got dressed quickly, determined to not crack the mirror but instead keep my back to it. I put back on the Diana disguise, and walked out to rejoin the pair once more.

"Hey, I know we're on a schedule, and time is of the essence," I said. "But I'm starving, I'm tired, and we just went over 15 hours on the road after an extremely stressful night. Is it alright if I crash out here for a few hours?"

"How long have you been awake?" Crowley asked. I thought for a few moments. I'd rolled in to California maybe three days ago and… Lucifer had gotten me. I hadn't slept.

"Since I got to LA." I said. "Plus a few extra hours from drive time to get there."

Once I said it out loud, I felt a wave of tired wash over me. I hadn't slept in a long time, nor particularly eaten good food. I was just… I was drained.

I was actually impressed I could keep the disguise up. If I didn't get some food and sleep in me, though, it would drop.

"Burgers sound good?" He asked, standing.

"Wait, Crowley, hold on," I started to object. I could go get the food. I could go.

I could avoid being alone with Castiel.

But before I could finish, Crowley was already gone.

"Bastard." I hissed under my breath, staying in the doorway. Castiel remained seated, leafing through a book. One of my notebooks I'd scribbled in.

"This language…" He cocked his head to the side, and I froze internally.

I still wrote everything in Pictish Swirl.

I moved towards him, and grabbed the notebook quickly from his hands. "It's a hobby." I said hastily. "I write theoretical ideas on stuff that may or may not work in a few of these. Kind of embarrassed by it. Mind not snooping again?"

"Why is it here?"

"Excuse me?"

"That notebook," he pointed to the object. "It was already here, on a small bookshelf."

"So?"

"You followed us here." He said. "But you've been here before."

"Maybe I brought it with me." I offered. "Or gave it to Crowley to stash somewhere."

"No." He said, shaking his head. "It was here the last time I was here, on that bookshelf."

"Well, he did ask me to summon the Devil." I said. "Did you think that maybe he kept one of the books I scribbled in, to analyze and try and go all freaky mind guy on me?"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind." I said, shaking my head. "Look, all my notebooks have a little DN here, see?" I opened the inside of the front cover, and showed him the letters I'd carefully etched in. "If you see that, don't snoop."

"But why is it here?"

"I said don't snoop." I repeated, walking over to the bookshelf to put it back. "Please, just… Give me some privacy in my life."

When I turned back around to look at him, I saw he was clasping something, something around his neck.

When had he started wearing a necklace?

Once he noticed my gaze, he stuffed the item quickly back inside his shirt. What had it been? A cross? A charm? And again, when in the hell had he started wearing a necklace? I liked the cord, personally. Simple, effective, sturdy. But why?

"What's that?" I asked, motioning to my own neck. I couldn't see any outline of what he might've been clasping under his shirt.

"Nothing of your concern." He replied, his voice like stone. I sighed, turning to the little kitchenette.

"You want any water?" I asked, walking to get some. I could just as easily just make it happen, but… I didn't want to do that right now.

"No."

"Alright." I got myself a glass and walked towards the door. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"Outside." I stated obviously. He glared, and I pulled my phone out of my pocket. "I need to make a phone call. I'll be back in a few minutes."

He didn't stop me as I walked out the door. I thought for a minute before walking out a little farther, setting my glass down in front of a tall tree.

I didn't need to climb it, but I did anyways. I climbed as high as I could, got comfy among the branches, and summoned my glass of water to float beside me.

Then I called Mrs. Tran. "Hey," I said, keeping my voice quiet.

"Kylie!" She exclaimed. "Oh my God where have you been?"

"I… Um…" I thought on the best way to answer that. "Can I just say that you really won't like that answer, and not actually answer you?"

"Kylie." She said, her voice warning.

"I promise, you don't want to know." I said. "You really don't want to know."

"That bad?"

"Yeah." I shuddered a little, still seeing Lucifer's red eyes in the back of my mind. Then the face morphed to Castiel's, with red eyes like Lucifer and a sickening grin. I reached for my throat, fighting the memory away. Mrs. Tran was talking still. I needed to focus. "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that last bit."

"When are you coming back?" She asked. I let out a small sigh.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I… Lucifer is going to go bigger, he said it himself. I've got to help stop him."

"Do they know it's you?" I shook my head.

"No."

"Who are you with now?"

"Castiel and Crowley."

"You're with Castiel?"

"Yeah."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I… I'm scared." I answered honestly. "He almost saw it was me. I… I could barely keep the disguise together."

"Why did you?"

"Dean and Sam… They wanted to kill me."

"They didn't know it was you."

"They would've if they did know." I stated. "Trust me, they hate witches. They'd hate me even more. And now, if Castiel finds out…" I took a deep breath. "He'll probably hate me too. They'll all hate me even more. It's better if they just don't know. I can put up with them wanting to kill a person they barely know. If they knew it was me and…"

And I had to see the looks on their faces again, the looks of hatred and betrayal when they learned it was me. It didn't matter that I'd tried to help them – that I'd taken the mark for them, that I'd sacrificed everything I could for them, that I'd given up everything again so that they wouldn't remember me in hatred.

I had had faith once before that they would still care about me, but not anymore.

"Let's just say that I won't be able to take it." I summed up. "I really don't think I will."

"Alright." Mrs. Tran said. "Are you going to be OK?"

"I will be." I promised. "When this is all over with, and I can get some distance."

"Poor kiddo." She let out a sigh. "Well, call me when you can, and let me know when you're on your way home."

"I will. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I was just worried about you."

"Thank you."

"Don't worry about it."

"I gotta go." I said. I didn't actually need to, but I wanted a little bit of time alone.

"Alright. You be safe, alright?"

"I will."

And I hung up. I sat there for a while, just thinking and trying to calm down a little bit. I was tired, very tired, and very… just… done with the world. I remembered when I questioned whether it was worth saving or not. I still questioned it some days, whether it was all worth it or not. I mean, we just got rid of Amara, and what did we get next? Lucifer back out again. And before Amara, we almost had a demon Dean that would've destroyed us all. Before that, Metatron was after it. And before that… I dunno. Leviathans at some point, but without me.

No matter what, the world was determined to end, and I couldn't help but question again why we didn't just let it.

Then again, I'd met God. Shouldn't that speak for something? He wanted his world to live on, he'd been willing to sacrifice himself for it.

But not originally. Originally, he was ready to just die, whether his world lived on or not.

He may have changed his mind, but still…

I let out a small sigh. "I wish life wasn't so hard."

I finished my water and stared up at the sky a little longer, wondering if the stars would somehow tell me all the answers I wanted. I put my hands up, thinking as to what I wanted to do.

I wanted to remember happier times. That was what I wanted to do. _"Ostende mihi cor meum." Show me my heart._

 _I saw myself with my mom, first. She was helping me with a project when I was little… Macaroni art, of all things. I think I was trying to re-create a family picture or something. I wasn't certain on the details._

 _I remember mom helping me clean up the glue, though. I'd spilled almost half of the tube on to the table. "It's alright to make mistakes." She assured me. "So long as you try to fix them afterwards."_

 _"And what if I don't succeed?"_

 _"Don't think like that." She responded. "Planning for failure is never a good thing."_

The scene changed, and I was homeless, standing in the middle of an alley. It sucked. I hated those times. Why is this my heart, then?

Then I understood.

I was praying, for the first time in my life. _"Dear God, I don't know how to do this well. I don't know how to pray, or believe properly, or anything that you would expect from someone trying to get a phone call with you. Hell, I don't even know what to say." I shrugged then, keeping my eyes open and my head facing skyward._

God, those eyes. That would be what kept getting me. My eyes looked so… So much more innocent and hopeful, believing in something I wasn't certain about yet. I was at the end of my rope, then, but at the same time I had some sort of faith.

I actually believed that something could happen.

 _"I guess I'll start with thank you. For the church guy who was preaching against homosexuality when he was getting some dick on the side. That guy and his flock had been harassing some other homeless friends of mine. Thank you for making him stop, for revealing that it doesn't matter whether Harry likes Sally or Joe. Thank you for the KKK, for stopping them and causing them to disband. And thank you for Rodriguez, for healing him. You may not remember who he is, but there was a homeless man on the sidewalk, more than likely begging for change. You stopped by, talked to him, and gave him his sight back. He called me afterwards and told me all these different colors and sights and was so excited that he started talking in Spanish half the time, but he was so happy... I haven't seen or heard Rod be truly that happy until that phone call."_

I hadn't seen Rodriguez for a long time, now. I hoped he was still alright, still safe.

I hoped he had helped himself like he wanted to, and gotten a better life. Last time I had spoken to him, he was trying to get a job. I hoped he got it.

 _"I don't know if I'm supposed to ask for anything. I feel like when people pray, a lot of times they're asking for forgiveness or help or the winning lotto numbers. I don't like asking people for help, I never have, and even though you're God I still think you're people, kind of, because I've seen people do good things and bad things, and you've done a lot that can be thrown either way, but I'm gonna call the majority of it pretty good and ok by me. So thank you for doing something. Thank you for caring about these people, and for helping my friends. Thank you for showing me that God is here, and that he cares."_

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe the faith I saw in myself. The belief and hope and ability to take a chance on believing in something that should've been impossible.

And he actually showed up.

The scene changed again. Short. Simple. Five words. _"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, DAMMIT!"_

And again. Cas was dying. I saved him. Castiel angry. Me angry. Neither of us certain about a lot of things.

Red eyes. Always those red eyes. For a moment, I caught a flash of something I didn't remember, taking Billie's hand as I stared up at the stars, but it flitted away just as quickly. Must've been from a nightmare.

Everything I saw made me hurt more and more, until I couldn't take it anymore and I shut it down. I was only torturing myself, anyways.

That was when I stood, and simply fell back to the ground. For a moment, I considered not doing anything, and just… Just letting myself hit the ground. I was pretty high up. The fall would kill me easily.

But at the last second, I stopped maybe two inches above the earth, on my back, just thinking.

I walked back to the cabin with an empty glass, and an emptier heart.

But I stopped when I heard them talking. Crowley was back, and someone had opened a window.

"You thought it was her," Crowley's gravelly voice was what I heard first. I stopped, feeling as though I shouldn't go in just yet. "Didn't you?"

"It doesn't matter." Castiel stated, his voice monotonous. "I was wrong. It wasn't her."

"You haven't gone to see her yet, have you?" The demon asked. "In Heaven?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I don't believe any of this is your business, Crowley." Now his voice was taught, still. This wasn't a line of questioning he wanted to continue.

"You almost mistook my protégé for your dead fiancée." Of course Crowley continued anyways. "You've been taking this hunt for Lucifer more serious than anything else I've seen you do, more focused. If we're going to work together, and you're going to be working with said protégé, I believe that it is some of my business."

"Leave it be, Crowley." The order was clear, precise. I could almost feel the anger bubbling underneath.

"Not until you give me some sort of answer."

"You want to hear an answer?!" Something slammed on to the table, presumably Castiel's fist. "You want to know why I can't see her?!"

"Well, yes, I do!" Crowley countered. "Since you bloody well keep wearing her damn ring, it really makes no sense that you haven't!"

He wore it? That was what was around his neck?

"I CAN'T!" He shouted, breaking me from disappearing in to my own head. I heard the pop of a lightbulb go out. I could imagine both men staring each other down, neither one willing to give any ground. "IT'S MY FAULT, CROWLEY." Castiel admitted, his voice getting just a little quieter as he went. "It's my fault she's dead. I made my choice, and she wouldn't do anything to betray the Winchesters. She couldn't do it. Kylie was good, she was determined and smart and had morals and beliefs and would've…" He paused for a second. "Well, it doesn't matter what she would've done, she's dead." Another pause. "And when I saw Diana with a knife in her stomach…"

"Oh." That was all Crowley said. I didn't understand for a moment. What was the "oh" for? "I'm sorry, mate."

"I saw her, when it was her dying the first time." Castiel's voice wavered for a fraction of a second. "But she came back. She managed to come back. And now…" I could almost see the shake of his head. "She's not coming back, and it's my fault, because I killed her."

"It's not your fault."

"It is. I let Lucifer out." Castiel argued. "Not Sam. Not Dean. Not Rowena. Not you. I'm the one that said yes. I'm the one that anchored him to Earth. I'm the one who made those choices. Nobody made them for me, I did. This is my mess, Crowley, and nobody else's."

"So what about Diana?"

"What about her?" Castiel asked. I felt myself sinking inside. "She's your protégé, like you said. A powerful witch. It'll be easier to use her than Rowena."

"Are you alright working with her?" Crowley asked.

"She's not Kylie." Castiel said. "She's not my fiancée. She doesn't look like her, sound like her, act like her, or do anything like her." He took a deep breath before saying those final, damning words.

"It was just a mistake."

I didn't go back inside for a while. I just floated on to the roof, and thought. All I could hear though were those fucking words, though.

 _She's not Kylie. It was just a mistake._

 _She doesn't look like her. It was just a mistake._

 _She doesn't sound like her. It was just a mistake._

 _It's not her. It was just a mistake._

I wasn't even a person to him, I was an it. A thing. Just an item without humanity or life or emotion. "I'm a person, Castiel." I said. "I'm not an it, I'm a me, and I'm right here." I whispered. "I'm right here, and I miss you."


	17. Cas (Thinks He) Understands (3rd POV)

Castiel wanted it to be her.

Every time he looked at her, he wanted it to be Kylie. He wanted to see her, to hear her voice, to have the witch in front of him be his dead fiancée.

And for a moment… For a moment Crowley's witch had sounded like Kylie. He didn't see red hair, he saw blonde. And with a knife in her stomach…

Castiel remembered when she died the first time. She had been on the other side of doors he couldn't break down. He was pounding on a wooden door, hearing shouted obscenities on either side from Dean and Sam aimed at Crowley. He felt adrenaline, anger, and fear as he tried to focus on her aura. He had to try and keep tabs on her somehow, try to see if she was alive or not. He saw Kylie in the air, saw her attempt to stand up to Crowley and try to win. He saw her fall.

He admired her for trying, but when she fell…. He couldn't help but feel white-hot rage aimed at the demon he was now partnered with, rage that felt like holy fire when Crowley disappeared.

All he could think then was that he couldn't fix her.

When he saw Diana the same way, it was like history repeating itself. Another blade in another girl's stomach, with her slumped over and clutching it in pain. This time, though, the demon was there.

Didn't make Castiel any less furious with him for just a moment.

What if I can't fix her? He couldn't help but ask that as he stared at Diana, wanting to ask if it was Kylie.

Again, he couldn't help but want it to be her.

When Crowley dismissed him, he ran after Lucifer. There was no way that that could be Kylie. Kylie was dead.

But Lucifer wasn't. Lucifer was out there, alive and laughing and just doing bad things to do them, with no reason except to cause mayhem and havoc and destruction. Castiel had to do something to fight off the Devil, for her.

And when he went back, he had to save the witch. He had to.

He could fix this girl. He could do something right.

He wanted it to be her, but it wasn't her.

He wanted to go back to her grave, but he couldn't. He wanted to visit her in Heaven, but he didn't have the courage to.

Diana hadn't been back for a while. Crowley had come back, with food, and when Diana hadn't been there he just sighed.

"She's gone through a lot." He said, opening the window after Castiel explained where she'd gone. "She'll be back."

"And if she's not?"

"Then I'll go find her."

"Why do you care about the human?"

"She's my legacy. If she dies, it gives me a bad reputation." Crowley thought for a second longer before speaking. "You thought it was her, didn't you?"

That wasn't a conversation Castiel wanted to have, but one that Crowley was determined to make him have.

"It was just a mistake." Castiel finally concluded the conversation, shaking his head firmly. "It wasn't her."

"She is a person, you know." Crowley stated.

"I do know."

"Then why call her an it?"

Castiel didn't answer for a while. He hadn't realized, in the moment, that he had. "I'm going to go find Diana." He finally said, seeing what time it was. The witch had been gone for quite some time now.

"She's on the roof." Crowley answered off-handedly.

"She is?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know?"

"I just do." Crowley said. "I've been around her enough to understand her habits. She likes high places."

"You have known her for longer than you said, haven't you?"

"I just paid attention." That was all Crowley was willing to respond with to that question. "If you want to talk to her, you can. She'll probably appreciate it."

"Why do you care about this girl?" Castiel asked, his words slightly biting. "You're a demon. Your mother, I understand the possibility of you caring about her, but a secondary witch?" The pair examined each other for a minute. "If I didn't know any better, I would think that you're lonely."

"And I would think you're blind." Crowley stated, putting the bag of food on the table. "I'm going to go check a few sources on finding Lucifer. You should talk to Diana."

Castiel watched Crowley walk in to the other room, raising a cellphone to his ear. He thought for a minute.

If Diana was on the roof, then she may have heard them talking.

"I may have some things to explain to her." Castiel decided, walking outside.

When Castiel walked outside, though, he heard crying. "I'm right here." Diana's voice, from the roof. She was huddled in a small ball, looking up at the sky above her. "I'm right here, and I miss you."

Castiel watched her stare up at the sky, and he felt his heart tighten in sympathy. How many nights had he done the same thing? How many times had he looked up at the sky, like humans would, hoping a lost loved one would listen; hoping Kylie was listening, somehow. And this person, this person he had been unintentionally referring to as a thing, an _it_ earlier... Was this what Crowley meant by calling him blind? That he was so blinded in his single-mindedness, that he had forgotten the inclusion of the pain of others?

Castiel felt nothing but shame at that realization. There was somebody that Diana missed as well, somebody that made her feel such sorrow and loneliness without them. Were they dead, too?

From the way she was staring up at the sky, Castiel had a good feeling that the answer was yes, and that made him feel only more shame. There were so many similarities between their situations... And he had just been blinded by his own grievances.

"Hello." He said. He wanted to hit himself afterwards. Hello? Seriously? Wouldn't most humans consider that "lame"?

Diana glanced down, surprised to see him as she wiped her eyes. "Castiel." She said. "I didn't realize you were out here."

"I didn't realize you were up there as well." He replied. "Did you…" He wasn't certain how to ask his question. Did you eavesdrop on myself and Crowley? Did you hear our conversation? Did you need to talk to anyone?

She seemed to understand, though, and nodded. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I'm sorry."

"Do you mind if I explain myself, then?" He asked.

"You don't have to." Diana said. "Really, you don't."

"I would like to, if that is alright." Castiel pleaded. Diana let out a sigh.

"Alright." She said. Castiel climbed up a bit uncoordinatedly, uncertain as to what else to do. It just felt… awkward… to stand on the ground and shout up to her. Once he was seated beside her, he thought for a moment as to how to speak.

"Who do you miss?" He asked. Diana looked shocked. "When I came out here, I heard you say that you were here, and that you missed someone."

"Did you hear anything else?"

"No."

"Ah." She paused for a second. "I… It's a difficult story to explain."

"How much of my conversation with Crowley did you hear?"

"You…" Castiel could see Diana make a choice in her mind. "You thought I was someone else."

"Ah." He thought about how to approach this. "It is a difficult story as well."

"I won't ask you to tell it if you don't want to." She offered.

"I would still like to explain, as long as it's alright."

"Go on ahead, then."

Castiel took a moment to breath before beginning. "There was a girl that I met, a few years ago. I didn't see her for a while after that, but almost a year and a half later I met her again. She was being harmed and hurt, and it was my fault. She died." He said the words bluntly. "Twice." Diana looked mildly surprised at that statement. "Both times, I couldn't save her. The first time… The first time she had a knife in her stomach."

"Oh." Diana said. She looked like she understood something in what he said.

"And when I saw you in the same problem…" Castiel's voice trailed off for a moment. "I could not help but remember what had happened before, and how I could not save her then." He shook his head. "No matter what I tried to do, no matter how much I tried to help her, I always ended up doing worse. I always ended up hurting her, until finally she died, and didn't come back that time."

"I'm sorry for your loss." She said.

"Thank you."

"Did you love her?" The question was sudden, and shocked Castiel for a second. "I haven't ever heard of an angel mistaking one human for another before. It's a pretty human thing to do, especially when you care for someone a lot." She explained. "With that and the thing Crowley said about a ring," Castiel cringed for a second. "Sorry. I was just curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"I told her I did." Castiel answered, smiling a little. "I actually screamed it at her once. But my actions…" He sighed. "There's a popular saying among humans, that actions speak louder than words, correct?" Diana nodded. "I don't think that my actions showed the same."

"Then why do you still have a ring?"

"I…" He thought on that for a moment. "I feel guilty. She died because of me and my choices. She was brought in to this whole mess because of me. If I had simply never interfered," Castiel clenched a hand in to a fist for a moment. "Then she would still be alive, still be living a normal life, still…" He searched for the right word. "She made hard decisions from being in this life, ones that changed her from the girl I first met. I believe that she would have had a chance to still be that girl, to not have made the hard decisions she did, if I had not interfered."

"If you could go back and change it," she kept her gaze steady as she asked her question. This one was an important one, to her. Castiel could understand that. "Change meeting her so that you never did, with no guarantee that she would still be alive today or not, would you?"

Castiel sat in silence beside the witch, thinking about that question. If he could go back, would it fix anything? He would miss her, but would it be selfish to leave it the same now that he knew the result?

And if he actually did it, would he actually miss her? After all, he wouldn't have met her. Would he remember her?

"I don't know." He finally answered, because in truth he didn't. He didn't know whether he would or not.

Would it be worth it, to save her?

Would it even save her, or would a vampire or demon or car come around instead?

Diana stood up, quickly and suddenly. She started to slip on the roof, and Castiel leaned over quickly to catch her by the wrist. When he touched her, though, she flinched.

"You can let go." She said, not quite looking at him though. Something was off, though. Like her hand was weird. Viscous.

When he didn't let go, she flicked her wrist, forcing his grip off of her. She stayed at an angle to the roof, floating in the air. "Thanks."

She floated back to the ground, not looking back up at her as she walked inside. Castiel spoke up one last time, having to say something to Diana. "I know you're not her." He said, trying to be consoling. "And I'm sorry if that made you feel something… Something wrong."

Diana didn't answer, just walked back inside. Castiel stayed up on the rooftop, feeling uncertain and tired as he stared up at the stars.

"What would you want me to do?" He asked, looking up. "I was not a good person to you, when I could've been better. Would you still want me, after all I've done? Would I still even deserve you?"

He wanted to ask if she would still love him, but he was afraid to.

He was afraid that he might just get an answer if he asked.

Diana saw Crowley, sitting at the table with a bag of food. "Hungry?" He asked, offering the bag.

"You knew, didn't you?" She asked. "You knew I was there, that I could hear you guys."

"I had an idea." He admitted. "Did you find the answers you were looking for?"

"I found the answers." She replied, grabbing the bag as she walked towards her room. "They just weren't ones I was prepared to hear."

The bag stayed on the nightstand, untouched, for the rest of the night.


	18. Everything Is Spiraling Out Of Control

We drove in silence for maybe an hour before he finally pulled over on the side of the road. "Look, Castiel," I started, prepared to deliver another sassy quip. He cut me off before I could.

"You have angelic grace inside of you." He stated, staring forwards. "A small portion, constantly regenerating itself. You'll have it until you die."

"That's cool." I kept my voice level.

"Nephilim don't have angelic grace within them." Castiel said. He was still staring straight ahead. He hadn't looked over at me yet. "Not like that. But what's more interesting than that, is that the grace isn't just any random angel's."

"I don't follow, feathers." I said. The doors locked, suddenly, and I felt steel grip on my wrist. Karma growled behind us. "Castiel," I said slowly, watching him turn to stare at me.

"How and why do you have a small, continually regenerating portion of _my_ grace inside you?" He asked, enunciating every word clearly.

"What?" I asked, feigning ignorance. My voice quavered a little with it, though. I was scared. I really was. I couldn't leave, because if I tried to disappear Castiel would just come with me. And if I did anything to hurt Cas…

It didn't matter how much he'd hurt me. I still cared for him too much. I didn't want to hurt him.

"I think you understood me quite well." Castiel sounded so… So distrusting. So hateful. I didn't have a good lie right off the top of my head. I hadn't prepared for this.

"Castiel," I had to stall somehow. "Are you going to hurt me?"

"I want you to answer the question."

"I'd like to hold this conversation civilly, though."

"You have a part of my grace inside of you." He answered. "And it's not recent. It's been in there for quite some time. How did you get it?"

"Look, I hid out in a library a while back, OK?" I had a lie, now. A good one. "I was running from Hunters that were trying to kill me. There was a weird power radiating in one of the books, and I opened it. There was a tiny vial in it with some glowing stuff, and I drank a little bit. It made me feel weird as hell so I put it back and ran. Puked for a few days, then felt great." I gave a bit of a pause, as if I was thinking about something. "Was that… Was that angel grace?"

"I can't tell if you're lying." He said. "You have your mind guarded."

"It's a good habit." I stated. "You don't believe me?"

"I don't know." He answered, watching me closely. I glanced over to see Karma's hackles raised, glowering at the angel as she prepared to break the window.

"Well, I would highly suggest letting go of me now," I warned. "Because my dog doesn't like me being manhandled like this." Castiel hesitated maybe a few more seconds before releasing me, still staring me down. I rubbed my wrist appreciatively. There was a small bruise where he had gripped me.

Castiel glanced at the bruise for a moment, and I saw something flash in front of his eyes before he turned away to start the car. "You should go." He said quietly. I put two fingers to my wrist, and the bruise was gone instantly.

"I'm fine." I said.

"You should go." He repeated, his voice just a little louder and firmer.

"I know."

"NOW!" He slammed the steering wheel, and Karma barked loudly, scratching at the window behind us.

I disappeared, staying invisible as I moved to sit in the bed of the truck with Karma. She calmed down when I pet her, and hopped out to sit next to the vehicle.

I watched Castiel as he glanced over to where I'd been, staring for a second before slamming his hands on the steering wheel once more. I flinched at the action. I'd never seen such anger in him before, not like this. I'd seen him tired and torn and happy and overjoyed and uncertain and angry and vengeful and just so many other emotions, but I'd never seen this; I'd never seen him feel the urge to physically act out the rage within him.

It hurt for a moment, to see him do that.

He didn't say a word, though. He didn't swear or scream or shout obscenities. He just grasped the wheel tightly where he'd hit it, and I saw small indents begin to form.

After that, I left, taking Karma with me. Crowley sat at the table, surprised to see me there.

"I assume the ride with feathers didn't go too well?" He asked.

"He recognized the grace inside of me." I stated. "And recognized it as his. It..." I bit back the last remnants of fear within me, steeling myself to accept my reality. "It didn't go well."

"What did you tell him?"

"That I'd found where it had been stashed at before he did, and taken a small amount."

"Do you think he believed it?"

"I don't know." I thought for a moment. "Crowley, I think I should leave."

"Didn't you do that already?"

"No, I mean leave all of this." I said. "I thought it would be better if they didn't remember me being alive, and they do remember me with what I'm certain are good thoughts, but other than that…" I shook my head. "It doesn't matter who I am, to them. Not anymore. I'm a witch. I can't be trusted. Not to them."

"So you just want to run away?"

"I'm not running away." I defended. "After Lucifer is dealt with, I think it would be best." I nodded along with the thought. "They don't want me here. There's no guarantee that Sam or Dean won't try to kill me afterwards. I know that they're trying to get information on me." I stared at Crowley pointedly. "What did they ask you?"

"Nothing I wasn't already expecting." He said. "Your story. Why you were here. Other miscellaneous questions." He shrugged. "I gave them the normal answers, but honestly I'm starting to become tired of this whole charade."

"You saw how they reacted." I reminded him, my voice raising slightly in pitch. "And Castiel almost snapped at me in the car. He bruised my wrist!" There came that fear again, the fear that I had screwed myself over at every angle, the fear that my choices would cause me to never be safe again, to never trust others again. The fear that Kylie Dillinger truly was dead, that I had killed her and hadn't even known it until she was a rotted corpse. "I just... I thought I could do this, I thought I wanted this, but I can't. I was wrong and I can't and if I stay it won't stop getting worse."

"Kylie," Crowley kept his voice even. "I think you're becoming a tad bit paranoid."

"No, I'm not!" I argued. "I'm being cautious! Caution kept me alive when you were hunting me. It'll keep me alive now, too."

"Kylie," his tone was just a little more commanding, now, but I didn't care. I was on a fucking roll.

"Crowley, my life has gone to shit ever since Lucifer was put in fucking play." I said. "So I'm going to see it through, having him gone. After that," I shrugged. "I don't know! I'll go back to hiding. Get another construction job or be a sideshow magician or something."

"You'll go back to being homeless." Crowley summed up.

"If that's what it takes!"

Crowley gave me a knowing look as I realized what I'd just said. I'd just said I would go back to being homeless; that I would rather run and hide and disappear from all of this versus… Versus having my life back.

But how in the hell could I get it back? I'm so far, now, from who I was… I don't even think I could see the former me in the rearview mirror, much less figure out how to get to her.

"You're paranoid." Crowley repeated.

"I'm just cautious." I argued again. Crowley let out a sigh.

"I should just tell them myself, get this whole drama over with." He pointed out, standing up. I shook my head.

"They actually will kill me if you do." I said. "Or it'll them apart."

"They won't kill you!"

"How can you be so certain?"

"Because they wouldn't be able to kill you!" He shouted. "Not if they knew it was you."

"They were considering it last time." I reminded him. "You saw Sam's face. He blamed me. He would've killed me if he remembered, purely out of grief and anger."

"I don't know what has gotten in to you," he said. "But ever since the fight with Amara, you've changed."

"I'm different no matter what!"

"No, this is different." He parroted my words. "You've almost willfully chosen to take on Cain's path."

"Yeah, well, maybe he didn't have a bad idea." I argued. "Maybe being alone is better. It keeps more people safe if they're far away from me.'

I stalked off in to my room to change. "Where are you going?" Crowley asked.

"Food." I said, emerging a few minutes later in my normal attire…

Attire that had been worn by God's sister.

Oh yeah, I was so far from normal now.

"For me and Karma." I added. At the sound of her name, she appeared beside me, wagging her tail as she rubbed her head against my thigh. "And a chance to just try and clear my head away from all of this."

"I don't think that's a smart choice." Crowley cautioned.

"Yeah, well, I'm doing it anyways." I retorted, my voice just slightly biting. God, I sounded like a petulant teenager, and I knew it. At the same time, I wasn't certain exactly what else to say.

"I don't think you should." Crowley repeated. This time his voice was different, almost as if he was threatening me.

"What are you hinting at, Crowley?"

"I'm saying that you're going to sit down, stop being so irrational," he added. "And listen to some sense instead of your own paranoia."

"Are you going to try and force me, Crowley?"

"If I must, then yes."

I watched him, looking for the slightest indicator that he was bluffing. There was none, there never was. I scoffed anyways.

"Good luck trying." I shot back, walking towards the door. A second later, the door slammed shut. I laughed. "Really? You think a door can stop me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

I found myself against the nearest wall a second later, with Karma alongside me. Crowley shook his head, looking more than a little disappointed.

"You forget who trained you." He said. "I know everything you can do."

"Let me down now." I ordered, my voice taught.

"Or what?"

"Or this."

I acted fast, focusing a quick brute force push against Crowley. He went sailing himself, in to curtains that burst in to flames once he was entangled in them. He lost his hold on me, focusing now on batting out the flames.

"I'm sorry." I said quickly.

I was gone a second later, Karma whimpering quietly beside me. We were in a park, although where I wasn't entirely certain.

I knelt down, checking to make sure she was OK. No injuries, nothing wrong, just a bit of pain from getting put on a wall. "It's OK, Karma." I said, scratching behind her ear. "We're safe. I'll protect you. You're OK."

I heard my phone ring, but didn't answer it. Instead, I rooted around in my pockets. I was warded against everything, including demons, but Crowley tended to be resourceful. I needed to make sure he didn't have anything on me for tracking.

There.

Front left pocket of my pants. I could feel a small amount of power pulsating from the coin. I let it melt in my hand, and looked around for anything else. The one of the buttons of my jacket had the same signature on it. I thought for a second before finding a nearby person.

They had a new jacket button in their pocket now.

That was the last one. Crowley couldn't find me as easily now.

"Alright, girl…" I looked around, thinking. "Let's figure out where in the hell we are."


	19. Acknowledgment and Remembrance (3rd POV)

Crowley was seething when Castiel got back. "What did you do?!" He accused.

"Excuse me?"

"What in the bloody hell did you do?" He repeated. Castiel looked around, realizing who was missing.

"Where is Diana?" He asked. "I… I need to apologize to her."

"What happened?" Crowley was persistent in his questioning.

"I…" He shook his head, and realized that the curtains were scorched. "What happened to the curtains?"

"Diana…" Crowley looked away for a minute, his voice suddenly much quieter. "She left."

"Why?"

"What did you do first?"

"What caused her to burn the curtains?"

"What caused her to start being so paranoid?"

"Why is there a dent in the wall?" Castiel noticed it, and pointed to the spot in question.

"Feathers, I still believe that I did ask first." Crowley stated. Both of them stared at each other, fuming quietly and blaming each other before they both settled.

"I… Snapped." Castiel admitted. "I could feel a part of my own grace inside of her, and… I don't know. I remembered that Kylie had had a similar affect after I got mine back and I just… I couldn't contain myself for a moment. I was so frustrated with myself, with the thought that she might have been in front of me and I had just missed it and been so blind…" His voice trailed off. "I should not have lashed out like that towards her."

"I may have tried to keep her here to talk." Crowley said after a moment. "Forcefully. And it didn't end well."

"Something is wrong, isn't it?" Castiel asked. "With all of us."

"I think that we're all hunting down Lucifer for different reasons." Crowley answered. "And that those reasons finally boiled over on to her. I want control of my kingdom again. You want Kylie back. Dean and Sam…" Crowley shrugged. "It's what they do. They feel responsible."

"So what do we do?" Castiel asked.

"Well, I've got two tracking spells on her." The demon answered. "One on a jacket and the other on a coin. She found one of them, and destroyed it, but the other is still working. Why not let her calm down, and us as well. Afterwards…" Crowley shrugged. "I don't know. I'm a demon, not a person. What would you do?"

"I'd ask Sam and Dean."

"We can't do that."

"I know."

"So what do we do?" Crowley parroted Castiel's question.

Neither of them were certain. Both thought on it for a while, taking their own seats at the table.

"I need to move on." Castiel finally said. "And stop my crusade from hurting others. I need to… To let go."

"I think I should come to accept that control will not be easy to maintain." Crowley said, Dean's words loud and clear in the back of his mind. "And that… Sometimes to be a good leader I must go back to being a soldier, instead of just bossing around others to keep that control by force."

"We're both doing bad." Castiel said, his voice holding the slight ring of finality.

"You wanna call her this time?" Crowley offered, holding out a phone. "I tried a few hours ago, but she didn't answer."

"Do you think she would answer if I called?"

"I think it's worth a shot." He answered. "And that you have a better chance than I did. She tried to burn me with curtains." He glanced over at the items in question. "I'm going to have to replace those. Again."

"Again?"

"Training." Crowley stated with a slight grimace. "They were the last things to bite the dust, but they did eventually bite it. She burnt her hands reigning in the fire, too."

"You trained her?"

"Yeah."

"Why not your mother?"

"She wasn't available at the time."

Cas and Crowley sat there in semi-awkward silence after that, waiting until an approximate time arrived to call Diana.

The only problem was, she didn't answer. When Crowley went to where he tracker had her at… She was gone.

She'd gotten rid of it. She'd gotten rid of any chance of them tracking her. Her location services were even off on her phone.

"Oh, hell." Crowley swore, but it didn't sound like his heart was in it. He just… He sounded tired. "Hey, Castiel?"

"Yes?"

"What do you keep seeing in her that reminds you so much of Kylie?" He asked. "She seems like a totally different person to me. Kylie was kinder, more rational, and…" He searched for the right word. "I guess more optimistic. Diana… She's none of those. She's rude and hard and unyielding and quite pessimistic."

"You didn't know Kylie at first." Castiel answered. "Before everything. She used to be the same way when she didn't have a home."

"Really?"

"Yes." He smiled a little. "She was so stubborn, so pessimistic and cautious and always working to think ahead as far as possible. How much food we had, how much we would need, best way to ration, who would take what guard shifts, where we would go…" Castiel paused for a second, lost in thought. "She relaxed after I got sick and better, surprisingly. I don't quite know why. But I know that she really did start being happier then."

"Huh." Crowley thought on that as Castiel allowed himself to be lost in a memory.

 _It was cold. It was raining. And Castiel was shivering as he sat half-inside a cardboard box. Kylie had tried to tell him to curl his legs, that way he could radiate his own warmth on to himself and get as much of him out of the cold rain as possible, but he couldn't do it. He just… He didn't feel strong enough, and that scared him._

 _"Dammit." Kylie muttered, sitting next to him in that box. He was shivering still, and his forehead felt hot and his teeth wouldn't stop hitting against each other and in all honesty, all the former angel wanted at that point was to go to sleep and not wake up until it had all passed._

 _"I'm fine." He said, trying to assure her as he attempted to maneuver out of the box and stand. The actions though, that hurt his head, as though he was taking a thousand beatings from his older brothers right behind the front of his skull. "I just need a little bit of time and I'll be fine." He amended._

 _"You're sick, Castiel." Kylie was blunter, then. Not really one to lie or hide anything, or make it seem more or less than it was. "You need to eat." She reached in to the bag, and I could just barely see her withdraw her hands with a slightly soggy piece bread in one, and a bottle of water in the other. She handed both to him, but the sight of them made him sick. He couldn't help but shake his head at the offering. "Yes. Eat!" She ordered, her tone sharp and insistent._

 _"We're running low on food." He answered. He'd been trying to keep track of it, so that Kylie had one less thing to worry about. "You have three granola bars, that slice of bread, 22 liters of water, and an apple." From the look on her face, Castiel's knowledge of their supplies wasn't something she was happy to hear. He was making an effort. What had he done wrong again?_

 _"Yeah, well, I can always go get more food." She reminded him. "I can't just run out to the gas station and buy a new Castiel. So eat." She pushed the sickening items towards him again. "It'll help you feel better." He looked at the food, fighting down that human urge to vomit. "I promise, you won't throw up." Her tone was quieter this time, kinder even, as she gently held the food and water towards him again._

 _That time, he ate, and almost couldn't keep it down. That was when he realized Kylie had lied, to try and get something in him. She had lied to him, to help him, and tried to be kind about it._

 _That was the only reason he was able to keep all the food down. She had tried, sacrificed precious rations so that he may get better, and he wouldn't waste them. So he ate, and shortly afterwards drowsiness overtook him until he was asleep._

 _He woke up to the sound of sirens off in the distance. He turned to where Kylie was, to ask what was happening, but she wasn't there. "Kylie?" His voice didn't even sound good. It sounded hoarse and his throat hurt when he spoke. His upper body was burning, while the lower felt as though it may freeze solid. His eyes hurt and felt heavy, his head still bore that beating on the interior, and it was raining._

 _But none of that mattered, because Kylie wasn't there, and when he tried to get up again he failed. She was gone, and he couldn't even get up to find her, much less say her name any louder than that space in between a whisper and a voice._

 _He couldn't help but say it again. "Kylie?"_

 _ **She left you.**_ _A cruel voice that sounded like Lucifer's spoke in the back of his mind._ ** _She got tired of you. You're dead weight, so she left you here to die like a human, of sickness in the cold._**

 _ **She wouldn't leave.**_ _I argued, albeit weakly._ _ **She wouldn't do that.**_

 ** _Then she's dead, and you failed her because of your weakness. She was never alive, Castiel. You're so delirious with fever, you imagined a human being back to help you because you can't help yourself. She's dead, and you couldn't do anything about it. You still can't do anything about it._**

 ** _Everything you try to save, you break and destroy and kill. Even yourself._**

 ** _Either way, it's your fault Castiel._**

 _Kylie came back a few minutes later, her form a little hazy and distorted. Worry was prevalent on her face, an emotion he hadn't seen yet._

 _ **She's dead, Castiel.**_ _That voice in his head couldn't help remind him of this._ _ **You're imagining things. She's dead, and the only thing you can think of to help you help yourself.**_ _"You left." He said, doing his best to ignore his brother's voice. Kylie grabbed our bags, slinging them all over her shoulder along with some other new items I couldn't discern. Then she urged me to stand, helping me in the process._

 _God, did it hurt. I almost wished for death right there._

 _"We have to move, now." She said urgently, her voice holding that same worry that her face did. He got up the best he could, completely destroying the box he'd been sitting in as he went._

 _"You left." He repeated._

 _"And now I'm back. I've been doing that a lot, apparently." She was too preoccupied to notice Castiel flinch at those words. What if she really was dead? Did she just admit it? "But right now, we have to run."_

 _"What happened?" He asked, trying to focus on the new things she had as she shoved something in his backpack, putting it back over her shoulder afterwards._

 _"I'll tell you later, I promise. But right now, we need to GO." When she reached for his hand, he was so happy that he could feel hers connect with his. If she could hold his hand, then she had to be there, right?_

 _Then she started pulling him along, going from walking to running as quickly as she could get me to. We stumbled, slid, and I almost tripped frequently as we ran through the rain (I would have more often than not, if Kylie hadn't been there to catch me). We ran through a forest for what felt like an eternity until she finally stopped, and I couldn't help but waste the precious food I'd eaten earlier._

 _"Sit over here." Kylie ordered, pulling him towards a tree. Once I stopped heaving, she helped him sit down, his back leaning against the rough bark of the trunk. The packs were on either side of me a second later, save for one new object that Kylie still held on to. As she set it up, Castiel learned it was a tent. When had she gotten a tent? How had she gotten one? He knew they didn't have the money for it._

 _It took him much longer than he was proud to admit to remember he had heard sirens earlier. Kylie had stolen it, and done it fast. She risked arrest and jail and to get this._

 _He wasn't certain whether to be grateful or guilty. But he felt more grateful, because if she was setting up a tent, then she couldn't be dead. She was there, she was alive, and she had risked herself to get this._

 _That made him feel guilty._

 _Once she was finished, Kylie acquired the packs and helped me get in to the tent. It felt nice, to finally be out of the rain. "There." She said, taking a deep breath. "This will keep us from the rain. And I even got you a sleeping bag." So that was the item she had put in my backpack. She procured it quickly, smiling a fake smile as she showed the item to me. "We won't use it right now, not while you're still a little warm," She took a moment to place her hand on my forehead. "But later, it's all yours buddy. Every homeless guy's dream. For right now, though," she took another second to scavenge through her own backpack until she pulled out a familiar little box. Medicine. "I'm pretty certain it's been four hours, so you're clear to take some more medicine after you eat."_

 _He didn't argue this time when she cut the last apple in half, and handed him one. He just ate it, determined to keep it within his stomach this time. Once he was gone, she handed him his water bottle and two pills. He took the medicine as Kylie had taught him._

 _"There." She repeated the word with the same fake smile, but this time it looked just a little more real. "You'll start feeling much better soon now."_

 _"You were gone." He said after a little bit. Her smile fell at that._

 _"I know. I had to go get the tent and sleeping bag. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you." She looked guilty for the actions._

 _"I thought I had been dreaming."_

 _"Dreaming about what?"_

 _"You being alive again." He answered, shivering again, though not from cold. "I thought I'd been dreaming you being alive, dreaming that you came with me, dreaming that you might forgive me. Am I dreaming?" He had to ask, had to know for certain. "Are you still dead?"_

 _"No, Castiel, I'm not dead." She assured him, grasping one of his hands lightly. He held on like a life preserver, as though it was his only assurance as to her words being truth as he stared at her hand in absolute amazement._

 _She was alive._

 _She was here with him._

 _He could still fix things with her, still do better._

 _"And you're not dreaming." She added. "I'm here with you. I… I shouldn't have been mad at you in the first place, I had no right to be, and I'm sorry for that. I forgive you." She put her other hand on top of his. "I forgive you Castiel."_

 _He felt a mix of emotions. Relief, yes, definitely, but something else. Annoyance, surprisingly. Irrational annoyance at her constant use of his proper name. She was his friend, or at least he hoped. Hell, if he was truthful with himself he would admit to wanting more than friendship._

 _But still, with both of those, she still didn't need to call him by his full name. Sam and Dean said Cas. Everybody said Cas. The brothers considered it a sign of family, a sign of him belonging. If she liked him, why wouldn't she call him Cas as well? He loved (loved? That was such a strange word for him to not only use, but also understand on an instinctually human level) to hear her say his name, yes, but he would also like to hear her be less formal with him._

 _"Quit calling me that." He requested. "Sam and Dean call me Cas, and they say it's because they like me, and that I'm their family. Do you like me, Kylie?"_

 _There was a moment's hesitation before she answered, a moment that lasted an eternity for Castiel. What if she said no? What if she suddenly disappeared? What if it all was torn away in an instant?_

 _"Yeah, of course." Her tone made it sound as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, and he felt even relieved at hearing those words. Of course she liked him. Why would she be here if she wasn't? There was still something that was bothering him, though._

 _"Then quit calling me Castiel." He requested. "Call me Cas, please. It's been bothering me for a long time now."_

 _"Alright, then." She agreed, her voice kind as she gave him a short hug. Cas couldn't help but feel as though he may be in Heaven after all. "I forgive you," she paused for a second. "Cas."_

 _"Thank you." He couldn't help but smile, and keep smiling even after Kylie ended the embrace. She helped him out of his trench coat shortly after, which felt tremendously great to Castiel. Who knew how heavy a wet article of clothing could be?_

 _"What's this?" She asked, regaining his attention. She was holding the card, the one he had bought for her earlier. He was intending to surprise it with her after he was better._

 _"You were upset with me…" He started off, uncertain as to how to continue. When she gazed at him, so intent and focused on his words with such kindness and… he wasn't certain how the word "openness" seemed to describe her eyes at that moment, but it did, and for a moment that openness made him forget how to explain the card of apology. "That's the real reason why I wandered off. The tea was only an afterthought. I was going to give it to you after it stopped raining."_

 _She paused for maybe a moment before opening the card, and reading his apology inside. And that was the last thing he remembered before sleep overtook him again, but he was certain that he could hear Kylie's voice cut through the fog of his mind. "I forgive you Cas, I promise." She said, her voice like moonlight in my mind. "Just please get better. Please get better. For all your faults and mishaps, I can't do this without you. You're the only person I have right now. So please, please Cas," There was warmth radiating from somewhere… His hand. It was a comforting warmth, one that he wanted to hold on to, but he could already feel it slipping away as he fell deeper and deeper in to the fog. "Please get better, and get better soon." Her voice drifted over him, as light as the wind. He tried to reach for it, to clench that warmth and comfort that was her a little tighter and promise her that he would get better, but he just kept falling._

 _When he woke up, it was early morning. Kylie was fast asleep beside him, curled in to a small ball like she normally slept. Castiel wanted to ask why, but even he knew enough about humanity to know that it would be an odd question to ask._

 _What made him smile, though, was that her curled form was resting partially on him, her head on his thigh as she faced towards the tent flaps. She didn't have to rest like that, he had seen her sleeping sitting up multiple times as well (although as to the reason for that, he knew why), but that she did made him smile. Had she done it on purpose? On accident?_

 _Castiel couldn't care less, because she was getting sleep and she was comfortable enough to rest her head on him._

 _Then again, she had also slept while he had, something she worked hard to not do. She must have been absolutely exhausted._

 _Castiel decided he was going to do something nice for her._

 _He gently shifted her to sleep on his coat, balled up in a corner of the tent, and worked as quietly as possible to gather their wet things and lay them out in the sun. Once he was done, he stopped._

 _It had stopped raining, and the sun felt great against his skin. He stood for a moment, and on a whim spread his arms wide._

 _It felt as warm as Kylie's hand in his; as healing and comforting and soft as she had been, for just a few moments._

 _Castiel removed his wet shirt to lay out as well. The sun felt good against his chest, it felt as though his father were blessing him with this good fortune._

 _When Kylie came out, the sun's warmth was dim in comparison to her. She came and sat by him, and they talked like friends. She called him Cas. That made him feel good._

 _She was contemplative as they sat side by side, his coat now laid out to dry on the opposite side of Kylie. He wanted to offer her himself so that she may rest her head on him, but he didn't. He wasn't certain how that would be received._

 _As far as he could tell, though, she was happy. That was what mattered most._

 **And now she's dead again, little brother.** Lucifer's voice once more, a sneering hiss of negative thoughts in the back of his mind. **And once again, it is all your fault.**


	20. At This Point, I've Given Up On Feelings

Crowley called. Castiel called. Crowley even texted. Castiel tried to text, but it was stilted and awkward-sounding, like bad poetry.

I ignored them for a while. Got a hell of a lot of meat from the butchers for Karma (she's can really pack away the meat without putting on the pounds. I was envious), and… I don't know.

I was still terrified to go back, but I had to go back. After all, my phone went off. I had a hit on Lucifer, and it was a big one.

Holy shit was it big.

I was about to show up back at the Bunker, when my phone rang one last time. Crowley. Again.

I answered it before it could ring a second time. "Crowley, I know who Lucifer's next vessel is."

"So do I."

"Jefferson Rooney." We both said simultaneously. I made a face.

"Wait, how do you know?" I asked.

"I have multiple inside sources at the Hill." That was concerning. I paused, and I knew Crowley could sense it. "It's politics, Diana. What did you expect? And furthermore, how did you know?"

"Death at the White House." I answered. "And someone leaked info about a cross being burnt in to the President's hand momentarily."

"You've got to love stalker media." Crowley commented, shaking his head. "Alright. I'll go tell moose and squirrel. What's your plan?"

"You…" I thought. "You're not ordering me back?"

"I saw how well that attempt went." He answered. "I try not to make the same moronic mistakes twice."

His voice sounded different though. Disappointed, like he was just… I wasn't certain. Like he was giving up on something.

"Do… Do you guys want me back?"

"Do you want to be back?"

"I don't know." That much was true.

"Well, I'll be gone for a while talking to Winchester Wonder-Twins," Crowley said. "So it's your choice on whether you want to be alone with Castiel again or not."

"What do…" I stopped myself. I was about to ask what he would suggest. Hadn't I just lit curtains on fire for the same thing?

"I'm not telling you what choices to make anymore." He said. "Or what I think of your choices. I'm done with all of that."

"Crowley," I didn't even know what I was going to say.

"You can make your own decisions, whether you want to be alone or not." Crowley said. His words cut deep, like a knife. "You're an adult, you've already made a lot of decisions, and I'm done with trying to change them. It's all your choice now, Diana."

"Wait, hold on," I tried to say… Hell, I don't know what I was trying to say, but I didn't get a chance. The line went dead. Crowley had hung up. I stared at my cell, not certain as to what to do.

But I made my choice, and went to the cabin. I had nowhere else to go, after all. I couldn't go see Mrs. Tran, I had to keep her out of all of this.

When I arrived, Castiel was sitting down at the table, going between looking at a laptop and writing down some things.

"Hey." I said softly, keeping my distance. Castiel looked up immediately, and stood.

"Diana." He said the name a little rushed. "I… You are alright?"

"Yeah." I nodded with it, fighting the urge to rub my wrist slightly. "No damages on me."

"That's not what I meant." He said. "Are you… Are you alright?" Was I OK with him, that was the question. Was I alright with being there, in the same room as him. Was I alright?

"Yes and no." I answered honestly. "But… I'm alright with you."

"Thank you."

"No problem." I glanced over at his notes. "What're you working on? We already know who Lucifer has now."

"I know." Castiel said. "I'm actually doing something else, to try and… mitigate my 'mood swings,' as Crowley calls them."

"Oh?" I moved just a little closer, keeping my eyes on the notes. "Mind if I ask what it is?"

"I… I searched your name." He explained. "And I'm trying to write down the differences between you and… Kylie." He took a small breath before saying my name. "That way I can try and stop looking for her whenever I interact with you."

"Oh." I really was a different person, now. I didn't know there was anything inside of me left to break, but there it was, something new that just shattered in to a million and three pieces.

Castiel took the oh as a good thing, though. "Would you like to see?" Before I could answer, he grabbed the list and brought it over to me. For a moment, I was reminded of when he was human, doing random little things here and there to try and help us get along better, like the tea or the card or so many other countless thoughts.

This time, though, as I read the list, each word felt like I was being stabbed with another witchbag.

 _Kylie –_

 _1\. Blonde_

 _2\. Not a witch_

 _3\. Did not go to college_

 _4\. Was homeless_

 _5\. Died twice_

 _6\. Gold eyes_

 _7\. Hated skirts_

 _Diana –_

 _1\. Red hair_

 _2\. Witch_

 _3\. Attending college_

 _4\. Not homeless (maybe?)_

 _5\. Not dead_

 _6\. Brown eyes_

 _7\. Wears skirts_

"That's a…" I thought for a moment, trying my best to not hate the paper in front of me. "How did you know I was going to college?"

"You brought it up when we first met." He answered. I thought back on that. He was right, I had.

"Ah." I thought on that. "So… Is the list helping?"

"I believe it is, yes." He answered. "I can remember these things, so that I can see you as a completely independent person instead of… staying stuck in the past."

He was trying to move on. Good. He… He deserved better. I was nothing more than a coward, now. Someone who was too scared to tell the truth, too scared of what might happen if I did. Castiel deserved better, deserved a normal girl who wasn't afraid like I was, who wasn't a witch that his best friends would hate, who was just…

Just someone who he could love, instead of someone he wasn't certain about wanting around anymore.

"Good for you, Castiel." I said, nodding as I bit back tears. "I'm glad that… That you're figuring things out."

"And I'm sorry for how I reacted towards you." He kept talking, his voice returning to a more natural state as he went. "I'm sorry that I kept wanting you to be her. I promise, from here onwards I will do everything I can to accept the fact that… That Kylie is dead," he took a second to breath. "And that you are not Kylie. You're Diana." I could almost hear a little smile in his voice.

"Sounds good." I lied, putting down the list. I think I would've preferred a witchbag at that point.

I went to acquire my own laptop, briefing myself on everything I there was to know about President Rooney. Habits, hobbies, tendencies in making decisions, I ran them all through an algorithm set to find changes in his habits and behaviors, with past choices and information being the parameters of normalcy.

Some days, I really wished I could thank Danny for everything she taught me about computers, and everything she had left behind on this laptop for me to learn.

But I had it all set up, so we could track his movements. He had a fundraising tour going on. That was definitely good news.

Crowley called Castiel shortly afterwards, summoning us both to the Bunker. We drove. It wasn't too long. Karma rode in the back.

When "Believe it or Not" came on the radio, neither of us sang along.

Once we got to the Bunker, though, it was straight to business, with Dean and Sam offering me the usual unwelcoming glares as I walked in.

"Nice secret hideout." I commented, looking around. I hadn't been in the Bunker in a while. "I bet it comes equipped with it's own torture dungeon too, huh?" That one got me no response, just more glares. "Ah. Fine. To work. Jefferson Rooney," I pulled up the composite I had made on him on my laptop, and took a seat at the B.A.M.T., floating my jacket off of my body and on to the back of my chair. "President of the USA, currently on a tour of the Midwest to gain some funding, heavily guarded no matter what, and current vessel to the one and only Lucifer, son of God, Devil with his own religion." I glanced up at everyone. Castiel took a seat next to me, Sam was off in a corner making a call, Dean was glaring with his arms crossed, and Crowley sat a decent distance away from me, still looking quite tired. "What's the plan?"

"The plan is to not have you in it anymore." Crowley said. I stared at him, stunned. "Rowena has agreed to help as long as we have a guaranteed way of having Lucifer back in the cage."

"What?"

"You're out." He said, looking away. "And actually, you can go now, if you please."

"He had me with a witchcatcher for days." I said, gritting my teeth. "I had to have a witchbag in my damn pocket the entire time. I'm surprised I didn't die from all of that. I've got a pretty damn good reason to be here, and you're telling me to leave?"

"Yes." He said, making a shooing motion with his hand. "Off you go."

"You need me." I stated. I could feel Karma's presence outside. She knew I wasn't happy, and she keened quietly at the door. "And what happened to not telling me what to do?"

"She may have a point." Castiel said. "Even if Crowley does bring in Rowena, an inherent problem remains. Lucifer can't be returned to the cage inside his vessel." I nodded as Sam rejoined us with his own laptop, sitting down between Crowley and Castiel. "His essence has to be extracted."

"We tried." I added, glaring at Crowley. "Didn't want to involve your mother then, but now you do?"

"Let's focus on the main problem here." Sam said, trying his best to bring us back to focus. "Lucifer has found the perfect safe house. I mean, how do we even start getting close to the President?"

"Well, it helps that he's not in D.C." Dean added, motioning to me. "Do you know where he is now?"

He was still glaring, but he was also including me, which was a bit of a shock. I nodded. "Indianapolis. He's staying at a place owned by Ron Forester."

"He's a hedge fund zillionaire." Sam added. "And the whole party is there. Aides, Secret Service, the whole circus, as well as Rooney."

"It's right outside Indianapolis." I concluded as Sam pulled up pictures of the place. "Completely surrounded by state-of-the-art security, private security, secret service, military escorts," I shrugged. "The whole circus on some seriously maxed out steroid abuse."

"What's our Plan B?" Sam asked. Dean thought for a moment.

"He's got a hell of a speaking schedule." He said. I pulled it up as he continued. "He's averaging three events a day, and he's got a gala dinner on Friday night."

"Well, at least he'll be outside of the mansion." Castiel offered optimistically.

"Yeah, guarded like the Hope Diamond." Sam scoffed. "Plan C?"

They turned to look at Crowley. "What?" The demon asked. "Just because my name starts with a C, that automatically means that I have to provide Plan C?" When nobody answered, he let out a sigh. "Well, you all already know my intent, and I'm surprised you haven't agreed yet."

"I'm not leaving until this business is finished."

"Your part is finished in it." He said, standing. He straightened his jacket for a moment. "Now I am going to fetch mother. Your only part left in this is planning, if at all. I want you gone when I return."

And then he disappeared, no room left for questions.

"I hate him." I muttered. "First he brings me in, and now he wants me gone?" I looked over at the brothers. "Who does that?!" Neither brother answered. Both of them were looking at me with a mix of tension and apprehension. Dean's hand drifted from the crossed arms position to what I knew was a gun in his back pocket. "You're not serious, are you?" I asked him. "NOW you're going to shoot me? Really?"

"Ah… Diana…" Castiel's voice was a forced calm beside me. "The books behind you are floating and giving off an electrical charge between them."

I glanced behind me, and saw what he was saying to be true. I hadn't even… I hadn't…

That hadn't happened before, magic going off on it's own, much less like that.

"Sorry." I mumbled, stopping it quickly. Dean's hand moved away from the gun, back to the crossed position. "So when do we leave?"

"You're not coming with us." Dean said, his voice calm. "Crowley was right. You don't need to be involved anymore."

"What?" I asked, for the second time in maybe less than a half hour. "You can't be serious, right?"

"Very." He said.

"And what's to stop me from going after him on my own again?" I offered. "He doesn't have the witchcatcher anymore. He can't stop me this time."

"Well, shooting you is still an option." Dean offered. I bristled at that, and felt Karma bark outside. The noise of it vibrated throughout the building for a moment.

"Or not." Sam quickly offered, standing up as he closed his laptop. "You know, it's late. We're all tired. Let's say that we get some sleep and reconvene tomorrow, probably leave then too."

"Wait." Castiel interrupted. "Where will Diana go?"

I could see that that had been the Winchester's idea. Once I was out, they could lock the door and I couldn't get back in. They could leave whenever they pleased, and didn't have to have me around at all. Hell, they could probably even make some witchbags or something to keep me away.

And either Castiel hadn't noticed, or he hadn't agreed.

"I'm sure the witch has somewhere to live." Dean said. "Like a nice little swamp or some earthy vegan shop or something."

"She doesn't." Castiel said. I was surprised. He was… He was lying. I could easily stay at the cabin, and he knew that, but…

Why was he lying for me?

"Well…" Sam was cornered, and he knew it. Dean let out an exasperated sigh.

"Fine. She can stay here for the night, ok?" He offered. I nodded. "But the freaking hellhound stays outside." Dean shook his head, walking away. "Freaking witches." He muttered. Sam followed, and the two talked quietly.

"You didn't have to do that." I said after they were out of earshot. "Why did you?"

"Do you have anywhere else to stay, besides the Cabin?" He asked. I shook my head. I was still too afraid to go and stay with Mrs. Tran, and risk revealing where she was. "Then why not stay here?"

"They don't like me." I reminded him. "Dean is maybe one accidental mistake on my part away from shooting me with a smile on his face."

"They won't." Castiel assured me. "They're just… Figuring things out in their own way as well."

"What are they trying to figure out?"

"Almost every female around them ends up dead." His voice was honest, caring. "I feel as though they are just tired of seeing it happen so often."

"I can take care of myself."

"Like you did with Lucifer?" He asked. I bit my tongue on that one. "I don't want to see you hurt either, Diana." He offered an awkward pat on the back as he got up. "I'm going to go get some coffee. Would you like any?"

"No thank you." I said, shaking my head. "Not a big fan of coffee, anyways. I think I'm going to do some more research, see if there's a way to get Lucifer out of his vessel."

"Alright." He said, walking off.

I stayed up the entire night, sitting and reading and doing what I could to figure out what in the hell was going on. Castiel brought over a few books to help, and offered what he remembered. "He can be cast out by the vessel." He said. "Or the vessel can take control. Sam did it, did both."

"Good to know." I thought, writing down some ideas. Castiel sat quietly next to me, thinking as I researched. I didn't realize it for a long while, but it was comforting, like how things used to be.

The thought only made me feel worse.

In the early hours of the morning, Castiel got up for another cup of coffee. He offered me one again, and again I refused.

He had two glasses in his hands when a surge went out, a powerful one. Not like a power surge, but an energy surge, like something big had just happened. My head felt like it was about to explode, and I clutched it in pain as Castiel collapsed in front of me, glasses shattering on the ground as he cried out.

"Cas!" I shouted, running towards him. Dean and Sam cam thundering in as I checked his vitals, seeing what was wrong.

"Cas?" Dean said, shoving me over to check on him as well. "Cas? Hey?"

"What did you do?" Sam asked.

"Excuse me?!"

"She didn't do anything." Castiel said. "Something's happened. Something... Angel radio... There are so many voices."

"What are they saying?" Sam asked, turning from me to Castiel. I gritted my teeth, forcing my hands away as I focused on the angel.

"There's been a massive surge in celestial energy." Castiel explained. I nodded. I'd felt the same thing. Was God back? Had he caged Amara again after all? "A Nephilim is come into being. It's the offspring of an angel and a human."

I couldn't help but feel a little relieved at that, until a horrible thought dawned on me.

"And that's big news?" Dean asked.

"Yes, but the power to produce this is immense. It's much, much greater than a typical angel."

"It's Lucifer." I realized, my stomach dropping six feet under.

"Lucifer?" Sam asked. I nodded, as did Castiel, clutching his head still

"I didn't know he was dating." Dean commented. I moved them both out of the way.

"Hold on a second." I said, rooting around in my pockets. No matter what, I always kept spare ingredients on me. I didn't have enough time or focus to make something up (and honestly, at that point I was a little afraid to), but I had one spell memorized from so much use that I could still recall exactly what to do. I cast a hand out to the side, putting one of the two cups back together so I could throw them in. It had been a long time since I'd used this one, but it would work. I couldn't stop what was causing the pain, but I could switch where the pain was going.

I pulled a hair from him quickly, earning a disgruntled "Hey!" from Dean. "Shut up. I'm working." I ordered. The contents in the cup burned easy, and as they did I spoke words I hadn't used in a long time. _"Cum sanare infirmos, infirmitatem meam mecum."_

 _As I heal the sick, I take the sickness within myself._

I let out a grunt of pain myself, dropping the cup once more. The shattering sound of it was deafening to my head, GOD did it hurt. I leaned up against the leg of a table, leaving room for Sam and Dean to once more check on Castiel. "Are you alright?" Dean asked. The angel nodded, turning to look at me.

"She…" He stared at me. "She took it on herself."

"Like…" Sam stopped what he was about to say, but I knew the question. _Like Kylie did when I told her not to, because magic is bad and won't ever stop being bad?_

"Yes." Castiel assured him quickly.

"FUCK this hurts like a bitch." I swore bitterly, clasping my head between my knees. It was worse than my own headache had been before, although thankfully not nearly as bad as a witchbag. "I never want to be an angel. Never."

I was proud of myself for not vomiting like I had the first time, though. That was a definite improvement. The influx of angel pain, however… I'm pretty certain the only reason I was still conscious was the bit of grace inside myself.

I felt an arm around my back, pulling me up a little. "We need to leave, now." Dean's voice, not the one helping me, made me fall back down to the ground in pain. This was worse than a hangover.

"You two start the Impala." Castiel ordered. His voice was right next to mine, and not at all helping my head. "And call Crowley. Let him know about the new information. We will join you in a minute." When nobody moved, Castiel spoke again, much louder and more painfully this time. "Now!"

Then they ran off, presumably to the door. I could feel Karma outside, keening again and barking. The barking wasn't helping. Definitely wasn't helping.

"Why did you have to do that?" Castiel asked, his voice softer this time. He put a hand to my head, and I moved it away.

"Don't." I said. "I'm fine."

He did anyways, and the headache was gone instantly. "Why did you do that?" He asked.

"You were in pain." I answered. "And much more important to everyone else than I am. They don't even want me along, remember?"

"Do you want to come?" He asked. I watched him for a moment, realizing that this was the first time someone had actually asked if I wanted to be involved or not. "If you do not wish to, I won't force you to, but at the same time I believe that you deserve the option to be there if that is what you want."

"I…" I took a deep breath. "I would like to come."

"Then we should go." Castiel said. I nodded, and he helped me get up. My head hurt for just a second again, but not anymore. I summoned my jacket with ease, and we both hurried outside where Dean and Sam were already waiting. I offered Karma a short scratch on the head before she disappeared, and I hopped in the back seat with Castiel.

We were going to hunt the Devil. I knew Sam and Dean and Castiel had been down this road before, probably in this same car too, with Castiel in the back seat as well.

And now I was there with them, and they didn't even know it was me. They just thought I was some witch that they were thinking about killing. And when they did know it was me, Sam had been pretty close to actually doing it. They… They'd hated me.

No matter what I did, no matter what choices I made or details I altered in their memories, that fact would never change. No matter what they knew or didn't know, they were going to despise me and want me out of their lives, with my own being of little consequence to them.

I almost wished that I had died, both times when Lucifer tried to kill me.


	21. Arthur Ketch, British Men of Letters

I sent Karma to protect Mrs. Tran before we left. The Devil was currently wearing the President like an expensive suit, and I wasn't willing to take any chances that he would come after the people I cared about and weren't currently around. Sam, meanwhile, called Crowley to update him on what to find, and told us afterwards that he and Rowena would meet us in Indianapolis. I got a text on my phone shortly afterwards. **Fine. Do what you want. Don't blame me when it all goes bad.**

Oh, Crowley, always the optimist.

"So, what's the plan?" I asked, putting my phone away.

"Impeach LOTUS and find Rosemary's baby." Dean answered. I let out a short laugh.

"LOTUS? Really?" I asked. "That's what you want to call him?"

"I don't understand." Castiel said. "I thought a lotus was a flower."

"He means Lucifer Of The United States." I explained. "It's a play on the POTUS acronym." I thought for a moment. "Does this make the mistress MOTUS?"

"It makes her a woman that has unintentionally gotten way over her head." Dean stated, glaring at me in the rear view mirror. The message was clear. _Like you_. A black SUV appeared behind us, then, flashing the cherries and berries. Sam gave Dean a look as he pulled over, an unspoken brotherly _I told you so_ emanating from the look due to his speeding habits. "Aw, crap." Dean muttered as men in suits got out of the car. Sam pulled two badges out of the glove box, handing one to Dean. "All right. Stay here." He told us, both brothers opening their doors. "We got this."

We both watched quietly as the brothers talked with the officers, but something felt off. "Stay in the car." I whispered to Castiel, about to go invisible and hop out. Then the one in front pulled a gun out, and I knew the situation had just gotten a lot worse. Dean grabbed his arm, punching the man in the face as Sam held up his hands. I acted fast, appearing in between Sam and the gentlemen. "Hello, boys." They pulled their guns out, and I held out a closed fist, concentrating on their weapons. Their guns just clicked, empty. When I opened my hand, the bullets that had previously been in the guns fell from my hand, like some sort of a magic trick, and I watched their eyes widen. "Yeah." I said, nodding as I offered them a tight smile. "Abracadabra, bitches."

They advanced on me and Sam, ready to fight. Sam took the one on the left, slamming him in to the car, while the other one came for me swinging. For a moment I considered whistling for Karma, but decided against it. Karma would kill them. I didn't want to do that. They were probably just following orders. So I disappeared behind the man, and watched as his punch swung around to accidentally hit Sam. He stopped for a second, confused, and I tapped the man on the shoulder. "Miss me?" I asked. He turned around, startled, and I proceeded to break his nose with the heel of my hand. He recoiled in pain, clasping at his face, and I took the opportunity to kick him in the chest. He went flying back, groaning at his broken sternum. He tried to get up, and I reached in my pocket for some chamomile.

"Stay down." I ordered, walking towards him. I blew the herb in his face, whispering as I did. " _Bah-rah-gah-doh_." He let out one more groan before his head thunked heavily on the dirt.

"Stop!" A voice shouted, definitely not Sam or Dean's. A warning shot was fired, and I felt something embed itself painfully my shoulder. Fireworks exploded behind my eyes, and I fought the urge to fall to the ground as I cried out in pain, grasping my injured shoulder as I turned to look at who fired the shot. It was the officer that had been fighting with Dean. He had a smoking gun pointed in just the right place so that he could easily shoot myself, or Sam, or Dean.

And those weren't normal bullets, that I knew. Lucifer had to have given them to him. I remembered this feeling.

The bullet was hollow on the inside, and had the ingredients for a witchbag. A shootable witchbag, embedded in my shoulder, making me feel absolutely sick. My legs were already feeling weak, and I wasn't certain if I could keep standing like I was, much less if I could do anything to stop the guy with a gun. If I did anything, I wasn't certain if I would be faster than him, much less his bullets. At that moment, I was just thankful he hadn't gotten any that were made to kill witches.

"Don't move!" He ordered, eyeing me. "And no funny business! I don't know who you are, but I'm not a fan of magicians."

Castiel was out of the car behind him, staring in abject worry and horror at the scene. I shook my head at him as Dean spoke. "Cas, don't."

As we all stood there, waiting to see what the man with the gun would do, I heard something strange behind me. Jazz music and… A car? I turned my head, we all did, and watched as a black limousine pulled up a few yards away from all of us. A man exited the limosine, pulling out…

Holy fuck, was that a _**grenade launcher?**_

"Hit the deck!" I shouted, watching as he aimed… For the same SUV I was pretty damn close to. I ran at a diagonal, and heard two shots fire. One was from the gun in the man's hand, hitting me again in the leg. The other made me jump, hoping I could get far enough away in time as the sound of a grenade launcher firing was accentuated by that of an exploding car.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sam and Dean get down as Cas stood still, and the explosion propelled my airborne body forwards before I finally came face-first to the asphalt below me.

My ears rang, and on instinct I reached up to cup them. My shoulder screamed with pain though, as did the rest of my body, and I stopped immediately to prop myself up with one hand and vomit. Two hands were on my shoulders, and I couldn't tell who it was. I couldn't hear anything, couldn't even look up to see who was there. I was certain I knew, anyways. I wanted to smile. It felt so comforting, feeling him beside me, making sure I was alright, doing everything he could. "I'm fine." I tried to say, forcing myself to look over at him.

But it wasn't Castiel, it was a man I didn't know, the one that fired the grenade launcher, and he was investigating me. His eyes widened in shock, and I didn't understand. Why was he shocked? He was the one that launched a freaking grenade out.

Then I saw my reflection in his eyes, my torn and scratched and road-rashed reflection, and realized what might startle him. He'd seen my face, for a moment, before shooting.

The face he saw now wasn't the same one I wore as a disguise.

I watched him try and mouth words, but I couldn't hear him well. "What?" I asked. My ears were still ringing.

He looked up, hearing someone talking to him. I could just barely hear an English accent coming from the man in general, but I couldn't discern any actual words.

I stayed there on the ground, and worked to dig out the first bullet in my shoulder as my ears slowly cleared. It hurt, but not nearly as bad as the bullets themselves did. Once I had that one out, I felt marginally better. Note to self, the closer a witchbag (or in this case bullet) is to the heart, the more it makes you wish you were dead. I held my hand above the one in my leg, fighting a raging headache as I tried to pull it out with magic. That made me see black spots, though, and I had to stop.

When the man looked back at me, he brushed away my hand. "Let me." He offered. I could hear him much clearer, now. He withdrew a pair of tweezers from the inside of his jacket and pulled the bullet out with ease, the pair of us watching each other cautiously. When he was finished, he spoke briefly. "Hide yourself." He hissed, maintaining eye contact. God, he really did have an English accent, didn't he? "I'm quite certain the other three aren't aware of your true identity as of yet."

I did as he said, putting up the disguise like a familiar shirt. I saw the change in his reflection, and he nodded. "Good." He stood up, then, offering me a hand. "She's alright." He told the others. "Might want to have your angel heal her at some point later, though, in case she has a concussion."

"I can heal myself." I said, my voice tired. The guy moved away from me, and Castiel offered me a side glance.

"Are you sure?" He asked. I nodded, focusing on my injuries as I walked towards the SUV. It was still burning. I took a deep breath before thrusting my hand in to the flames. I hadn't done that in a while with a fire that I hadn't created, but it was worth a shot.

The flames disappeared in to me, and I felt searing pain inside myself for a moment as I did. I took a glance at my arm. No burns.

Damn I'm good.

I took a second to heal myself, focusing hard as I did. I could feel my injuries and bullet holes slowly but surely start to heal, but it was gonna take time. If I did it all at once, I would pass out, and if I was asleep I couldn't keep up the disguise. It was taking enough out of me as it was to keep it up while I was still weak.

"U.S. government plates." The English guy commented, looking from me to the car and back to the guys. As he turned away, I could see the tattoo of a black cross on the back of his neck, as well as on the backs of his hands. "Elite dogcatcher level. Someone special wants you. Whose hydrant have you lads been tinkling on?"

"I'm sorry," Dean said, not at all sounding an ounce of apologetic. "Who the hell are you?"

"Oh. Where are my manners? Arthur Ketch. British Men of Letters."

That was news. I didn't know anything about any other branches of the Men of Letters.

Castiel walked past him and towards me. "Let me help." He urged quietly. "You're weak."

"I'm fine." I told him. "I promise."

He put a hand on my shoulder, and I looked down as a precaution, pretending to watch the hole in my leg disappear instead. Why was my magic acting so haywire now? Disguises falling off without me able to feel it, stuff floating and electrocuting itself behind me… What was going on?

"Why are you here?" Dean asked. Castiel let go of me, and I made sure that the disguise was on before looking back up.

"Thank you." I whispered to him. He nodded, then moved to resume standing between myself, the Winchesters, and Ketch, keeping the British man in an almost-complete circle.

"I'd love to stick around and chat," Ketch said. "But this location isn't safe. If we don't get away from here, more will come, and personally..." He looked back at the car. "I'm not a big fan of causing an international affair, no matter how much fun it is to blow up your government's vehicles."

As he spoke, we could all hear sirens wailing in the distance. "We need to leave. Now." He urged us. "Follow me."

"How do we know you won't blow us up too?" Sam asked.

"I'll go with him." I offered. "I'll make sure that he doesn't try anything. Besides," I shrugged. "I'm expendable."

Castiel looked a little uncertain by my words, but Dean nodded. "Fine. Let's go before the 5-0 get here."

"Americans." Ketch grumbled, shaking his head as he sprinted off to his car. I followed behind him, jumping in to the passenger seat of the limo with ease. Once we started moving, Ketch glanced over at me. "You can drop the disguise now, by the way. Excellent work, though. I can barely feel it on you." I waited for a minute, uncertain. "Look, I just told you to disguise yourself in front of those blokes, and now you're questioning whether I'm planning to tell your secret or not?" He asked. "I give you my word as an Englishman that that is not my intent as of right now."

"Fine." I let go of the disguise illusion, not feeling any more comfortable without it on that I had with it.

"What's your name?"

"Diana Nyx."

"What's your real name?"

"Diana Tran."

"How many fake names are you going to give me?" He asked, keeping a straight face. "Now, I can either use the picture of you that my interior dash camera has already taken and look it up later, or you can just tell me your name now and get it over with."

I inspected his dash, and saw a tiny camera in the center, right above the navigation system. In fact, the whole limo was decked out with tech and symbols… Like Hunting and computers had a British limo baby.

"Kylie." I said quietly. "Kylie Dillinger."

"So you mean…" He thought for a minute. "You're the girl the angel used to be engaged to?"

"How do you know about that?"

"We've been monitoring the Winchesters and their allies for some time now." He said. "However, all reports we have indicate that you're dead. In fact," he added. "You're supposed to have been dead twice now."

"That was the intent."

"Why so?"

"Personal reasons."

"You were married, set to be engaged, and now you're hiding from the very angel you were engaged to?" He asked. I nodded, once, curtly. "Fine. You're entitled to having your own secrets. Here's what I do know, though." I listened as he rambled off a short summary of my history. Dead family. Homeless. Picked up by the Winchesters. Stayed with them until I moved out with Castiel. Died for what everyone else saw as permanent, newspaper clippings included.

"I feel a little violated." I said, eyeing the camera for a moment. "Do you guys even know my favorite color or something?"

"I believe our records have it stated as red." He answered blatantly. "With a slight flair for some purple as well."

"Well now I feel extremely violated."

"So why are you here?" He asked. "Why are you still alive, and why are you working with the same people you're hiding from?"

"I'm alive because I'm lucky." I said. "And I'm working with them because we have a common enemy."

"And afterwards?" He posed. "What will you do if you succeed in defeating this enemy?"

"I'll figure it out then."

"Might I make a suggestion?"

"What, work for you?" I scoffed. When he didn't say anything, I stared hard at the man. "Work for the British Men of Letters? Really?"

"You could be a valuable asset to us." He said. "It would keep you in Hunting however you prefer, offer you unlimited access to the knowledge of the world, and with your… Adeptness with witchcraft," he was very polite about the way he said it, in contrast to Sam and Dean's usually more blatant hatred of the idea. "Would also be useful in providing insight to how different spells work and which ones we may use to better protect ourselves and the people."

"What if I say no?" I challenged him. "Are you going to kill me too?"

"No, of course not." He said. "That's barbaric." That one was new, too. I was actually accustomed to death threats at this point. "I mean, we made a similar offer to Dean and Sam, and do you see me gallivanting off to murder them?" He shook his head. "Instead, I come to rescue them with a grenade launcher. Do you know how hard it is to acquire one of those? Couldn't exactly bring one with me from England."

"So…" I took a moment to put my words together correctly. "You want a witch to work for you. You guys are ok with that?"

"Well, not everyone is, of course." He amended. "There are those who would look down upon you for that, but it's no different from what you get here, minus what I believe I can safely assume includes a plethora of death threats."

"I'd just pick up everything I have and go to England?" I asked. "Live there? Work there? Whole nine?"

"Isn't that what I said?" He asked, glancing over me. I stared straight ahead, mulling it over. "You're actually considering it, aren't you?"

"I think I have a few questions of my own to ask, first." I answered instead. Ketch nodded, signaling me to go ahead and ask. "First off…" The second I was willing to ask questions, any single one I had just disappeared for a moment. I went with an easy one, an obvious one. "Why are you here?"

"I was told to be here." He said. "I was ordered to go keep watch on Sam and Dean Winchester. My superiors believed that they were in trouble, and were correct."

"Why are the British Men of Letters interested in them, much less the rest of us?"

"The Men of Letters has been defunct in America ever since Abbadon massacred this chapter in 1958." He explained. "When one of their safe houses in Kansas was made active again, we were alerted."

"You've been watching them for longer than that though, haven't you?" I asked. "Because if it was just the lights in the Bunker being turned on, someone would've showed up asking questions. You've been monitoring them for longer than that, and you wanted to keep monitoring to see what they'd do with the place."

Ketch smiled. "You're a clever woman, aren't you?"

"I try to keep up." I said. "How long have you been watching them?"

"What do you know about the apocalypse?" He asked in response.

"Which one? There are, like, X amount of religions and theologies with Y amount of different apocalyptic scenarios, not including the scientific and pseudo-scientific ones."

"The Judeo-Christian apocalypse." Ketch answered. "Starring Lucifer and Michael."

I knew the basics on that. Lucifer gets power. Fights big brother. Ultimate showdown, winner takes all.

"I know enough." I answered. "Why?"

"It almost happened in 2010." He answered. "The Winchesters were involved."

That, I knew. I remembered from Castiel telling me, before… Before everything, I guess. Before I died. The first time.

"We've been watching them since it started." He answered. "Maybe a little earlier. We try to keep track of legacies." I understood that, as well.

"So you've been their professional stalkers for almost ten years? Maybe a little longer?" I let out a small whistle. "That's a little creepy. Like, seriously violating privacy and such."

"There are no secrets in this world, Ms. Dillinger." He stated. "You should be aware of that by now."

"My being alive was a secret for almost a year, now." I reminded him.

"Not anymore, of course." He said. "That camera feed goes straight to my superiors."

"Still, though." I shrugged. "I kind of actually feel proud about that."

"And speaking of which," we pulled up to a secluded area, off a backwoods trail somewhere. "I would suggest putting that disguise back up unless you intend on revealing your truth to the others."

"Are you going to tell them?"

"No."

I paused. He didn't hesitate, nor said the word too quickly to indicate any lies. He was being… Honest. He wouldn't tell them.

"Thank you." I said, putting up the disguise as he parked the car. We both got out quickly, the boys pulling up in the Impala behind us.


	22. Hyperbolic Pulse Generator

"Alright, start talking." Dean ordered, getting out first. Sam and Castiel followed, standing almost in opposition to myself and Ketch. I moved away just a little bit, so that I was more in between the two as a peace keeper. The opposing stance and the symbolism that usually goes with it... That wasn't something I was prepared to wrap my head around just yet, even if I was imagining things.

"It's all very simple, really," Ketch explained. "Mick Davies asked you to join our effort, which we're taking international. My instructions are to strongly encourage a 'yes.'" Note to self, ask who Mick Davies is later.

"So, what?" Castiel asked. "You've just been following us?"

"Not at all." Ketch assured them. "We're good dogs. We only come when called. And he," he took a second to nod towards Sam. "Called."

"You what?" Dean asked, turning on his brother. Castiel took a moment to approach me, examining my person.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm fine." I assured him. "Don't worry."

"I… I didn't." Sam protested. "I hung up."

"Yes, you did," Ketch agreed. "Which made Mr. Davies think that you were in trouble, which you were. So he rings me. Bing, bang, boom." I rubbed my ear for a second at the boom part. "Meet Bob. He's your uncle. Oh, and, um, you're welcome. Hmm?"

"And why should we believe anything that you have to say?" Dean challenged. In response, Ketch turned to Castiel

"You, Halo." He said, catching his attention. "Do you sense I'm lying?"

"My name is Castiel." He said, and I couldn't help but smile just a little bit. What a human thing for him to respond with. "And... No." He answered. "But the truth can be situational."

"Oh." Ketch turned back to the Winchesters. "Oh, I do enjoy an angel. But I understand your hesitation. You haven't exactly seen us at our best. Lady Bevell is a bit... excitable." I wanted to ask Castiel who that was, but Dean filled it in for me.

"She tried to kill us!"

"Like I said," Ketch reminded him. "Excitable."

Really? They're throwing a fit about someone trying to kill them? How many times have they threatened MY life already, when everything that I've done under my own control has been nothing but attempts to HELP them? _This wouldn't happen in England._ The thought crossed my mind for just a moment before chasing itself away.

"And you're better?" Sam asked.

"I don't care about you one way or the other. I'm not an ideologue."

"And all you want to do is help these American Hunters to clear this country of monsters?" Castiel asked.

"We understand things are different here." Ketch agreed. "We're eager to collaborate. The British Men of Letters are centuries old, lads." He turned to me. "And lady. We can offer expertise, weaponry, skills."

"Like we saw out on the road?" Sam asked.

"I'm an artist, Mr. Winchester." Ketch answered, popping the trunk of his car with his keys. "I paint in many colors." We all moved to gather around the trunk as Dean spoke.

"Was that a grenade launcher?" It was in the backseat, that I knew, but there was a second one also in the trunk. My eyes widened slightly at that.

"Quite." Ketch answered.

"Ah." Dean stared at the haul in shock, and I let out a low whistle.

"Damn." I muttered. "This looks like… Like the back of a rich serial killer's limo." I reached in, pulling out a weird looking one. "What's this?"

"Our engineers have spent years blending sorcery and technology." Ketch answered, giving me a pointed look. "For instance, we don't always decapitate vampires. Inefficient, really, especially for large nests." I felt a small jab in my stomach, and didn't quite understand why. "We irradiate them, reorder their DNA. Their own blood becomes lethal to them."

"Holy shit." I muttered. I'd been wanting to work on spells like this, things to make Hunting a little easier and a little less up close and personal, but these guys had actually DONE IT.

"Cool." Sam commented in agreeance.

"The toys are the fun part, hmm?" Ketch asked, putting back the thing. He pulled out a second item after that, a weird egg-shaped thing that was gold and… absolutely covered in symbols, a lot of which I actually recognized.

"Hyperbolic Pulse Generator." He said.

"That thing gets rid of demons." I stated. When everyone but Ketch looked at me in surprise, I politely took the egg from Ketch and rolled it around in my hands. "All these markings on it, they're from different religions and theologies and spells, but they all have a common theme." I rolled it around one more time, to make sure. "It's supposed to expel a parasitic like force from a host body, or in this case a demon from it's victim."

"Exorcisms are unreliable." Ketch explained. "This device emits a force which drives the possessing demon from the vessel."

"What about a, uh, possessing angel?" Sam asked, glancing from me to Ketch. I studied the symbols much closer. They didn't really specify demons in particular, just a possessing force acting on a human. I could work against a poltergeist, probably.

"And what might you boys and the lady be working on?" Ketch asked.

"Well, you want us to trust you," Dean said. "You're gonna have to trust us first."

"And that means?" Ketch directed the question at me this time. Everybody stared at me, then, waiting for me to answer.

What, now they care about my opinions?

"If you're as knowledgeable as you claim to be," I said, keeping my voice level. "Then you should know that they wouldn't ask if it wasn't important."

"No, but I'm asking you." He answered. "Not them."

"Look, man, she's not the one in charge here," Dean started, stepping in to intervene, but Ketch held out an arm.

"I said I'm asking Ms. Nyx." Ketch said. "And I would like to hear the woman speak."

"She's a witch." Dean argued. "Not a Hunter, much less a Men of Letters."

"She's here, isn't she?" Ketch asked. "And she recognized what the Hyperbolic Pulse Generator was before the rest of you did. So I would like to hear her answer," he glared pointedly at each of the boys in turn. "To make sure that if I entrust this to you it will be used properly and not destroyed. These aren't easy to make, after all."

Dean moved back, turning to look at his brother for backup. Sam, in turn, shrugged and turned to me. "Diana?" He asked. Dean's hands hit loudly at his sides.

"I promise, I'll treat it with the utmost care." I said. "And I can assure you that we," I glanced at the rest of the guys. "Wouldn't be asking unless it truly was important. You know their history, as well as mine." I reminded Ketch. "Do you really think we'd just take the egg for kicks?"

"Fine." He agreed. "I will show you, and only you, how to use it. I expect it back after you're done." He pulled a business card out of his jacket pocket. "Call the number here when you're finished, and you will be given instructions on how to return the Hyperbolic Pulse Generator." Dean tried to snatch the business card out of his hand, but Ketch moved just a little faster, holding the paper out towards me. I took it cautiously, waiting to see if Sam would try this time, before putting it in my back pocket.

"Thanks." I said. Ketch and I walked over to a small area away from the guys. I could hear them talking amongst each other as we walked, with Dean and Sam most definitely not happy about the situation. "Why trust me with this?" I asked him once we were far enough away.

"You recognized what it could do." Ketch answered, kneeling down with the egg. "What you need to do first is draw this symbol," he drew it in the dirt, one I hadn't seen before. "In blood, preferably. Then for demons, you say 'Go back, Prince of Hell' in Latin."

" _Vade retro, princeps inferni._ " I translated. Ketch nodded.

"Clever lady." He repeated. "The egg won't work without both the symbol and the words, with the symbol coming first." He said. "And you'll need to be close, preferably in the same room as the angel, though I can't say that the words for a demonic force will work on a holy one." He took a glance over at Castiel. "It's not that one, is it?"

"No." I shook my head, glancing over at him myself. "He's sticking around for a while."

"And that offer is still open, by the way." He added. "When you return the egg, let us know what you think." He stood up then, turning to the boys. "Good to go?" He asked them loudly. Startled, they turned over to look at Ketch. I stared at the symbol one more time, making sure I had it committed to memory, before wiping it away with my hand.

"Yeah." Sam shouted back. "You guys?"

"I believe she is." Ketch offered me a hand, and I took it as I stood, egg in hand. "Wouldn't you agree?"

"I got this, guys." I assured the Winchesters, noticing a slight unappeased look on Castiel's face.

Great. Now he doesn't want me along. It was honestly starting to look like the only person that was alright with me here was the British Men of Letters guy, Ketch.

And he had offered me a job.


	23. Kelly

We met Crowley and Rowena back at the Bunker a few hours later. I hadn't seen Rowena in a long time, and was thankful that she didn't remember me. She probably wouldn't like that I still had a digital copy of the Book of the Damned with me. She kept staring at me confused, though, which worried me slightly.

"So you're gonna pop Lucifer out of the President with that?" Crowley asked, looking at the egg in my hands. He wasn't happy to see me here at all, and it didn't help that I was the only one that knew how to use the egg.

"I hope so. Otherwise, we're all dead." Dean answered, giving me a slight glare. "Then Rowena zaps him back to the cage. Of course," he jacked a thumb at me. "We gotta get her in the same room as him first."

"Yeah. And we need to get ahold of this, uh, secret girlfriend Crowley found out about." Sam added.

"She has a name, guys." I reminded them. "It's Kelly."

"Of course, she's in that mansion with the President," Sam continued, ignoring me. "Which is guarded like a fortress. Only two of us have a chance of getting in there." He looked from me to Crowley.

"No. No no no." Crowley argued. "She's not coming."

"And why the hell not?" I asked. "First you say you don't care what I do, then you continue to have the biggest fits about me coming along. Now pick a damn lane and stick with it."

"I had hoped you would leave when I said that." Crowley said.

"Well, obviously, I didn't." I pointed out, standing up. He seemed shorter as I stood. "So now I'm here, and I'm the only one that knows how to work it, so you can deal with it." I stated.

"You're not coming with me." He said. "And I want you gone the second this is all over." I stopped, then, and I think Crowley did too. That stung, more than it had with Sam and Dean. _I want you gone. I want you to leave._

 ** _You're not wanted here anymore, Kylie. Nobody wants you around anymore._**

"Fine." I agreed after a terse moment. "I'll disappear and none of you will ever see me again. I'm certain that's what all of you want anyways, isn't it?" I glared from Crowley to Dean to Sam to Castiel, and saw how small they were…

I looked down at my feet, and saw I was floating. I came back down to the floor, keeping up my glare. "No arguments?" I asked.

Rowena raised her hand. "I just want to put it out there that I have no problem with another female witch around," she cast a glance at Crowley. "And that I am personally surprised and insulted that my son has such a problem with you being here."

"I'll be back in a while." Crowley muttered, stalking outside. I followed him out there, absolutely pissed.

"We are going to talk about this!" I shouted after him, following the demon out the doors. The door slammed behind us and I continued to shout. "You are a righteous son of a bitch, Crowley!"

"Really?" He asked. "Because I'm quite certain that first off, I'm a little too unholy to be righteous, and second off," he pointed back at the Bunker. "You just insulted my mother, which I'm surprisingly having a problem with."

"I can't believe you're really having this much of a problem with everything!"

"I can't believe you think I'm the only one having the problem!" He responded. "Did you see Sam and Dean? I told you this would happen! I told you that they wouldn't want you here! And look at what's happening to you!" He pointed at me. "You're freaking out constantly and running away and acting entirely irrational ever since the Darkness was taken care of!"

"Did you think that maybe, just maybe, I've gone through a lot of shit?!" I challenged him. "Did you think that just maybe, I might be having some sort of mental fucking BREAKDOWN from everything?"

"Well then SUCK IT UP!" He responded. I stared at him in shock. "You have gone through crap, you're right, but you have been fine before and you will LEARN TO BE FINE NOW!"

"MAYBE I'M NOT FINE!" I screamed. "MAYBE I'M TERRIFIED, CROWLEY."

"Well, are you?!" He challenged. I didn't answer. I… I honestly wasn't quite certain. I was and at the same time, it made sense in my head for why I did these things.

I was scared. I was extremely scared. I was scared that I was losing everything around me. Then again, wasn't I already losing that? I didn't have anything anymore. No fiancée. No family. No college, now. I had an option to move to Britain. That was about it.

"I'm going to get the mistress." Crowley said. "Stay here, and for the love of whatever, don't do anything too irrational."

And then he disappeared, just like that. I left with the others for a hotel room not long afterwards, one that Crowley told us to meet him at. I went on my own with Karma, whereas everyone else piled in to Dean's impala.

The second I was in the same room with her, though, I couldn't continue to be in the same room. The Nephilim baby in her… The power radiating from it was absolutely nauseating. I wasn't certain as to how Rowena was even able to maintain such closeness to her. Probably a lack of angelic grace in her.

I hung back behind the others, and at the first opportunity excused myself to the tiny bathroom. Once I was alone, I proceeded to hunch over the toilet and try my best to not retch. I threw a quick silencing spell up on the door, in case the noise was too loud.

"This isn't supposed to happen." I muttered, staring down at the toilet water. I shouldn't be sick. I had been around Lucifer before, been around his own magic signature, and I'd never gotten physically sick. Mentally and psychologically, yeah, but like this? No. "Why is this happening?" It was freaking me out, in all honesty. Hell, everything that was happening was freaking me out, putting me on edge. There was a woman, in the next room, carrying Lucifer's freaking love child, a Nephilim.

 _"Why are Nephilim an abomination?" I couldn't help but remember asking Chuck that question._

 _"They're not." His answer had shocked me so much. I had wanted to ask another question, ask for clarification, but Chuck beat me to it and continued. "The angels decided that after I left, because they were jealous and... a little angry that I had told them to love man, and afterwards kind of left them in charge. So they decided that they would respect my wishes, but that they were too good to truly be among humans. They decided angels were meant to stay and follow their orders, to watch over and guide and instruct humankind when necessary."_

 _"So, the whole Cordziz Hoath thing..."_

 _"They made it all up, gave it a name to add emphasis." I won't lie, that answer made me feel a little better about it all. "Diana, I've had boyfriends and girlfriends and dated the whole spectrum. I couldn't care less."_

I wondered how much he would care now, with this situation.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, shaking me from my reverie. "Diana?" Castiel's voice. "Are you still there?" I could feel a slight vibration through the air, going through the silencing spell and myself.

"She's in there." Crowley assured him.

"Are you alright?" Castiel continued. I threw it down quickly, taking a few deep breaths before answering.

"Yeah." I stuttered the word out nervously, standing back up in a hurry. "I'll be out in a second. Just…" I thought for a valid excuse. "Woman things." I could keep the nausea down, I was certain I could keep it down.

I walked out a second later, viewing the scene. Castiel had moved to get a bible from the desk. Everyone else… They were focused on Kelly. She turned to look at me, a mix of hope and fear on her face. "She said you were a witch too." The woman stated, pointing at Rowena. "Is it… You look normal." She said. "Is it true?"

I offered her a melancholy smile, holding up my hand. A small fire appeared in it, and danced for a moment across my fingertips before I let it extinguish. "I promise we're not here to hurt you." I told her, stepping forwards.

I pretended it didn't hurt when she flinched away from me, much less when Sam and Dean started to close ranks around her. Castiel moved past me, to stand in front of Kelly. "The thing inside you," he started to explain. "It's unholy. It's an abomination." I fought the urge to say that God would disagree, but instead watched as he held out the book in front of Kelly. "Place your hand here." He requested.

When her hand touched the cover, it began to burn brightly. She pulled her hand away back, fast, looking over at me. "You did that, right?" She begged. I shook my head, holding out my hand to take the Bible from Castiel. The flames themselves did nothing to my skin, but their meaning… I could understand the hurt that Kelly felt. I reigned in the fire with ease, and threw the charred remains in to the trash can.

"No." Kelly whispered. "Oh no."

"I'm sorry." I told her.

"Does he even know you're knocked up?" Dean asked.

"Yes," Kelly said. "He... He said he was thrilled." She paused for a moment, a wistful look on her face. "He said it was the only time he ever created anything."

"Kelly," Sam stepped forwards, and this time she didn't flinch. "We need your help."

As Sam explained his plan, I shook my head. "No." I argued. "This is crossing a line. You want to use a pregnant woman to lure Lucifer out of hiding? Really?!" I stared hard from him to Dean. "A pregnant woman? As bait?!"

"Diana, it's not like that." Dean said, glancing from me to Kelly. She looked scared at the implications of what was being planned when I said it so plainly like that. "Why don't we talk outside?"

"No, why don't you explain it to her honestly?" I challenged him instead. "She deserves the right to know exactly what you're planning, without any bullshit to make it sound like anything less than it is." I crossed my arms in defiance, almost punctuating my point. "You're using her as bait."

"Diana, this isn't the time to argue about this," Sam agreed, glancing from me to the H.P.G. I stared at him, absolutely flabbergasted. He was considering taking it, wasn't he? "Why don't we talk about it later?"

"I'll do it." Kelly interjected. I turned around, all of us surprised.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." I assured her. "We can figure out another way." Her face remained determined and steadfast, though. "Are you sure?"

"I want Jeff back." She said. "And if I can help get him back, I'm going to help."

I thought for a minute, fishing around in my pockets for something, anything, to make her a protection spell with. Crowley knew what I was doing, though, and put a hand on my arm. "If you do that," he warned me. "We'll lose the element of surprise, and Lucifer will know, and it won't matter then what kind of charm you use to help her."

"What charm?" Kelly asked, sounding frightened. "Is she going to turn me in to a toad?"

"I find that just a wee bit offensive." Rowena stated, pursing her lips together slightly. I didn't say anything yet, just clenched my teeth, knowing that Crowley was right.

"Fine." I agreed, stopping my search. "It would've been a protection charm, something to make sure Lucifer can't hurt you, but Crowley is right." I explained. "If I do that, he'll know. He knows what my magic is like, same for Rowena's."

"Oh." Kelly commented, looking abashed. I didn't feel right about this at all, though. None of this felt right. I would've much rather used myself as bait, gone in alone and tried to stop him myself. I had the H.P.G., after all. I could do it, couldn't I?

 _Don't even think about it._ Crowley's voice, as clear as day, inside my head. I glanced over at him, raising an eyebrow. _I know what you're thinking. You are not doing this alone. Remember what happened the last time?_

 _Yeah, I remember._ I answered, gritting my teeth.

 _I want to talk with you._ He stated.

 _Really?_

 _I'm serious, Kylie._ He said, his voice slightly hesitant. _I'm… Sorry for the way I've been acting. I'm concerned about everything that is going on._ This caught me by surprise. I wasn't certain if I could remember the last time I'd ever heard a demon apologize, much less admit to being worried.

I offered him a small nod, one for only him to see. _After Lucifer._ I agreed. _I promise._

Crowley nodded in agreement. It wasn't exactly what he wanted, I could tell, but it would work for now. And in all honesty… I didn't want to be alone in this. I wanted someone to be there that I could ask questions to.

And for some reason, a demon seemed like the only viable option.


	24. You Would Have Done Anything

We set up a place to draw Lucifer to, and a plan for how Kelly would do that. Once we got to the location, we got to work doing some prep. I set the symbol up on the inside of a door, opposite to where Kelly would be. The plan was that once Lucifer was in the room, I'd run in, smash the symbol, shout the magic words, and pray to whoever or whatever I wanted to that it worked.

God had left, and stranded us again with Lucifer acting like the spoiled, petulant brat. I wasn't really in much of a praying mood.

"Are you ready?" I asked Kelly. She held her phone gingerly, staring at a picture on it. I moved to look, curious, and saw that it was one of her and the President.

"Are you sure that this will save him?" She asked, still staring at that picture.

I glanced at my phone for a moment, before answering. I remembered when the background on it was a picture of me and him, smiling and enjoying ourselves. But that time was long gone, now. I'd made my choice, and I was going to live with it.

"I believe that this is our best opportunity to get your…" The word stuck in my throat, boyfriend. I couldn't say it. "Your Jeff back."

"Please be honest with me." She requested, putting her phone down. "You're… a witch, but you're a very honest one. I've been around political jargon for so long…" She shook her head. "I know when you're trying to cover up a bad with a hopeful good, when you can't make a promise so you make the next best thing, a happy statement. So please, tell me honestly." She held eye contact with me, her face pleading. "Will this work? Will this save Jeff?"

I wasn't certain how to answer. The fact of the matter was, I couldn't make her a guarantee. The HPG had never been tested on angels before, and we weren't about to try and throw Castiel out of a body with no soul, now.

In my hesitation, she asked another question. "Have you ever been in love?" That one took me by surprise. I looked away, then, that image of myself and Castiel on a pixelated screen not quite willing to let go just yet. "You have." She stated. There was no way to lie on that.

"Yes." I admitted. "Once."

"What happened to him?"

"He…" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Castiel walking closer, to make sure everything was ready. "It doesn't matter." I settled on instead. "Not anymore."

"But you would have done anything to save him, right?" She asked. "Sacrificed everything?"

"I already did." I replied, keeping my voice low as I watched Castiel get closer.

"Then you understand." She said. "You understand how I feel, and that I need to know the truth. I love Jeff." Her voice hitched a little on his name. "And I just want to know your honest answer. Will this work?"

Castiel was in the room with us, now. He watched me for a moment, waiting to hear what I would say. I took a deep breath, steadying my voice. "I can't give you a definite promise." I answered. "But what I can say is that this really is our best chance at saving him."

"Thank you." Kelly whispered, taking a deep breath herself. She picked her phone back up, and dialed a number. I turned around, and walked away to give her privacy. Castiel stayed behind a few moments longer before following me.

"Diana," he said. I stopped, turning around to face him. "I…" He wasn't certain what to say. I could almost see the words jamming in his throat, cluttering his brain as he searched for the right way to put them together – the most human way.

"Like I told you," I offered. "It's a difficult story, and not really one that I want to get in to detail on."

"Did he die?" Castiel asked. I was a little thrown by his question. "I'm sorry, it's just that… I understand." He said. "And I know it can be a… a hard thing to bring up and move past."

"Like you're doing?"

"Each day is… difficult." He admitted, his hand floating up to the necklace. "But I truly do believe that each day I am getting better at coming to terms with the reality I am given."

"Good for you, then." I did my best to keep my voice warm, but I could still hear the slight bite to it. "Anyways, we should get ready. Lucifer will haul ass to get here one he hears Kelly say she doesn't want to have a kid."

"Alright." He agreed. I had my angel blades on me (as far as the others knew, I got them from two random dead angels), I had enough ingredients and pre-set spells in case of an emergency, and I had the HPG and the magic words memorized.

That card from Kent was still in my pocket too. I could feel it, like the same way a nervous man feels hundreds of dollars in his wallet. I could call, if I wanted. I could call after all of this, and move to London. Work for the Men of Letters in London. Be appreciated in London, and away from… from all of this.

From Castiel, who doesn't know I'm alive. From Sam and Dean, who would kill me the second they learned the truth and aren't far off from doing it now. From Lucifer and Rowena and Crowley and life here and all the trouble it's brought me.

I could leave after all of this, and never come back.

"What're you thinking on?" Crowley asked. I jumped, slightly, and he let out a short laugh. "I don't think I've managed to startle you since before." He stated. I didn't need him to tell me what before was.

"You…" I thought for a minute. "You're British, right?"

"I'm from Scotland, actually." Crowley answered. "Why?"

"What…" I took a deep breath. "What was it like?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Kent, he," there wasn't any good way to say it. "He offered me an opportunity to work for the Men of Letters, in London."

Crowley watched for a moment, thinking heavily. "What did you say?" He finally asked.

"I haven't answered yet." I took the rucksack off my back, and pulled the HPG out with it. "He wants a response when I return this."

"What do you want to say?" He tried. I shrugged.

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I don't… I don't have anything here. Not anymore."

"What about Mrs. Tran?"

"I can erase her memory." I said. "Like I did with the others. She won't remember me being there, just that a medium arrived to tell her what happened. Pay her back for what she helped me with, too."

"You can always tell Castiel." He reminded me. I shook my head.

"I'm not the same person anymore, Crowley." I answered. "He doesn't even see me as similar. He… He wants to move on." I gave a firm nod with it. "And he deserves to. Having me back in it now, I think it would only make things worse."

"You're serious about leaving, aren't you?" He asked. I nodded again.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I think I am."

"And what if, by some act of fate or chance, Castiel finds out?" Crowley had posed that question to me before, with menace; almost as a threat of him saying something. But now… Now he didn't seem to be threatening to expose me. He was just asking, seeing if I analyzed all the possibilities. For a moment, I felt like I was back in the cabin, back to playing chess and learning how to control my magic. "What then?"

"He can't find out." I answered. "No matter what, he can't. It would hurt him more. He's a good man." I let out a small laugh at that. "He's a better man some days than he is an angel. He would feel obligated to do something, but he's moving on." Every time I said those words, it was like a knife to my gut. "And he lives for millennia. He'll move on and I won't exist to him anymore. He'll just… He'll forget I was ever there."

I'd known that for a long time. I was human. I wasn't immortal. I would age and die. Castiel's vessel may age, but he would outlive me, go on forever, and he would forget about me in a few decades, the equivalent of mere minutes to him.

I was a blip in time for his lifespan. I wasn't anything important. It would be better if I left now, instead of trying to keep the illusion of a life together alive.

"If that's what you truly believe," Crowley started. He was about to say more, to continue, but Lucifer drew near. I knew. And sure enough, Sam and Dean came thundering in, heralding the coming of Satan.

"What's going on?" Sam asked, seeing the looks between myself and Crowley. I shook it off quickly, returning to that look of indifference.

"Nothing." I said hastily, grabbing the HPG. "Lucifer is almost here. We need to get in to positions." Dean looked from me to Crowley, not believing me for a second, but at the same time not having enough time to ask about it. I hear tires squeak, and out of the corner of my eye I saw four SUVs pull up a distance from the house.

"Fine. Go." Dean ordered. We scattered, Crowley to Rowena and myself to a small room with Sam. He was supposed to be back up, make sure I didn't fail.

If I was the praying type, I would've prayed to God that we wouldn't.


	25. We Won, But I Lost

I could hear when Kelly opened the door. "Ms. Kline," a male voice greeted, his voice strictly business. Must be a guard. Gotta make sure the place is safe before Lucifer the DOTUS walks in, after all. I could hear when one opened the door that Castiel stood behind, and feel the small pulse of angelic power he used. "It's clear." The guard called out a moment later. "Let's go."

Footsteps thundered out of the room, and I could feel Kelly was alone. Not for long, though. She opened up the door again soon. "Kelly," I had to remind myself that that was Lucifer. It didn't sound like Lucifer, not at first. For a moment, he just… He sounded like a normal, worried guy. "Kelly, what's wrong?"

"I told you on the phone." She answered, sounding close to tears. "I can't have this baby."

I could feel a shift in the room after she said that, and heard a slam against a wall a moment later. "I'm afraid I'll have to insist." There it was, the voice of Lucifer, full of power and anger and determination. I heard the strangled sounds of Kelly calling for help, and I couldn't wait a moment longer. Sam burst through first, shielding me as I thundered out after him, slapping a hand on the sigil in the process. Lucifer turned to us, annoyance clear on his face as he dropped Kelly.

"Sam!" He shouted, angry. Then he shifted, seeing me behind him. "Well well, did you really miss me that much little witch?"

" _Vade retro_ ," I started, holding the HPG out in front of me.

"Really?" He asked. "You've tried this once already, and bravo, but me and Sam?" He waved a hand at the Hunter, and he went flying. "We've done this dance so many times, it almost seems unfair for you to try and butt in."

" _Princeps Inferni._ " I finished, gritting my teeth. The HPG began to glow brightly, and for the first time I finally saw an emotion in the Devil's eyes that filled me with a sick sort of glee – it was fear.

The Devil was afraid of me. About time, too.

He took a step towards me, casting out a hand as he tried to stop me. I held my ground, feeling a new wave of strength I didn't know I had as a beam of bright light aimed itself straight at his chest. He himself flew in to the wall behind him, startling Kelly as she ran out of the room. I could feel wave after wave of wind follow the beam of light, throwing everything in the room out of proportion.

I wondered briefly if it was because of me or the HPG.

Dean burst in a moment later, seeing Sam on the ground. He shouted his brother's name, running to help him up. Rowena stood behind me, her spell table ready. I watched Lucifer try throwing them both again, but this time I caught him. I shook my head, and he turned back to stare at me.

There it was again, that delicious look of fear in the eyes of the Devil.

"Rowena, now!" Dean shouted.

" _Mah tay_ ," Rowena chanted. It was going to work. It was really going to work. I could feel it. " _Ez loh, say tah!_ "

"This isn't over, Kylie!" Lucifer swore, his body beginning to glow with that same white light.

"Go to Hell!" I screamed, pushing against him. He fell back against the wall again, cracks appearing in the space around him.

" _Mah tay, ez loh, say tah_!" Rowena repeated. I joined in with her, determined to see him gone. " _Mah tay, ez loh, say tah!_ "

A stream of white light erupted from Lucifer's mouth, swirling around the hotel room and down into a nearby vent. When he was gone, the room was silent, and we all watched with hopeful eyes as the body of the President slumped unconscious to the floor. Castiel hurried to the man, checking his vitals.

"He's alive." Castiel promised. "He won't remember a thing." He stood, looking at the others before stopping on me. I could see shock in his eyes, pure shock and surprise. Why? Was it what we'd done?

"Oh, Jeff. Oh, my God." Kelly ran to the president, pulling the man in to her arms. I watched her, my own thoughts absent as I saw how relieved she was. "Jeff? Oh, my God."

"We gotta go." I told them, snapping myself back to the situation at hand. I stuffed the HPG back in the bag, my actions precise and urgent. I could already hear sirens. Crowley and Rowena disappeared quickly behind me, but nobody else was moving. "Get her out of here, now. It won't be safe in a few minutes."

"Wait, wait," Kelly tried to argue, looking up at me. There it was again, that look of surprise. Dean backed her up, that same look on his face (why was everyone so surprised?) but I shook my head.

"No time." SWAT was coming. I could feel them. They'd seen what was going on, kind of. "Go." I took three steps forwards, placing a hand on hers and Castiel's shoulders. They were gone in an instant.

I turned back to Dean and Sam, about to urge them to leave next. SWAT would be here any minute. We had to leave.

That was when I saw the guns drawn. "What's this about, guys?" I asked. I could hear Jeff start to stir behind me.

"Why did Lucifer call you Kylie?" Dean asked, his voice as cold as the grave. I put the HPG back in my bag carefully, keeping my hands up.

"What?" I didn't understand, it all wasn't clicking in my head just yet. We'd just won. I should be in the clear. None of them should've known anything, but what were they talking about?

"When Lucifer spoke," Sam explained, his voice just as calm. "He said that it wasn't over, _Kylie_." He placed emphasis on my name, and I froze.

He had said that. Right before he'd been gone, he said that. He said my name.

I heard safeties click off as Dean and Sam kept guns trained on me. "Why did he call you that?!" Dean roared. "And why do you look like her?!"

No.

No no no.

I looked at myself in a reflection, and saw exactly what they saw. Myself, my true self, with my Diana disguise absolutely gone. They could see me. The Diana image was gone.

I held my hands up slowly, the full gravity of why everyone looked so surprised finally reaching me. They knew. Castiel knew. Everyone knew. "I'm sorry." I whispered, feeling a tear fall down my face. "I'm so sorry."

When the door broke down, I disappeared, leaving Dean and Sam to deal with the SWAT team.


	26. Good-Bye America

I flew out to London maybe a week after dispatching Lucifer, a single day after I called Ketch to let him know the plan.

But I had a promise to keep before that, and I kept it.

I met Crowley at his favorite Cantina, a small one right near the Texas/Mexico border. He got his normal drink, the same as always. Something fruity and colorful, with an umbrella, a pineapple wedge, and a plastic pitchfork. I laughed the first time I saw the drink. Now it was just… Normal. And in all honesty not that bad tasting. I ordered one of my own, because why not?

"Hello." Crowley said, his voice soft.

"Hey." I greeted back. Both of us sounding like tired old souls. "How's your mom doing?"

"She's fine. She's asking questions again, and this time I don't think she'll let up."

"What does she want to know?"

"Why Lucifer called you Kylie." He answered. "Why I didn't look surprised when he said that. How in the hell you're alive, and how she didn't know about your being a witch. Why I didn't tell her when she asked the first time."

"So what did you tell Rowena, then?" I took a short drink from my glass. "About me?"

"I haven't seen her." He answered. "I dropped her off in her former boyfriend's house, told her I couldn't answer those questions, and left."

"Ah." I thought on it for a moment, on what I wanted to say. "I'm sorry." I finally said. I could tell that he wasn't expecting that.

"For what?"

"I stopped caring." I answered. "For my own life. For what my worth was. For my place or purpose or whatever it is in this world I'm stuck doing. I just… I stopped caring. I wanted to throw it all away." I let out a harsh laugh. "I even offered up myself to take on the Mark instead of have Sam get it." That took him by a harsher surprise. I didn't realize Crowley hadn't known that.

"You what?"

"I offered myself." I repeated. "I stopped caring, and figured I'd be better off hunted and locked up than in the existence I was in at the time."

"And you thought the Mark was the best chance?"

"I knew they would lock me up." I reminded him. "I knew I could lock myself up. You had Rowena. You had everyone. I could hold it together, maybe, but I knew that you guys would be the ones to keep me away."

"Why?"

"Sam and Dean and you and… and Cas…" I shook my head. "You guys all deserved a life. The world tends to do better with a Sam and a Dean being mostly OK, and more hazardous when one is in danger and the other is… Well… A Winchester." Crowley nodded. He understood that bit. "So I made my choice. I had nothing else. I didn't think we would fail. I didn't know if Lucifer would keep Castiel or not, or whether Castiel would even want me around afterwards. So I… I made a choice, for better or for worse."

"Sacrifice your own freedom," Crowley summed up. "So that everyone else can keep there's."

"I guess I learned something from them." I muttered. "I learned the talent of self-sacrifice and a lack of care for your own self."

"But it didn't work." Crowley said. "Amara… She wasn't caged."

"I know." I felt my lips form a thin line for a moment. "I know. I'm not… I'm not certain about a lot of things, now. I'm not certain where my place is in this world, not certain where I belong or what I should do."

"You know what you've been doing then, right?" Crowley asked. "Pushing people away, hiding yourself, running, you know what this is?"

"Yeah."

"It's the same path Cain took."

"At least I haven't killed any family."

"You're killing yourself, inside, by doing all of this."

"And that's why I'm leaving." I finished. "I made my decision."

Crowley gave me an appraising look. "You're going to London."

"I'm settling a few last things, then yes." I agreed. "I'm leaving."

"Why?"

"There isn't anything here for me." I stated. "Not anymore."

"I feel a little hurt by that."

"Didn't you say you wanted me gone as well?" I reminded him. I don't think I've ever seen him wince before, either, but there he did at the reminder of his own words.

"I lied." He said. "And I hated those words the second I said them."

"Then why say them?"

"You were captured last time you went against Lucifer." He said. "Lucifer has come quite close to killing you multiple times. I didn't want to acknowledge the possibility that he would succeed the next time, and that I would have done nothing to protect you."

"So…" I thought for a moment. "You Winchestered me?" He let out sharp laugh at that.

"I suppose it did." He agreed, smiling. "I Winchestered you, you Winchestered Castiel…" He trailed off at that. "Are you going to tell him that you're leaving?"

"I only have two friends in this world now, Crowley." I told him. "Two people that are worth telling all of this. If it's any consolation, you're one of them."

"And the other?"

"Billie."

"A demon and a Reaper." Crowley let out a small chuckle. "What would Mrs. Tran think, knowing she'd been replaced?"

When I looked down, Crowley understood. "I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." I shook my head. "She died a few days ago. Car crash. Dead on impact. I… I got the phone call yesterday." I couldn't help but smile. "I called up Billie, of course, the second I knew. Mrs. Tran is in Heaven." I smirked. "Actually, she was Mrs. Tran, so she's in Heaven with visiting rights from her personal Heaven to Kevin's."

"That sounds like something she would swing." Crowley nodded. I knew he hadn't been kind to her in a long time, but I couldn't be mad at him. It was in the past, and too tiring to be mad at someone for so long. "When will you leave?"

"Probably soon." I said. "Once I call, I have a feeling they'll arrange a plane ticket."

"Why don't you just show up there, save them some money?" He asked.

"I want to see what they know about me, first." I answered. "Plus, I don't know where they're housed, or what alarms I'll set off if I just appear on top of Big Ben at three in the afternoon."

"And you can't go anywhere you haven't actually seen, can you?" Crowley asked. I shook my head.

"No, I can't." I chuckled quietly. "Can't blame me for trying to pull one over on you, just for kicks."

"Well, if that's the case, then," Crowley reached down, in to a bag by his feet. "I have a going away present for you."

"Demons don't give away presents." I stated. "You make deals."

"At this point…" He let out a small sigh. "I'm not certain if I am fully demon anymore. I've tried to keep the King of Hell title, but…" He shrugged. "Humanity has a way of getting to all of us at one point or another, doesn't it?" He pulled out a small cardboard box, and handed it to me.

When I opened it, I saw the chess board, complete with all the pieces. "Don't forget to look at all the angles." He reminded me as I closed it up.

"I won't." I promised. "But… Why give me anything? You were pissed at me. You were furious."

"I was furious with myself." He admitted. "For dragging you back in to this mess. You were out, enjoying a life at college. I was just lonely, I guess. And when I realized what the repercussions were," he wasn't looking at the Mark, but I knew he was thinking about it. "I should not have reacted like that towards you. I guess I could say that… You are my friend as well."

I shook my head, putting the box down at my feet. "Quit the sappy stuff. It doesn't suit you."

"My thoughts exactly." He agreed, holding up his drink. "A toast, then, to your new life in London."

I clinked my colorful, fruity drink with a small umbrella, a pineapple wedge, and a little red pitchfork against his own matching one, and we both drank to that. "What will you say?" I asked, thinking on it. "Your mom is asking questions, and we both know Sam and Dean and Castiel will be as well."

"Sam and Dean are in custody." Crowley answered. "I can't get to them. It's above the pay grade of any of my spies. And as for Castiel," he watched me. "Do you want me to tell him?"

"He heard my name too." I said, raising an eyebrow for a moment as I inspected the lines in the table. "He's bound to ask questions at some point. What have you told your mother?"

"Nothing." He told me. "Not my place to tell."

"Do you want to?" He seemed shocked by the question. "She's your mother. I know you care about her." I didn't look up. "It must be hard to keep secrets from the people you care about."

"Yeah, it must be." He agreed. I could feel his gaze bearing down on me.

"Tell them whatever you think is necessary." I said. "Don't tell them everything," I flashed back to when Dean and Sam learned. They blamed me so much. They hated me. "I don't think I can accept them hating me as me again. I would rather them just loathe and distrust someone they don't know, versus someone they knew and trusted." Someone who failed them.

"And Castiel?" He asked. "He never hated you for what you became."

"It would've torn him apart." I said. "He would've been put in a bad position with the Winchesters, one where they couldn't trust each other. And… And there's more."

"What?"

"I'm afraid." I admitted. "My powers," I raised a hand, and watched a flame just… Appear. Not of my own volition or summoning. It just was… There.

"Yes, I know you can do that, now put it away." Crowley hissed. I shook my head, closing my hand as I did. I could still feel it though, burning away inside my closed fist.

"I didn't summon that one."

"What do you mean you didn't summon that one?"

"Crowley, something is wrong with me." I told him. "I've watched my powers go off without my control. You even saw it in the Bunker."

"That was your emotions, though." He pointed out. "We've both seen how your emotions can influence what you do."

"Crowley, I got control after that first emotional bout during chess." I reminded him. "I haven't lost total control yet, but little things are sparking up more and more. The fire, my disguise," I shook my head. "I've stopped using it, stopped putting up the constant energy to have it up, and it's still there, isn't it?"

Crowley focused for a moment, and I could just barely feel the small pulse he sent out, detecting where my focus was and wasn't, what I was actively casting and what was just… happening.

"Bollocks." He muttered.

"And we both know this isn't from a lack of use, not this time." I remembered those scratches on my arm, ones that tore themselves from within me. "I think it's the Mark."

"It may be." Crowley conceded. "It's never been put on a witch before."

"I want to see what the Men of Letters have on it, in London." I explained. "See if that's what's causing the interference and freak-outs, see if…"

If I was doomed to follow the same destructive path.

"Amara isn't caged any more, but it still has a strong connection with Lucifer." I said. "Now that Lucifer is caged up again, I think I have a better chance of figuring out what all of this is doing, but I…" I shook my head. "I can't do that here. I can't put you guys in danger."

"And the people of London?" Crowley asked.

"The Men of Letters there are more equipped to deal with me than the Hunters here." I was firm in this belief, and I knew Crowley saw that as well. "If something goes wrong, they'll deal with me. I don't want Dean or Sam or Castiel to see that, though. They still believe I am… was a good person." I amended. "I don't want that opinion of me to die out with the truth."

"So this is goodbye, then, isn't it?" Crowley asked. "That's why you asked to meet me here, a place I like?"

"I thought it was as good of a place as any to do it." I said, standing. I offered him a hand. "It's been a pleasure to work with you, though, and to have been taught by you."

"You still hate me a little bit in there." Crowley muttered, standing as well. He shook my hand with a tight smile.

"You still want to kill me a little bit." I countered. Crowley shook his head.

"No." He admitted. "No, I don't. Not anymore."

"I don't hate you anymore, either." I replied. "It's just…"

"Too taxing." Crowley agreed.

I made sure to pack the chess board with me when I left. A black town car picked me up at Mrs. Tran's old place, with a man inside that I didn't know.

"Mick Davies." He introduced himself, offering a hand. I shook it evenly. "I've heard a lot of good about you from Mr. Ketch."

"I haven't heard anything about you." I responded. All I knew was that that was the correct name, the correct person that was supposed to be my contact.

"British Men of Letters," he explained. "Tactical division. I oversee most operations and missions." I nodded, throwing my small bag of belongings in the back before I got in the shotgun seat. Once I was buckled Mick drove off, talking as he went. "So, for the run down as to what Ketch has told me, your name is Kylie Dillinger, also known as Diana Winters, also known as Diana Nyx, also known as Kai, no last name." He continued on to repeat the same brief history of my life that Ketch had the first time. "Am I missing anything?"

"No."

"Good. And you have the Hyperbolic Pulse Generator with you?" I reached around to the back seat, and pulled it out of the bag. "Excellent. How did it work with your endeavor."

"It worked fine." I answered.

"And, pray tell, what was it that you needed the Hyperbolic Pulse Generator for?" He asked. I stayed silent, then, not used to speaking. "Come now…" He paused for a moment. "I'm sorry, which name would you prefer?"

I thought on that for a moment. This was a new life, now. I could go for one more new name, if I wanted. Change myself one more time, hide myself away again. I could, and it wouldn't be any issue.

"Will I need to be in contact with the Winchesters?" I asked. "Or Castiel?"

"Not in the near future."

"Then unless they're involved…" I decided. "I'm alright with my actual name."

"Very well, Miss Dillinger." He agreed. "So, what was it that you needed the Generator for?" I still didn't answer. I just… I wasn't used to sharing information. "Ah, come now Miss Dillinger, we're on the same side here. You work with us now." It was strange. He said with, not for. "Sharing information is a part of the game."

"We were dispatching an angel." I answered. "A rogue one."

"Which one?" He responded. "There are a lot of fallen and rogue angels currently wandering the continental US at this point, not to mention around the globe."

"What's that situation like?" I asked.

"Better, now." He answered. "For the most part, they have been quiet and civil, and we've seen a dramatic decrease in their presence on Earth since they fell. But there were, of course, those that were more unruly than their brethren." He glanced over at me for a moment. "You carry angel blades on you, correct?"

I nodded. They were in their sheathes right then, even. "I like them."

"Good. Glad to see you're already outfitted with more formidable weapons." He said, appraising the weapons for a moment. "I take it you have extensive experience with the use and handling of them?"

"Yeah." I thought for a moment. "Do you guys use angel blades much?"

"Few of our operatives do." He answered. "Mostly because they were much harder to come by outside of the United States. It seems as though the majority of them landed here in America." We both sat and thought on that for a bit. "You don't want to tell me which angel you used the Generator on, do you?"

"Giving information isn't something I'm used to."

"Understandably, of course." He sympathized. "However, as I stated, you are working with a collective group of people now that believes in the free exchange of information." He glanced over at me for emphasis. "And I would like for you to get as comfortable as possible with that ideal."

"Alright." I agreed, albeit warily. "It'll take some getting used to, though."

"Again, understandably." Mick conceded. We sat in silence for a few moments, thinking.

"Lucifer." I finally admitted. "Big L, little everything else."

Mick let out a low whistle. "The big Devil himself? Are you serious?" He glanced over at my face, and saw the unchanged expression. "Bloody hell you are."

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Did it work?"

"I'm alive, aren't I?" He let out another whistle at that. "You really are made of some different stuff, aren't you?"

"I just… I try to get by." I answered.

"No need to be so modest, mate!" He encouraged. "I must know, who taught you?"

"I think I would rather keep the secrets of my teacher to myself." I stated. I wouldn't give up Crowley or Billie, and in all honesty the only thing I'd really learned from Rowena was how to steal the Book of the Damned from her.

"Alright. I can agree to that." Mick nodded. "Wouldn't do to give away everything on the first date, right?"

"Yeah…" I agreed, looking out the window.

We made small talk the rest of the way to the airport. He pried just a little here and there as to my family life, life before hunting, favorite things, normal stuff. "Your new apartment, by the way," he added, handing me a small pamphlet. "Not too far away from the headquarters, nice penthouse flat, with rent and expenses paid for until, well," he laughed a little. "Until the world ends. Fully furnished as well, by the way," he glanced over at me as I opened the pamphlet. Extremely swank digs, with a kitchen and floor to ceiling windows and dear God, was that… Was that a giant ass flatscreen? "But you're free to redecorate however you want."

"What's the catch behind all of this?" I asked, setting it down.

"Catch?"

"There's no such thing as a free lunch." I answered.

"Greek proverb. I like it." He commented. "And I'm still not certain as to what you mean by catch."

"You're offering me a new life, nice apartment, pretty much anything I could ask for or about." I answered. "Why? And what do you want from me for it?"

"We simply treat our constituents well." He answered. "Another of our operatives, Lady Bevell, actually lives quite luxuriously, thanks to the Men of Letters. And of course, if need be we can also set you up with a secondary job in whatever field you desire, so long as you continue with your primary duties to the Men of Letters."

"See, it's things like that, offering up more opportunities on a silver platter, that make me have questions."

"Can't you just accept that we are truly here to help you and offer you every available opportunity to improve your power?"

"The last time I got offered everything, it all crashed and burned around me." I answered.

"So what can we do to make you more comfortable with this?" He asked. I sat still, uncertain as how to answer. "Look, why don't we compromise. A trial period, perhaps?" He offered.

"I'm listening."

"All we're asking is that you attempt to accept what we can do for you," he said. "And in return, if you don't like it, you aren't required to stay with the apartment or the job or the British Men of Letters."

"How long?"

"Six weeks."

I thought over that. Six weeks, and if I wasn't game I could leave or change the arrangement.

"I can do that." I agreed, watching as we pulled up to the terminal. Ketch was standing outside, waiting for me.

"Splendid. Now," he said, putting the car in park. "You will be accompanying Mr. Ketch to the runway. We have a jet on standby awaiting the two of you."

"You're staying?"

"I'm afraid so." He nodded. "I have some more business to attend to here. But, you best be off. London is waiting, after all." I opened the door slowly, fully aware that I was about to leave everything behind. I'd never traveled outside of the country before. This whole experience… It was something entirely new.

I hesitated only for a moment as I grabbed my things out of the backseat, for a moment certain that I could see Castiel or Crowley out of the corner of my eye. They weren't there, though. It was just my imagination.

"Bye guys." I muttered, closing the door to the car. Mick offered me a last wave before driving off to who knows where.

"Are you ready, Miss Dillinger?" Ketch asked. I nodded, turning around to face him fully.

"Let's go." I said, my voice firm and confident.


	27. WriKai's Executive Decision

**Hey, all! WriKai here!**

 **I've thought over putting everything for this season in to one "book," or splitting it off in to two different ones, and I think I'm going to go with splitting. If I don't, this is going to end up being a huge as can be fic (not that that's a bad thing), and I'd prefer to keep chapter #'s relatively medium-sized so that it's easier for readers to navigate through, you know? Plus, whenever I see those huge 50+ chapter fics, I'm always just a little daunted by the sheer size. I mean, I know it's probably going to be an amazing fic, but bombing through 50+ chapters? I'll have to respectfully decline.**

 **As always, if you have any thoughts, ideas, or opinions, feel free to hit me up! The new part will be called "Witches Never Die," and I'll probably have up the first chapter or so in a few days.**

 **Thank you all so much for reading and sending supportive messages and in general just being absolutely awesome viewers!**


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